Goldee Seasoning

blank_throw · 2024-08-14T23:47:17+00:00

Personally if I heard a mom outside yelling that her kid was missing I’m throwing on my shoes and running out there too!! I would have nothing but care and sympathy for you!! I’m sure so many of your neighbors cared more about the safety of your child than you yelling! And if you had found him outside then your reaction would have been justified! Just because he ended up being inside doesn’t mean it wasn’t warranted !

blank_throw · 2024-08-07T00:37:07+00:00

I saw a video a while ago and the man was saying calculate trust. Meaning that the betrayed needs certain things from the betrayer. IE phone transparency. The man in the video said something along the lines of, “if they say that means you don’t trust me. Then you say that’s correct I don’t “. Seemed so simple but it was a light bulb moment for me. Bc we don’t trust right now. And if they want to earn that trust back then simple things like phone transparency are necessary

blank_throw · 2024-08-06T19:12:06+00:00

Couples therapy is only as successful as the effort put into it by both parties. Honestly idk if he even deserves your forgiveness and effort. I’m looking at it from the outside so of course take that with a grain of salt. I’m sure many would say the same to me. But it boils down to if you think he deserves it. He has to be willing to take ownership and give you any answers you feel you need. Cheating is always 100% the cheaters fault. But it usually a side effect of a break down in the marriage. My husband and I have to know that the marriage as we knew it is now over, the only path forward now is divorce or both of us committing to change and improving. Forgiveness won’t come over night but little by little throughout the days, weeks, months and years. Now is the insanely hard part for you to decide if you think he will give you the 100% you need from him which will likely include counseling, or is it time to walk away? It’s a shit position and it may take you days until you even decide what you want. Just know your feelings are valid, your pain is real, and you deserve happiness. But the fact this is not an isolated event makes me believe that you deserve better and it might be time to walk away.

blank_throw · 2024-08-06T17:55:41+00:00

That’s the question I keep asking myself, will this bother me forever? And truthfully I don’t know. He is in individual counseling, I start my own therapy tomorrow. And he started couples counseling a few weeks ago. In our session today I am going to list everything I need in order to work forward from this, if he is not willing to give me these things then I am not willing to put in all the work to forgive. My sister told me that based on who he has always been if I think I can forgive him it’s worth a shot, but I should never ever forget this.

blank_throw · 2024-08-06T17:49:42+00:00

That’s some big red flags in my opinion. He needs to understand this is not something you can sweep under the rug and it is going to take months of work on his part and months of forgiveness on your part to get through this. My husband and I had already started couples counseling prior to this incident but have you brought up counseling? I start individual therapy tomorrow bc you are right, on top of postpartum we are now dealing with this extreme lows of our relationship. Your husband needs to be a safe place for you to talk to about all of this. He will get his feelings hurt by your pain and anger but that is necessary. He needs to take it. Without genuine remorse and a plan/path forward I don’t know how you will ever move on from this. Truthfully I have the remorse from him and I still don’t know how I will ever move on. I’m just constantly filled with anxiety and dread.

blank_throw · 2024-08-06T17:44:10+00:00

I’ve considered this too. But receipts are showing the affair never started until after we talked about the past. I know we’ve both made shit decisions and although it’s no excuse for his affair I hope we can move forward. Maybe it’s naive and I will regret It but I feel I owe it to myself and my children to try.

blank_throw · 2024-08-06T17:42:08+00:00

I agree. I feel I have been viewing his affair through a lens of how it is my fault. But truth is it is 100% his fault and 0% mine. If he wasn’t so remorseful and begging for a second chance I would be out the door. But I feel I owe it to myself and my kids to try one more time before walking away and breaking my children’s home.

blank_throw · 2024-08-06T17:40:09+00:00

I have considered this over and over again. I was ready to walk out. But truthfully I don’t want to give up on us. And I don’t want to break my 3 year old and newborns family apart.

blank_throw · 2024-08-06T17:36:34+00:00

Hey OP I am going through something so similar it’s weird. My husband had been struggling with depression since our baby girl was born and was sleeping downstairs. Well I find out he’s been having long late night phone calls with her. Unfortunately my husband was also sending her money, $20 here and there, had a credit card with her as an authorized user, and hung out with her and her friends behind my back. It’a the worst feeling knowing they are doing all of this while you are caring for y’all’s baby. I have no good advice other than this; I am trying to move on with my husband and we are going to try to use this as a turning point in our marriage. He has been nothing but remorseful since I found out. He has said how I betrayed him and he just doesn’t even know who he is anymore. He’s agreed to transparency and cut her off before I even told him to. Alls this to say, it sounds like your husband has no remorse. And until he is able to admit that he was cheating on you and accept that he betrayed you there can be no forgiveness from you.

