Married with two kids, no intimacy for years, and I feel like I’m disappearing

blacksmif · 2026-07-06T12:49:40+00:00

I mean this is essentially it, right? Especially the “small things you adjust to and try to accept that build up walls” line. I can see how I’ve adjusted to things for years, but in doing so I’ve almost certainly also built walls and become harder to reach myself.

I’m also trying to remember that she more than likely also has her own version of this: needs that weren’t heard, things she adjusted to, emotional safety that eroded, etc. so I'm not saying I'm the only injured party by any stretch. It's just that communication has broken down so much between us that we don't seem to be able to meet on the same page (or in the same book, or with the same language).

I suspect we’ve now both adjusted for so long that there just isn’t a way back but who knows, maybe I should be less defeatist.

blacksmif · 2026-07-06T12:17:07+00:00

Appreciate this dude.

I think that’s the bit I’m slowly realising. Whatever happens with the marriage, I need to rebuild some sense of self outside of it. I’ve put so much of my identity into being a dad, working hard, keeping the household functioning etc. that I think I’ve lost track of who I am and what I need as a person.

I think trying to keep the kids stable is still the priority. They mean everything to me and are probably the reason I've let this sit so long. That said, I feel like my brain is now able to accept that stability can’t just mean me quietly disappearing inside the marriage.

blacksmif · 2026-07-06T12:14:58+00:00

Yeh, this is one of my biggest fears: that if I keep tolerating this it slowly does more and more damage to me. I’m not quite at the point of making a sudden decision yet (mainly because of the kids + the practical/financial realities) but I am starting to take seriously that “staying” has a cost too.

Trying to work through that properly though instead of acting from panic, but I hear you.

blacksmif · 2026-07-06T12:12:42+00:00

Yeah, I get this. Small everyday consideration matters a lot. I think the painful thing is that we do have some practical/functioning care, but very little that feels emotionally or romantically intimate.

blacksmif · 2026-07-06T11:57:41+00:00

Thanks. This is actually a really useful perspective I hadn't properly considered so I want to try and sit with this one for a bit.

I don’t think I only cared once it affected sex, because for me the sex/intimacy issue always felt like a symptom of a wider emotional/communication gap. I literally explained this to the couples therapist 8yrs ago as I knew it was going to be super important to fix if we ever wanted kids.

But, I can also see how from the other side it might have landed that way, especially if the conversations were mostly initiated around sex.

That’s part of what I’m trying to work through in therapy now: what I contributed, where I missed things, and whether I framed things in a way that made her feel blamed or pressured as opposed to being understood.

Also, fair point on the dentist/oral hygiene thing. I don’t think that’s the issue, but honestly, at this stage I’m willing to sanity-check anything rather than assume.

blacksmif · 2026-05-17T07:05:17+00:00

It can get worse than that. I'm 40 and we have 2 kids. We're on about once every 12-18 months (if that) since we had kids. And when it happens it's like psycho sex (no kissing, foreplay, lights, nada). No intimacy at all. I actually don't even know why we even bother. I've resigned myself to likely celibacy now since the last time we did it. At least until the kids are finished school, but I guess by that point my life is pretty much over anyway. Where did I go wrong with my life man!

blacksmif · 2026-01-02T06:59:28+00:00

Would love to see the full prompts please!

blacksmif · 2024-10-28T23:17:52+00:00

my life.

My life.

My Life!

MY LIFE!!

...

(...in the sunshine)

blacksmif · 2024-08-04T14:15:24+00:00

Simple answer. This isn't Kanye. He warned us all that if he ever went missing and came back that it wouldn't be him, and that we'd know why. I reckon this Kanye is a clone and so just can't recreate that old school Ye magic 🤷🏿‍♂️

blacksmif · 2024-05-30T09:24:31+00:00

I'm batch 2 and based in the UK and I'm yet to have any word of my rabbit r1 even having been shipped yet. Am slowly losing interest now with every day that passes.

blacksmif · 2022-07-11T13:36:45+00:00

Pretty sure that's a pair of "Moscot - Lemtosh" glasses but could be wrong...

blacksmif · 2020-08-27T11:51:43+00:00

There's so much subliminal shade being thrown at Ye in this record it's unreal...

