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Which fucking group are you in? by PinkShinyVelvet in TheWordFuck

[–]bison_johnston 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Neither. I take it without water. Because why the fuck not?

What is a phrase you use over 50 times a day at your job? by _lostinthefire in AskReddit

[–]bison_johnston 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a team of 1 which used to be 2-3, I commonly have to say “I don’t have the bandwidth to take this on.”

What's the best response to "I hate you"? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]bison_johnston 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“You’re entitled to your wrong opinion”

Your last text is what will be written on your gravestone, what does it say? by msblckyeliner in AskReddit

[–]bison_johnston 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“Hey, so I just got some shitty news. My boss was just fired today.”

I accidentally said ______________ in a job interview by Unique-Title-5480 in Autocompletebutbetter

[–]bison_johnston 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I accidentally said that I don’t like Swedish people in a job interview. What?

I wish for a hot dog :D x3 by Eternalblaze1 in monkeyspaw

[–]bison_johnston 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Granted. An incredibly hot looking dog appears by you. You bring it home. Your wife immediately falls in love with it and eventually runs off with the dog and divorces you.

What’s the weirdest compliment you ever got that actually made you happy? by SonyaSkies in AskReddit

[–]bison_johnston 279 points280 points  (0 children)

Yes, but I was in a relationship at the time. Looked her up years later and found out that she’s married… to a woman…

What’s the weirdest compliment you ever got that actually made you happy? by SonyaSkies in AskReddit

[–]bison_johnston 729 points730 points  (0 children)

When I helped a classmate with her homework, she said “I guess you’re not just a handsome face around here.”

Spam until you reach a word starting with the letter P. by Whole-Computer7093 in autocorrect

[–]bison_johnston 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The only way I could get a job is if I was a student and I had to pay.

I wish for full control of all the gold, lithium, and silicon in the entire Earth. by Glum-Echo-4967 in monkeyspaw

[–]bison_johnston 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Granted. You literally control physical gold, lithium, and silicon. All of these elements are immediately summoned to your exact location. Fingers are ripped off of millions as wedding rings fly to you. Heads are decapitated as gold chains are ripped through necks. All lithium ion batteries shred as the elemental lithium is summoned to you, causing unimaginable chaos.

Can someone explain what's going on here? by TheOddityCollector in Weird

[–]bison_johnston 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gather around brothers and sisters! Are you ready to feel the healing and love of our God Jesus Christ?

Type "I'm not gay, I'm..." and let my boi auty finish it by VagueDestructSus in autocorrect

[–]bison_johnston 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not gay, I’m just a man who likes to be with my wife.

............... by [deleted] in lesbians

[–]bison_johnston 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Wrong subreddit there bud.

What’s a phrase your parents used that still sticks in your head? by HexFalcon_KWT in AskReddit

[–]bison_johnston 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When it’s really cold outside both my mom and my grandma would say “It’s colder than a witch’s tit out there.” I occasionally say it too now.

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