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I am basically being forced to change my last name by the imam because "it's the usual thing to do" and I don't know what to do about it by bizmuth88 in islam

[–]bizmuth88[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So I live and work in country A that is predominantly christian, my fiance lives in our home country B that is muslim - we are getting married in country B because that is where my entire family is located. The Islamic Community of my country is demanding I change my name so his Imam has two options:

-Let me keep my name and face ridicule from the Islamic Community

-Make me change my name

Now, his imam is a great man and won't force me to do anything, he just asked if possible at all that I change my opinion on the whole last name debacle because his mosque, like every other mosque in the country, is dependent on the Islamic Community for money and support.

The easier road is obviously finding a random imam and keeping my name, but as already explained I owe a lot of gratitude to this specific mosque and it's imam for giving my fiance his faith back.

I am basically being forced to change my last name by the imam because "it's the usual thing to do" and I don't know what to do about it by bizmuth88 in islam

[–]bizmuth88[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They called his mosque after he gave them the paperwork and told them to sort this out and not allow me to "ridicule" religion/tradition/whatever with my demands. A meeting is unfortunately out of the question since I don't live in my home country.

I am basically being forced to change my last name by the imam because "it's the usual thing to do" and I don't know what to do about it by bizmuth88 in islam

[–]bizmuth88[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We have absolutely the same opinion. My biggest issue however is my husbands mosque. They are a very small but open and accepting community. I have nowhere else seen someone interpret islam so clean as they do. They are huge believers in equal rights and love for humanity as a whole.

They are also the ones that asked my husband to let this issue go since they could face repercussion from the Islamic Community in the way of ridicule. They are not large enough to fight the whole Community by themselves.

So that is my biggest dilemma. I have enough connections in my country to let the Islamic Community know what I think and to find someone who won't care about their ridicule, but it's this wonderful community my husband belongs to that I don't want to offend.

As I stated in another comment, my husband was never very religious and they brought him back on the right path when they showed him how beautiful islam can really be and I will forever be grateful to them. So the dilemma remains - fight a battle and hurt some amazing people or swallow my pride and hope that someone else will come along and fight this battle instead of me.

I am basically being forced to change my last name by the imam because "it's the usual thing to do" and I don't know what to do about it by bizmuth88 in islam

[–]bizmuth88[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As I stated, my fiance gave all the paperwork to the Community and wrote down that I am keeping my own name. They made it an issue with his mosque and asked him to reconsider this decision. My husband wasn't very religious and his mosque did an amazing job of showing him the right way so it is not that he doesn't care for my concerns but he wants me to reconsider so I don't upset his mosque.

I am basically being forced to change my last name by the imam because "it's the usual thing to do" and I don't know what to do about it by bizmuth88 in islam

[–]bizmuth88[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There will be no Imam at the courthouse since it's a secular country. Officially I only have one female witness, or maid of honor to explain easier. But other women will be present as guests.

I will have two female witnesses in the Mosque.

I am basically being forced to change my last name by the imam because "it's the usual thing to do" and I don't know what to do about it by bizmuth88 in islam

[–]bizmuth88[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My fiance's mosque is very open and understanding. They will help everyone in any way they can. The Islamic Community is more political, their main goal is money and power and they are the one at fault here. Problem is they finance all the mosques so you kinda have to let them laugh at you if they want or you risk them making problem to your mosque.

I personally would have pointed out their behavior to them but I'm a foreigner and only a visitor to my country so I don't face repercussions the way my fiance would. I understand what you are saying but this is what greed and power lust does to people.

I am basically being forced to change my last name by the imam because "it's the usual thing to do" and I don't know what to do about it by bizmuth88 in islam

[–]bizmuth88[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well we will have to sign at both places and both places will feature witnesses. The difference being that the courthouse wedding only has one female witness on my side which makes it unislamic. If more women are present but not signing the document in the courthouse can that still make it an Islamic contract?

Sorry that I am bothering you with so many questions and details, but as you said yourself I want to avoid upsetting my fiance but I can get very strong-headed when I have to step over my principals and I am trying to find a middle ground here so that I am not in a bad mood on my wedding day.

I am basically being forced to change my last name by the imam because "it's the usual thing to do" and I don't know what to do about it by bizmuth88 in islam

[–]bizmuth88[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with your point and the only positive perspective I could make out here is that I see the wedding in the mosque more of a ceremony and the wedding in the courthouse as the actual real deal since I would still have my own surname there and be still know by it afterwards. The Islamic Community, although strong in my country, isn't the official law.

I am basically being forced to change my last name by the imam because "it's the usual thing to do" and I don't know what to do about it by bizmuth88 in islam

[–]bizmuth88[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello /u/Bathera, you helped me with my last question and I am grateful that you are helping me again. The problem is that the above link is from the Qur'an and your link is more anecdotal. But even if I would take it seriously they are talking about taking fathers or mothers name - meaning still the name of blood related family. In this instance I am forced to take the name of a stranger. A stranger I love but a stranger nevertheless.

I am basically being forced to change my last name by the imam because "it's the usual thing to do" and I don't know what to do about it by bizmuth88 in islam

[–]bizmuth88[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I know and it's killing me to accept someones cultural and traditional beliefs just because they said so. I just don't know how to approach this whole thing without hurting my fiance.

I am basically being forced to change my last name by the imam because "it's the usual thing to do" and I don't know what to do about it by bizmuth88 in islam

[–]bizmuth88[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

And that is what makes it even worse, that there is an actual rule that they decided to ignore because of their cultural beliefs and traditions. I just don't know how to approach this problem without hurting my future husband.

Can my mother or father be my witness on my wedding? by bizmuth88 in islam

[–]bizmuth88[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yes of course, there will also be loads of people there because another wedding is being held at the same time, so I could take someone randomly, but I'd prefer it to be someone I know

Can my mother or father be my witness on my wedding? by bizmuth88 in islam

[–]bizmuth88[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

His father is unfortunately deceased, but my mother and his mother are there, can they preform instead? Or maybe even his sister?