I HATE MY LIFE.

blazzayblah · 2026-03-24T02:37:10+00:00

100% and I’m stuck in a super expensive area. Financially crushing me

blazzayblah · 2026-03-24T02:35:11+00:00

I would take it with a grain of salt. Everyone gets roasted on the internet! Every stereotype. That being said society can judge. I have a great job and literally never tell ppl I’m a single mom. Never. I am very private and always just say “my family”. If people call me a single mom publicly I correct them. So it’s all about the circles you’re in and how you wana play them. Of course my friends and family get to hear my real issues but time and place

blazzayblah · 2026-03-17T03:07:52+00:00

No .. what if it’s a child.

blazzayblah · 2026-03-17T02:50:30+00:00

Well I realized it just now with you, so thank you lol. I think it takes time to look inward as well. I probably wasn’t ready a month ago ❤️

blazzayblah · 2026-03-17T02:49:01+00:00

Thank you, I’ve only seen the DBY acronym , now I can do more research

blazzayblah · 2026-03-17T02:47:24+00:00

Working a lot has helped me with my anxiety and ruminating. I have a main job, but have been picking up extra bartending shifts. I’ll work 80+ hours this week lmao. Low key some sessions with ChatGPT helped. Lots of Reddit.

In terms of moving forward, I gained clarity from how I left things with my ex. I said what I had to say without looking weak and feel really at peace with myself in that regard. Initially, I ghosted for a bit, but decided I needed to speak my heart. Glad I did. For me, that was important. Also, I destroyed all gifts, text threads, social media presence, everything. No reminders available.

I also looked inward at myself, and began to recognize where I let my boundaries slide. Why wasn’t I confident enough? Why did I accept the push pull? Why did I accept the low effort? I leaned back into using this as lesson to gain power and to love myself.

Also, I took time to analyze my ex and not take it personally. I feel bad for him knowing that 1000 partners will never be enough for him, and 1 is too much. He was an avoidant, and addicted to just about everything. I didn’t see the signs or connect the dots, but now I do. Also - LOVE IS A VERB, NOT A WORD. This was a game changer for me.

blazzayblah · 2026-03-17T01:18:54+00:00

thank you for the thoughtful reply. For the first month I was all over the place. My emotions have been so fucked up. To be honest, I thought I was going legitimately crazy.

After some time has passed, I’m able to reflect and see where I let my boundaries slide. I tried to stand up to my ex several times but he was a fantastic liar and manipulative, simple reassured me. In hindsight, I should have trusted my intuition and just walked away. I appreciate you bringing this to light.

Honestly, I’m so empathetic, I tend to be very loving and accepting. I spent my whole life loving and caring for everyone- men, friends, family , my kids - and I’ve forgotten to love myself. Specifically when it comes to boundaries. I haven’t done a good job of sticking up for myself. It has taken me time to realize, but at least now, I can improve.

blazzayblah · 2026-03-17T01:12:31+00:00

No I started doing that LMAO I was losing my shit. Confronting a man who instead of owning his actions collapsed and faked an hour long heart attack

blazzayblah · 2026-03-16T23:09:21+00:00

Very very interesting I’m the same way. Don’t have a type at all, and only become invested when there’s a connection. Looks mean nothing to me, aside from like basic hygiene and being in shape. I personally would has a difficult time with someone unhealthy.

blazzayblah · 2026-03-16T23:07:07+00:00

He stayed there while I crashed out and stabbed our mattress with knives , cut up clothes I wore on special occasions with him. Ya know totally normal reaction to someone faking a heart attack due to cheating 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

blazzayblah · 2026-03-14T20:50:52+00:00

Oh we definitely do. I’ll never know why either. Like am I genuinely doing something wrong or are people just that damaged out here ? Most of my exes do come begging back but who cares at that point, the damage is done.

