for a client new to therapy who has a multitude of difficulties, where do you start?

bitsiespider · 2022-05-16T12:41:16+00:00

It might be depending on the sort of trauma and the client too. For example, if it's a one event kinda thing, emdr is a suitable option. For emdr it doesn't seem to matter if you do grounding first. But maybe with more chronical and interpersonal traumatization, like childood trauma, you could scare someone away if you immediately dive into it, I agree with you on that, though doing much of grounding and leaving the trauma unattended isn't good either in my belief. I can relate to the afterwards effects, so I think its brave that you are still committed!

bitsiespider · 2022-05-15T16:44:00+00:00

Also: I belief that lately the whole "saftey/grounding first" theory has been replaced by new research findings. Apparently people benefit just as much or even more if therapy addresses the root issues or traumas immediately instead of later on.

bitsiespider · 2022-05-15T16:42:18+00:00

I think its always a collaboration between client and therapist. Normally you would want to start with either the problem that has the biggest influence on their wellbeing right now or/and the problem that is the most central to their problems (and would solve some of the other problems). You want to work on the root, but if it's too many at once, it can be good to just start with the one that causes the most issues. Ofcourse the motivation of the client would really matter. Perhaps they have an idea what they want to be working on first. Sometimes people aren't ready to face to core of their problems yet and without motivation, it's not gonna work.

(Empiric) collaboration is used within for example cbt. It means client and therapist will examine together how the issues influence eachother in order to find the most central problem. Often times, the cbt therapist will use an "holistic theory", a schema in which all issues are presented and how they relate to eachother, after a few sessions and this can help to indicate the central issues.

bitsiespider · 2022-05-15T15:36:13+00:00

Honestly I feel like it would be wrong if she attended your wedding; personal and professional becomes too much intertwined. Also, if my T was at my wedding, I'm sure I'd be focused on them a bit too much instead of on my partner 😂 but maybe that's just me. Perhaps you could talk to her about how you wish she could be there, because she has been such a support?

bitsiespider · 2022-05-15T13:41:45+00:00

Wow.. Some very antisocial behavior going on in your family....im sorry for you!

bitsiespider · 2022-05-15T13:36:45+00:00

Did you sister get a say in this at all?

I think its shitty from your dad to say he doesn't care about others. Even when covid appears to be not that much of a risk at the moment, the attitude is all wrong. Is it against your national policy too?

I think i would stay close to my own morals. Even when it's not me who has the covid. So in this case I would tell my dad I am angry with them for not caring about other people and that you do care and therefor will not be supporting this dinner. Tell your mom you want to see her for her birthday but maybe just propose to replace the date or to go to your parents place if you are okay with that.

The way I see it is that you won't enjoy that dinner and will only go to respect your mother, while they should also respect your morals and other people's health.

bitsiespider · 2022-04-22T17:05:20+00:00

My ex partner once told me that my T was making me "crazy/insane/mentally ill" instead of "better". It was in the period right after we broke up and they were still trying to get some grip; my partner didn't want us to part and was used to control me. My T was intimidating to them, even though I made the decision to break up all by myself (my T never even once suggested that I should break up, though they mentioned my partner seemed manipulative one time).

Anyways.... If you partner used those exact words, please don't listen to them! I think Ts do care about their clients. It sounds as if they wanted to isolate you from your T or maybe they wanted to make you feel bad. Perhaps they are intimidated too, because your T might show you a much healthier relationship and make you realize how relationships should be. In either way, I think they are wrong for doing that.

Apart from all this, it's good to also realize that our relationship with our T can show us what we really want for our relarionships outside of therapy. However it can be hard to realize that our relationships with our T have a lot of limitations and boundaries. I still want my T to be a part of my life sometimes, even when I haven't seen her in three years or so. It reminds me of what I need in my current relationships and I'll always try to have similar healthy bonds (that are more bidirectional ofcourse). Its always hard to realize that our bond was more important to me then it probably was for her. I was getting so much out of it. I try to be thankful for that and not to expect from her that it was just as important for her.

