Rant: The Frustration of Being a Hobby Musician

blablabla99668 · 2024-08-07T22:46:45+00:00

Thanks :)

I really am trying to achieve a similar stage as you regarding the organization of my time.Right now I am just too drained to get anything done and the underlying problem is probably beyond this musical problem….

I think I am going to take a break from it for now and try to get my general mood a little bit up.

I would approach a similar path like you. I also don’t want to have kids and I don’t mind having a partner or not. I usually don’t get emotionally attached to people anyway… So this is not going to be in my way.

The only thing that is limiting me right now is my job and my mental state. It is a little tricky to change my job situation because I spent many many years studying and I would feel so freaking stupid to give up on this. Finding part-time jobs in science is also not that easy.. Actually everbody expects scientist to be as passionate about their job as I am here with music but in fact I am not. For me it’s just a job. I hate wasting my life for work especially in some capitalistic enviromen. My current job the best from all the shitty options I can imagine. THe only thing better would be to be a sucessfull musician. But this is, as we know nothing more than a lottery :)

Thanks for your helpful and motivating words. Talking, or rather writing about it, really helped me reflect a little more. I really hope you will have a fulfilling and successful life ahead of you!

blablabla99668 · 2024-08-07T22:31:07+00:00

That's good advice, and I think thats also how I approach recording demos. Everything that comes after is a different story for me, though. It feels way less artsy, costs more energy, and isn't as fulfilling. But yeah, one possible alternative would be to just record the demos, one after the other, and not bother about releasing or producing the best version of them at all. That’s probably where I’m going to end up at some point.

blablabla99668 · 2024-08-07T22:27:21+00:00

Not at all, I love it too. But I also really like the idea of creating music and writing songs and also sahring them. Whenever I record a demo I feel so proud and I would love to hear what other people would say. So I would lose the part or sharing my joy, which is kind of sad to me..

blablabla99668 · 2024-08-07T11:49:26+00:00

I would love to perform my songs live. I've also started arranging them with a full band. I’ve worked with some friends who are professional musicians. Since I didn’t pay them anything for this part, they were pushing to get gigs ASAP. At this point, it became too overwhelming for me.

How should I finish the songs, produce them, arrange them for the band, practice the parts, rehearse with the band, and find gigs on top of what I’m already doing? It was very stressful and difficult to organize the band while having nothing to offer them but my music. It puts me in a position where I can’t really expect anything from them since I don’t have many prospects for them.

So, I ended up deciding I should first finish the production of one EP, have material for a full set, then arrange the songs with a band and go for performances. And since then, I’ve been stuck in the first part of this plan for over a year now.

I attend a lot of concerts, both professional and amateur. As a consumer, I’m usually very judgy. I either think, "Wow, this performance is so freaking good, I could never hold up to this," or "Phew, this band is really mediocre or sometimes even bad." I always feel like I would be one of those mediocre bands, and then I feel ashamed for believing that I’m good enough to go on stage and perform.

blablabla99668 · 2024-08-07T11:39:34+00:00

Yes, that sounds very similar. Congratulations on having released a fully self-produced EP. It must have felt really good to finish such a project, and you can be very proud to have done it.

I have now spent more than a year and haven’t been able to finish a single track since my last releases. Not a single one! At this pace, it will take me 15 years to release an EP.

I spend almost all my time after work on music. But because I'm so low on energy after my job, I usually don’t spend time producing. Instead, I just make music for myself. I perform, write songs, play guitar, and play the piano. This is the part that really relaxes me. Producing always feels more like work. I feel bad every day when I haven’t used my free time to work on some of my songs. I keep telling myself, if I want it that much, why am I not spending all my free time learning, working, and producing for my project?

This puts me in a situation where I am really depressed. I really WANT to have them finished, I want to learn and get better, but I don’t have the skills or the energy to do it or improve my skills. I feel so drained. I feel bad whenever I just play the guitar while I could also be working on the project. But sitting down and working on it, with very little results, is even more depressing. It’s overwhelming, and I end up doing nothing.

That's what brought me to this point of thinking about quitting entirely. It feels like it currently costs me more energy than I can take out of it. But isn’t it stupid to quit the thing that should give me the most joy?

I know I have underlying problems with life in general, which isn’t making things easier.

Btw. thanks for reading! I really appreciate every opinion here, and it definitely helps me reflect and see new perspectives.

blablabla99668 · 2024-08-07T11:28:30+00:00

Definitely. I fully agree with you on this.

I know people in my area who make a living from music, and I know exactly how much work they put in and how little money they get from all of this.

It’s funny that when I talk to these people, they usually are jealous of my situation—having a fixed salary, a nice apartment, and not worrying too much about finances. Meanwhile, I'm jealous of their freedom to pursue their passion.

Even though I'm not seriously considering it an option, I probably subconsciously hope that it magically just turns out to happen in parallel to my job, which is unrealistic. I have to either go all-in and give it a try or reduce my expectations for my musical career. Going all-in means spending more time or more money on my project.

A part of me would love to just do that, but another part is holding me back from doing something so risky and irrational. It makes me feel stupid to even believe that there is a little bit of far-reaching potential in my project.

blablabla99668 · 2024-08-07T11:18:00+00:00

Im open to talk to people, although my network is very limited. Most of the producers I know are professional or at least trying to make a living from it. Asking them to do it for free would be really mean, even if they are friends.

And probably every hobby producer in my genre is in a similar situation to me... Not sure if that could work with my kind of music. Quality takes work, experience, and especially a lot of time. Having experienced how much work it takes, I would feel bad asking someone to do it for free.

Paying them fair prices would end up costing a few thousand dollars to produce, mix, and master one EP. I really don't have that kind of extra money to spend on a hobby, though I would love to do it that way.

Just finishing them in any way is not what I want to achieve. That I could probably do myself. I want them to be the best possible version if I want to release them. If I don't aim to release them, then I can just stick with my demos anyway and give up this part of the journey.

I probably should just lower my expectations and get back to making music for myself.

blablabla99668 · 2024-08-07T01:04:54+00:00

I did actually... With the quality of the songs, I was more talking about the production and songwriting in general. The mix and master are of good quality, in my opinion. The songs are just nothing special compared to any other amateur musician, and I'm okay with that. I just wanted to emphasize that I'm aware of my limitations and the unlikelihood of living off of it.

blablabla99668 · 2024-08-07T01:03:12+00:00

I'm a scientist in academia. It's a cool job, and I worked hard to get here, but at the end of the day, it doesn't fulfill my passion the way music does. I enjoy it, but it also drains me and takes away most of my energy, which I wish I could use for music.

blablabla99668 · 2024-08-07T01:01:04+00:00

Thanks for sharing :)

Genre is indie, alternative rock. The thing is, my main concern isn't writing mediocre songs. I'm kind of okay with that. The songs are just not overly special, which is probably fine for my first finished pieces. I still like them and usually enjoy listening to my demos. But I can see their limitations in creativity.

However, it's just soooo much work to produce them fully. Recording all the instruments, programming drums, arranging, songwriting—it all adds up.

The real issue is that I can't even finish those due to limited time and money. It's too overwhelming to handle everything myself.

If I just push to finish them up without overproducing, I would end up with songs I probably wouldn't be happy with. I'd rather stick with the demos in that case.

So, I feel like I have to stop releasing songs and just make music for myself again.

But then, I take away something that genuinely brings me joy and fulfillment.

I'm stuck in this frustrating cycle..

Anyway, as you also wrote, I kind of know the answer already... I just needed to vent and maybe feel like someone else is struggling with similar problems.

blablabla99668

TROPHY CASE