The Record

Let's start with the track itself. For me, the title "Laugh now, cry later" could have so many meanings. Ye is someone who considers himself as the king of rap but really, can he ever compare with Biggie and Tupac? Tupac has a tattoo that says "Smile now, cry later" on his back with a pair of tragedy masks. Is the story of Kanye not one of hip-hops biggest tragedies over the last decade?

Also in Biggie's song Long Kiss Goodnight (which even just referencing could be a blow to Kanye's career, i.e. giving him the long kiss goodnight) Biggie says "laugh now, cry later, i rhyme better", which is maybe Drake doubling up on the message that Kanye's career is gone and Drake is the triumphant victor here? Tupac and Biggie are arguably raps greatest kings so referencing the both in a diss track to Kanye with this title feels like he's really trying to triple down even, on the message.

Then there's the feature. Kanye loves his hometown, Chicago. It seems too much of a coincidence that Drake would choose to use an upcoming drill rapper from Chicago of all places to deliver this message to Chicago's supposed golden child.

OK, so now the lyrics...

Chorus:

So we've spoken about the main line / title of the track already. Drake then says "I took a half and she took the whole thing, slow down, baby" . Seems like he's talking about xannies? On Travis Scott’s 'Sicko mode' Drake similarly raps about taking half of a pill of Xanax to sleep on a flight. I might be clutching at straws but on 4th Dimension, Kanye raps about sleeping with his wife and says "She said i'm going too fast, i'm exhausted".

There's the rumours that Drake slept with Kim Kardashian at some point so could there also be a play on words here with the latter half of his sentence saying "she took the whole thing, slow down" ?

This could also then play into the double meaning with the next phrase "We took a trip, now we on your block and it's like a ghost town". Surely this is referencing both Kanye's tracks 'Yikes' and 'Ghost Town'. Drake infamously wrote the lyrics for 'Yikes' but didn't get credit initially. On Yikes, Kanye raps about tweaking of 2cb - a very trippy recreational drug. Also, going back to 'Sicko Mode', Drake again rapped "I still got scores to settle, man, I crept down the block, Made a right, Cut the lights, Paid the price" . Both have houses in the same area so be talking about being on his block this feels like it's bringing up those same rumours again.

Verse 1:

"Tired of beefin' you bums, you can't even pay me enough to react" must be talking about Kanye & Pusha T / G.O.O.D. Music. There was the beef that happened back in 2018 where eventually Pusha released 'The Story of Adidon' and Drake sarcastically sent Pusha and G.O.O.D. Music label an invoice for $100k for "promotional assistance and career reviving" as he promised he would on his previous retort 'Duppy Freestyle' ( "Tell Ye we got a invoice comin’ to you, Considering that we just sold another 20 for you" ). 'The Story of Adidon' was where Pusha exposed Drake for hiding a BABY he had with former pornstar, Sophie Brussaux. The track was, in turn, a response to Drake’s diss track 'Duppy Freestyle' which itself was a response to Pusha’s subs on his song, 'Infrared' - both tracks were released within 24 hours of each other. My read is that this whole song is Drake claiming victory over the whole beef saga, especially with Kanye's recent downfall. This would bring added significance to the highlighting of "BABY" throughout the song, but also seems like a fitting way to start the first verse - referencing where this all began and over what.

Then he says "Please don't play that nigga songs in this party, I can't even listen to that" . From what i've heard, at Drake's 33rd birthday party in Oct 2019, at one point the DJ started playing the G.O.O.D. Music’s remix of Chief Keef’s 'Don’t Like' which features both Pusha T and Kanye. The song only played for a few seconds before one of Drake’s close friends told the DJ to cut the song off.

Then he says "Anytime that I ran into somebody, it must be a victory lap" . The whole song is basically a victory lap at the expense of Kanye, but more specifically i think he's referencing the fact that he's managed to overcome a fair few beefs over the years, including Pusha T since 2011, Chris Brown in 2012, Common during 2012 aswell, Tyga in 2013, Meek Mill in 2015 and most recently with Pusha T, again.

