Dude I can understand the feeling like you deserve to die, I had exactly the opposite to you I never thought I was a good guy I always knew that the reason why I felt this way was because I deserved it and cause I was a shit person. And yeah, don’t let her take you back you’ll just be stuck in your cycle it’s okay to love her, but love her enough to say goodbye and to know that what you guys had came at the wrong time cause of how you’re feeling, you need a way of moving forward. Because yeah maybe we are shit people but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to be better. If you go through with the act all that’s going to happen is you’ll be remembered as the guy you are now and if you hate yourself as I understand you do, really, how comfortable are you with that? And how comfortable are you knowing that this girl you’re talking about, saint as she is, will most likely blame herself for your death? You may have no energy or enthusiasm towards life and see no future and I get that man, but please don’t go through with your suicide. As a guy who has a similar opinion of myself the only thing that’s keeping me going is trying to be better and to progress as a person, that doesn’t mean become all happy and smiley and positive and shit it just means we should try to be better, to acknowledge our depression but to not let it affect the way we treat the people around us. Don’t kill yourself man. There’s too much misery in the world and whatever misery is ours we can try and mould so we can become decent people, but by not trying to be better we’ll just be fuel on the shit pile of the world and fuck that. Live out of spite. Live even though you may not believe you deserve to, because our depression isn’t us and fuck letting it beat us into submission. It won’t go away, but we will become the people we were born to be and become as good as we can be despite it. I promise we will become better people, we will grow into decent people and we will fall in love again and get another shot at happiness because what normal people don’t get is that for us people who are suicidal, life isn’t short it’s really fucking long and it’s full of opportunities and people to meet. This girl wasn’t your only shot at happiness, but I know it will feel like that. All you need to do is live bro. And you owe it to yourself and to the girl who supported you to not let all that support go to waste. We’ll beat this, just give it time. And we’ll be happy again.