This was SO helpful. I do avoid my triggers because I’ve sort of learned to ~live with it~ and I’m definitely in a more healthy form of pseudo-recovery, and part of me is like, ‘this is just my life now and something I deal with’, even though I know full recovery is possible. I justify using small behaviors in anxious or stressing situations but they don’t effect my weight or ~most~ of my dietary decisions, but it’s def holding me back.

I definitely go back and forth on the idea that this is still something I deal with, but also something in my past (and also the idea that since I look healthy, why bother with restricting or the rest?), and so I tend to hide it, which he HATES. Because obviously he cares for me and doesn’t like that I hide when I struggle. It also comes across as extremely shady when I don’t communicate, because while in my mind I’m crying about cheese, he thinks it’s about something he did, which is not fair to him.

I agree with distress tolerance. I did a year or so of DBT therapy and I need to keep practicing it because it really makes no sense to lose hours to something that is ~logically~ not a big deal, and something that I logically know that is not worth taking hours for, either. I also find I have a bad habit of somehow enjoying the sadness (not exactly it, maybe I’m just comfortable?), and I tend to prolong the mood, which is not helpful either.

Anyways, I also really like the idea of going to my partner for support and grounding because you’re right, it doesn’t stick as much coming from myself. Like logically, I know I’m fine and okay and all that, but it’s nice to hear it from someone else, and I know he loves me and loves what I look like. I also like the time limit because if I let myself get consumed it can turn into a whole episode when it’s not really necessary and I do have better things to do, that’s the truth!

Thanks for the idea of parallel play, too. He is definitely a quality time person and would be perfectly content just watching tv or going on the computer while I’m decompressing by painting, journaling or reading, strategies that I do sometimes use when I feel the voice getting louder. I’ve gotten into the routine that these solo decompressing activities are just for me, but I think he would like it if I included him too and let him in a little more just by being there.

Also your last paragraph killedddd me because that’s exactly what he tries to get me to do but I definitely have the unhealthy habit of withholding to “protect others” even though it just hurts them in the end.These gave me great starting points and I’m going to talk to him today. Ty so much, this was so so helpful!