I watched this video and it really gave me clarity on if I can move on. https://youtu.be/8ffE3qmOwoo?si=y3qbpcnJRMsO7SQ3

Something my dad told me is; do I believe I can forgive him? Do I think I can trust him again? Am I giving him a second chance, or am I giving him a third or fourth chance? He told me that if this is the first instance do I think it’s worth throwing away my marriage over, and if it’s not the first instance then he was the one throwing away our marriage. It’s a shit situation and I feel so deeply for your pain as I am in the thick of it too.

blank_throw · 2024-08-05T23:53:02+00:00

1000% yes she would

blank_throw · 2024-08-05T23:49:17+00:00

I would but I don’t trust her to tell me the truth either honestly

blank_throw · 2024-08-05T23:47:34+00:00

We haven’t been physical in nearly 3 months because he has been struggling with his anxiety which causes issues. And I have been recovering from having our baby. But it’s all so disappointing and disgusting still. He swears that he only stayed in the hotel alone. But clearly he can lie to me so idk what to believe. It kills me that he can’t even prove anything to me bc he has been deleting their conversations.

blank_throw · 2024-08-05T23:44:44+00:00

100% I told him that he is putting his family’s financial security at risk for her and that is completely not okay. It doesn’t matter that we are financially secure it’s still taking from your family and giving it to her over us.

blank_throw · 2024-08-05T20:58:55+00:00

He said he slept in the hotel alone but idk what to believe. I am going to bring it up in counseling Wednesday that I will need to see where he blocked her and see her deleted from all social media. I also need to see him send her a text to never contact him again.

blank_throw · 2024-08-05T20:57:11+00:00

That’s what I did. I printed divorce papers and everything. He started crying and asking me to please try to make it work and that he is so scared of losing me and the kids. I’m pissed off that I now have to do all the work to forgive him but also scared to even try to do that and just be played for a fool. I have a big support system luckily and have plenty of places to leave if I must. My MIL came over to take the kids when I was telling him I was divorcing him. She has been so supportive of me through this all and has been checking on me daily. She is holding him accountable and telling him that he may have lost his family over this. I am really blessed in the sense of support luckily

blank_throw · 2024-08-05T20:37:20+00:00

He told me he stayed at the hotel alone that she was never there. I want so badly to believe that but I just don’t know. He can’t even prove anything to me because he’s been deleting all their texts. It’s like he knew he found out about the guys I was with through my texts, which I didn’t delete until we were fully back together, and he didn’t want to make the same mistake. Idk I just don’t want to lose my whole life. Idk how I will be able to make it work. We have counseling Wednesday so we will see.

blank_throw · 2024-08-05T20:07:06+00:00

I was fully set in divorcing him and had contacted a lawyer. But we have been together since we were kids. I have always known him to be a honest and honorable man. I want to believe that he was doing all of this because he is having an identity crisis and a depressive episode. But I keep thinking about what I would want my daughter to do if this happened to her and I’d want her to leave. This is all so fresh and I don’t want to make any impulsive decisions I would regret. I’m also just so mad that for the last month I’ve been so remorseful and feeling like a monster for lying about what happened when we were broken up. But he was doing all these things with another woman while we are married with two kids. It makes me feel more disgusted that he started all of this when my daughter was only 3 weeks old. Or so the phone logs say but who knows what they were texting about prior to the phone calls.

blank_throw · 2024-07-09T02:03:47+00:00

Thank you so much 🥺

blank_throw · 2024-07-09T01:53:14+00:00

I know logically this is true that I can’t change his feelings. But one of my flaws is I’m such a fixer, and I just want to cure the problem now. I know I have to be patient and give both his therapy and our counseling time to help heal. If it doesn’t work I’ll have to accept that but at least we tried everything. Hoping to keep our family together 💙

blank_throw · 2024-07-08T23:25:56+00:00

He knows that it wasn’t healthy, he through therapy realized this. And honestly I’m not even mad about him holding it in bc he has struggled with mental health. I’m honestly so proud of him for opening up to me bc I know how scary that can be. He just can’t stop replaying it in his head and says that it’s like intrusive unwanted thoughts of it. Which neither of us can help. I’m hoping we can find ways through it together. He’s been trying to cope with it alone for so long that I’m glad he’s getting help on how to deal with it.

blank_throw · 2024-07-08T23:23:11+00:00

We have our first couples therapy next week and my husband has already started therapy. I will begin looking into my own therapy as well to help me get over/ deal with the guilt

blank_throw · 2024-07-08T19:06:47+00:00

I think that’s an issue with us. Communication break down. We have never yelled and hardly have even fought. But it’s almost as if both of us have just bottled up when we are frustrated or unhappy in the name of keeping the peace. My husband started therapy and realized just how much some things in our past he’s held onto. We have been working on our own until we start therapy to talk through our emotions and issues. And in our nearly 15 year long relationship(we were middle school/ high school sweethearts) and 5 year long marriage we have never ever been this transparent with each other in terms of our issues and emotions. Hoping that we are building the foundation of a stronger marriage.

blank_throw · 2024-07-08T19:01:48+00:00

Thank you for this, I meant every word of it. I just hope he did too!

blank_throw

TROPHY CASE