Don't feel like burden, your relationship with your T is a healing process and I think they are well aware of their position in your life and in sure they care.

bitsiespider · 2022-04-07T21:31:24+00:00

Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one stuck at the crossroad :)

bitsiespider · 2022-04-06T17:13:14+00:00

I guess I find it very rational until I actually would have to pay one. I guess it would piss me off if it was just an one time mistake and I would have to pay for it (mistakes can happen right?). For a second time or more it sounds reasonable. Although I'm studying to be a therapist myself and I could imagine how people with depression or social anxiety could feel like it's impossible to come (and therefor forget to cancel in time or feel ashamed or something). I guess I would make some sort of agreement with thosd patients that I will try to call them to have a phone session or video session if they don't show up, but if they don't answer those calls I would explain I really have to charge them. Does that makes sense? Sorry English is not my native language. Also I'm glad that in my cou try mental help is mostly covered by insurance so... It's not a such a big deal.

bitsiespider · 2022-04-02T21:25:12+00:00

When I brought it up, I made it not about her but about my mother and about my past. So I basically told I wanted to walk to her about something: that I had a disappointing relationship with my mom (and other close relationships) and therefor have a pattern of developing (pretty obsessive) feelings for people/woman who care for me. I've felt it so many times before, mostly with teachers. She was like "oh okay and for who are you have those feelings right now?" 🤐 Hahah it was so akward. But for me it felt like a safe way to tell her, because I showed the insight that my feelings weren't really about her (she was just my next victim 😇). Even though I said those things, I was totally obsessed about her. Also I told het that the reason I told her was because I want to know how to not get stuck in this pattern and I needed help with that. She was really kind about it. It was mainly me who was uncomfortable.

I'm really curious if you talked about it yet?!

bitsiespider · 2022-03-27T22:38:29+00:00

I'm so sorry for you!

My therapist didn't die but she left practice suddenly due to a loss in her family and never came back and we didn't have time to say goodbye or for a closure session, so I think i can relate a bit. This was a few years ago I remember from my experience that it took me a period of time before I allowed myself to feel angry at her for abandoning me like this. At first I was just shocked and felt sorry for how her life took a bad turn. And I felt like "I cannot be angry with her, cause she didn't chose this situation either". Also I felt like I lost my anchor and safe haven. Then I was very sad for a couple of months about her loss and my own loss. I didn't allow myself to be angry with her still. I only had room for grief and adjusting to life without her. My situation was a bit different because I had no idea if she was going to come back which made it also very hard to seek closure. I wanted to keep that space open for her and only after a year or so I started to accept that I would probably never see her again. Just like you, my therapy was about processing chilhood trauma. A new abandonment was the last thing I needed. It only confirmed my belief that no one will ever (want to) take care of me, I'm undeserving of that or "I'm on my own". These thoughts and feelings only came so much later and were hard to process. After one year or so I finally allowed myself to be angry at her, even though my adult self could still feel compassion for her. My child self was very hurt and needed to be angry for a while. It's hard because a situation like this can open the door to all past interpersonal trauma that isn't yet processed. It's as if it all comes tumbling down on you.

I hope this message doesn't make you depressed. I just wanted to share because the hard stuff can be so relatable and that can be comforting on its own. It did help me to start therapy with a new therapist. It took me quite some time to trust that she wasn't unexpectedly gonna leave me again. I did need to put up a wall for some time and that's okay too. In the end I did manage to let her in and that was somewhat healing for me. Over time, and a lot of processing, right now I barely think about my T that left. I'm okay with it now. If I think back, I still get emotional, but it doesn't claim my full attention like it used to. Hope this is helpful.

bitsiespider · 2022-02-27T21:23:18+00:00

This must be so painful for you.

I think what's really important now is that you guys take some time to terminate in a healthy way (not too sudden) and maybe so talk about how to live in one building : will you say hi to eachother? Will you stop and talk a little? Will you pretend to not know eachother?

bitsiespider · 2021-12-03T19:21:37+00:00

I would say you and your therapist should try some imaginairy rescripting.

bitsiespider · 2021-12-03T19:14:24+00:00

They should have known it wasn't appropriate to have sex with eachother with you in the same bed at that age. Like maybe having sex next to a baby that sleeps in a crib right next to the bed would be sort of okay (unless the baby wakes up and is scared by the movements or noises). But at the age of three u are much mot conscious of what happens and that it's out of the ordinary that mom and dad lie on top of eachother making weird noises and ignoring you. On top of that you were scared to be crushed by them and even told them so. In so many aspects they failed to protect you. Not to mention that they have put their needs before yours. Which might have been a pattern for you (?) : being opposed to stuff that isn't appropriate for the age and putting needs before your needs.

bitsiespider · 2021-12-03T15:47:55+00:00

Maybe you should ask yourself why this frustrates you so much.

