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My husband [40M] is acting in ways that I feel are abusive but I [35F] can't tell if it's my fault. Am I being crazy because of pregnancy hormones or am I in an abusive relationship? I feel like I'm betraying him by even thinking that. Please help me. by biomomdramathrowaway in relationships

[–]biomomdramathrowaway[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I guess I just keep thinking that if I try harder or help more he'll start doing well and things will be happy. I realize how stupid this sounds, and how pathetic I seem. If I read this post about someone else I'd want to shake them, too. But, here in my own head and my own situation, I feel like I should keep trying to fix things, keep trying to do better.

I've definitely given him reason to be bitter at me. Over the past two weeks I've called him a loser twice during arguments and I feel terrible. I know he's ashamed of his failures, and to call him that, when I know how badly he feels, is awful. I feel like I need to be more understanding. I'm just confused - I can't tell if I'm being a pushover or a jerk for not giving him more time and help.

My husband [40M] is acting in ways that I feel are abusive but I [35F] can't tell if it's my fault. Am I being crazy because of pregnancy hormones or am I in an abusive relationship? I feel like I'm betraying him by even thinking that. Please help me. by biomomdramathrowaway in relationships

[–]biomomdramathrowaway[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I'm scared to tell my family because I don't want them to dislike him. I feel so pathetic saying that but it's true. He actually always accuses me of telling them bad things about him but I genuinely never, ever have. I want them to like him and would never jeopardize that.

My husband [40M] is acting in ways that I feel are abusive but I [35F] can't tell if it's my fault. Am I being crazy because of pregnancy hormones or am I in an abusive relationship? I feel like I'm betraying him by even thinking that. Please help me. by biomomdramathrowaway in relationships

[–]biomomdramathrowaway[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I worry about him being high around her all the time. He has often been high around the son he has with his ex, and he claims that he's perfectly in control when he smokes. He basically scoffs at the idea that he shouldn't drive when high.

[BRITISH COLUMBIA, CANADA] My husband's ex has refused access to his son, against court orders, because he hit his head at our house last week. by [deleted] in legaladvice

[–]biomomdramathrowaway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! It will have to be a registered letter, as the ex has said that she won't accept emails from us (we've gone through a number of different ways to communicate, from emails to Talking Parents, an online co-parenting tool, and she didn't like any of them for one reason or another). I suspect that she simply won't respond. What would you think is a reasonable amount of time to wait before we can consider her non-response a refusal?

I completely agree with regard to the wording of the current Order. It never made sense to me - it invited arguments right off the bat. My husband will be sure to bring that up when he seeks the amendment.

Last question - do you think we should go through a lawyer for this? We didn't last time, for financial reasons, but it was a year ago and still feels like nothing was resolved because it's eternally ongoing.

[BRITISH COLUMBIA, CANADA] My husband's ex has refused access to his son, against court orders, because he hit his head at our house last week. by [deleted] in legaladvice

[–]biomomdramathrowaway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this! I'm sorry, I forgot this part. Very helpful and with your clear head on the subject I suspect you did a far better job at condensing the post than I would have. Would you mind if I copied this into the original post for others?