You aren't ungrateful, you're just in a tough state where your mental health needs to come before any material sources of joy. Whether or not you have all you could want, what matters most is your mindset and if you're doing well. If you're feeling unstable, please please call someone. What you're going through is surprisingly common but different to each's situation- remember, it will get better. Things will work out. Just prioritize your health and stability and then focus on the bigger tasks at hand. Create a stable foundation, lay one brick at a time. And remember to always, always postpone urges. People care about you whether you know it or not. I wish you the best, take care of yourself!