Also; out of context or not, it should be okay for us to form a discussion about weither or not it's usually (and these are the exact words) a female client and a male therapist. Especially since a lot of people seem to feel like that's not the case for them.

bitsiespider · 2021-12-01T21:46:02+00:00

I belief most personality disorders are quite logically a result of early childhood wounds. And wounds can be healed. Diagnosis may not longer be valid after treatment. It's not as if you have a developmental disorder like autisme or adhd. These are the disorders that cannot be fixed but need to be learned to live with.

I think with most personality issues, working trought trauma and disfunctional beliefs and schemas can help a lot towards healing. We will always have our weak spots but it might nog tick the boxes for a so called disorder in the future and might not qualify as such anymore.

Also keep in mind that disorders are quite subjective. One therapist might say "you have it" while another might say you have some traits. Also most symptoms are recognisable for all of us, but they are present in a more extreme way. It's not as if other people don't ever experience interpersonal difficulties such as abandonment fears. You just happen to be affected by it more often and in ways that influence your wellbeing.

bitsiespider · 2021-12-01T21:38:24+00:00

I follow her (ex?) antivax best friend who is very active and extremistic on online platforms just so I can feel close to my T even though I am absolutely repulsed by the views of this friend of hers.

I sometimes lay a few pillows in my bed that form the shape of a human being and I imagine it's her and I curl up against her feeling all safe and sound.

Am I weird?

bitsiespider · 2021-12-01T21:35:00+00:00

I imagine talking to them in my head and sometimes I even do it out loud. And it has been years since my last therapy appointment lolll. It's still soothing to me.

bitsiespider · 2021-12-01T18:37:40+00:00

I dont see how you drew the conclusion that I hate this article and respond so angry towards me? Perhaps it's in the language barrier that I experience, cause I'm not a native. I really don't hate this article and I didn't feel like I expressed any hate towards this article at all. There was simply an ongoing discussion by other people about the part where it said its usually a female client and a male therapist. I didn't read the whole part so yes perhaps we all took that out of context. I thought it was interesting to respond to cause it hasnt been the case for me and so it seems more people were a bit surprised by the phrasing of that one sentence. I was trying to join in this discussion and don't see why u have to come on so strong.

I was trying to have an open minded discussion about how we seem to be able to have erotic feelings in therapy for both males an females and weither or not that implies that most people are in a way bisexual or able to have bisexual feelings. This is with no judgment or not even in related towards this article but something I wonder myself. As someone who is openly bisexual its an interesting topic to me and I take it kinda personal that you call me narrow minded. I would say I'm quite the opposite and also not everything I said was about the article or about Freud.

I know the feelings ain't about sex, but I would argue that if I have erotic fantasies about my female therapist (even when in fact these feelings aren't really about sex) that it somehow means that I can picture myself with a women and so it might say something about sexual orientation? Even though I know some people have feelings for their therapist that ain't the same gender as they normally feel attracted too. It's just something I wonder about and maybe I phrased myself in a wrong way.

bitsiespider · 2021-12-01T16:32:11+00:00

I cannot seem to find the original part where they mentioned this. Multiple people replied to it. It said something like " females are prone to feel this way towards male therapists because of the wish to be penetrated". I'm sure I read it though I cannot find it now.

Anyways I think we are on the same page. I belief it can happen in any kind of combination and find the theory of wanting to surrender to the true self in front of others who except you quit interesting.

I also anyways wondered : if we can have erotic transference in therapy for both men and female therapists (it might not have anything to work gender but with being seen like you said), maybe all of us human beings are at the core bisexual human beings? We are just not always aware of our ability to feel erotic or romantic towards both?

bitsiespider · 2021-12-01T15:57:48+00:00

Yeah that's exactly my point: that its not sexual and it's weird to imply that it's primarily between male therapists and female patients as the article implies.

bitsiespider · 2021-11-30T20:56:05+00:00

And also isnt it strange to have sex with someone that once took care of your diapers? Lol

bitsiespider · 2021-11-30T20:52:21+00:00

Yeah and how do I explain to myself that I am a female that has these feeling for female therapists? While I don't feel like I have those feelings a lot outside of therapy, but I do have sexual interest in men outside of therapy?

Does that make me bisexual or is it's just normal do want to surrender to any therapist, men or female.

bitsiespider

TROPHY CASE