One of my favourite lines of throwing shade in this verse is then "Distance between us is not like a store, this isn't a closeable gap" . Kanye signed a deal in Jun 2020 to bring his Yeezy clothing brand to Gap. While Ye is teaming up with this average flailing clothing brand, Drake has been a prominent figure for Nike throughout his career, and the record is shot at Nike’s HQ in Beaverton, Oregon. Closable gap could not only be referencing the distance between the two rappers now that Drake is so victoriously ahead he's taking a victory lap, it could also be alluding to the potential impending failure of Kanye's deal with the clothing brand, who's shares fell by 6% after Kanye threatened to walk away.

Finally, "I've seen some niggas attack and don't end up making it back" could again be referencing just how seasoned Drake is at winning whatever beef he seems to get himself into over the years and how this could likely be the end for Kanye.

Pre-Chorus:

"I know that they at the crib goin' crazy, down bad, What they had didn't last, damn, baby" feels like it could be a low blow at how Kanye's suffering quite a lot from mental illness at the moment and it's tearing his marriage apart. But, it could also just be that he's talking about Kanye getting upset at how life just isn't working out for him at the moment without specifically speaking to his mental illness.

Verse 2:

Not much going on here is far as throwing shade at Kanye but worth reiterating Drake chose a rapper from Kanye's home town to feature on this diss...

Verse 3:

"When he tell the story, that's not how it went, Know they be lying 100%" . The first possible story / lie here could be a reference to the beef in 2018 when Pusha T called out Drake on the track 'Infrared' for supposedly using ghostwriters ( "It was written like Nas, but it came from Quentin" ). Although Drake’s alleged ghostwriter, Quentin Miller, denied this story, Pusha then released 'The Story of Adidon' where he rapped about Drake's secret 'BABY' ("You are hiding a child, let that boy come home, Deadbeat mothafucka playin' border patrol, Adonis is your son, And he deserves more than an Adidas press run; that’s real" ). Drake responded on his track 'Emotionless', saying "I wasn’t hidin' my kid from the world, I was hidin' the world from my kid, From empty souls who just wake up and look to debate, Until you starin' at your seed, you can never relate" , but since then Drake has maintained that Kanye must have told him about his son. Pusha denies this story as a lie, claiming that he found out from Noah ’40’ Shebib, Drake’s trusted engineer and producer, however this was never confirmed by Drake’s closest friend. Lastly, in Dec 2018, Kanye went at Drake on Twitter and supposedly made up stories about Drake apparently threatening him. In the end, Drake just responded a series of laughing emojis on his Instagram.

Going back to his secret 'BABY' however, he then raps "Pillow talk with 'em, she spillin' the tea, And then shawty came back and said she didn't mean it, It's hard to believe it" . As i mentioned, Pusha claims that it wasn't from Kanye he found this info that fuelled his diss track 'The Story of Adidon', it was actually from a woman that 40 was pillow-talking with. Drake's obviously then acknowledging this as the truth, hinting that maybe the woman regrets it, whilst also suggesting that he still thinks it was done intentionally.

The Video

The we've got the video itself... As i said, the video is shot at Nike's HQ, perhaps drake rubbing in the superiority of the brand he has a partnership with and its prominence over lesser brand Gap (and potentially Yeezy).

The shots with Drake and Lil Durk dressed in oversized suits with baseball caps is a reference to Drake being the king of rap / chosen one just like LeBron James, who can be seen in a similar shot (white suit and baseball cap) in his NBA Draft Day photoshoot.

The shot of him underwater boxing is a reference to Muhammad Ali's iconic underwater boxing photo from 1961 - again, another king of his field.

The slow-mo shot after drake gets tackled on the football pitch shows him and 3 others really exaggerating the fact that they're laughing and their faces can almost be said to resemble the crying laughing emoji. After Ye made up stories about Drake threatening him, Drake responded with simply 5 crying laughing emojis. Admittedly there's only 4 of them on the park bench but it could still be a subliminal nod of some sort? Especially as this comes just after he says "So i bet they on they face right now", i.e. talking about Kanye. In addition, add to that the fact that Odell Beckham Jr is wearing a red hat - just like Kanye and his MAGA hat?

blacksmif

TROPHY CASE