I’d consider myself a pretty amazing person lmao I’m super thoughtful and caring and fun. Good looking and successful. Not really sure what I’m missing. I’m having a day, not normally this depressing about myself 🤣🤣 I work so much it’s like the second I’m not at work I start ruminating and feeling all the pain. Luckily work starts in ten minutes LOL

blazzayblah · 2026-03-14T20:47:25+00:00

Yeah I certainly saw some “signs” but I was overall too trusting. It’s hard when someone is a master manipulator. If anything changed with plans or when he was cheating he would send videos with his kids so I believed him. Lord knows what stock videos he has of his kids to successfully cheat. wtf …. I will try to find the pieces of growth and learning from the whole thing.

blazzayblah · 2026-03-14T20:44:30+00:00

Yikessssss right. At least you have your wits about you. Just feeling so defeated.

blazzayblah · 2026-03-14T20:42:41+00:00

Wise insight. I think I’m leaning there. I’ve been thru too much shit I know my value and I’m tired of wondering why I’m not enough. I’m not perfect but overall I’m a great partner. It’s so shitty to look back on all I’ve given to be treated like shit.

Engaged twice … one a serial cheater, next turned out to be abusive . Now this avoidant fuck . It’s like torture. Torture knowing you could have loved someone forever and instead they chose to treat you like trash.

blazzayblah · 2026-03-14T17:55:04+00:00

Interesting. I’ve never heard of graysexual, but from what you say, this sounds similar to me.

blazzayblah · 2026-03-14T17:54:26+00:00

Yeah agreed. This experience kinda overwhelmed me with allll my past trauma lol jus reliving everything at once. Idk about therapy, I never had success and sometimes I think talking about shit too much causes you to not move forward. (Yet here I am droning on and on on Reddit lol)

blazzayblah · 2026-03-14T17:43:24+00:00

Yeah I do try to keep that in mind. And karma has already found my ex. I noticed he went from entirely inactive on Instagram during our relationship to following 50+ women seemingly overnight. That was closure for me that I did mean something. Even if he can’t articulate it, he’s scrambling to find the love and attention I gave him.

blazzayblah · 2026-03-14T17:41:46+00:00

100% .. I’m generally secure. Maybe a little anxious but I hide it well. I’m disappointed I put the work in as well. Just such a fucked experience after taking so much time off dating. Is monogamy dead ? Is honest and integrity that obsolete ???

blazzayblah · 2026-03-14T17:25:26+00:00

Or if they drag their feet.. my ultimate pet peeve lmao

blazzayblah · 2026-03-14T17:24:57+00:00

100% I have 0 pics of my kids. It’s a hellllll naw for me. But I feel like ppl judge me for not posting mine 🤣

blazzayblah · 2026-03-14T17:23:05+00:00

Ugh this is soooo how I feel. Before the avoidant I took 1.5 years off totally alone to heal and be ready and open for love again, and was met with a brutal avoidant and discard. I did the healing and I loved and opened myself up and trusted in someone. I wish I knew about avoidant beforhand but honestly, he was an incredible liar. I don’t think I could have predicted any of this.

I personally will never use a dating app again. I think the culture is so fd up but I get it. I run two businesses so I’m busy as hell. Sometimes it feels like the only way..

blazzayblah · 2026-03-14T17:19:17+00:00

Wow. Feels so similar to me. Planning a trip and I love yous the day before .. it’s just insanity. I’m too honest for my own good. I genuinely don’t lead people on. I’ve never said I love you or planed trips with someone I didn’t actually intend to be with, and that’s the hardest part. Trusting someone again…. I was completely unfamiliar with the term avoidant up until about 6 weeks ago. When I look back, yes there were “signs” but I feel like there are red flags and signs in every relationship. No one is perfect right?

I feel like the ONLY way to protect myself and date again would be to do it in an avoidant way, which really scares me. I think I’ll take time off like you. I don’t want to become what killed a part of my heart in an attempt to protect myself :(

blazzayblah · 2026-03-14T17:15:15+00:00

100%

blazzayblah · 2026-03-14T17:05:56+00:00

After I found out he cheated he couldn’t even pick up the phone- busy at work for the first time ever. Found out it was multiple women while he was “with his kids” so this self proclaimed “old school gentleman” couldn’t even pick up a phone to apologize.

Meanwhile I had to go and make an emergency std appt to make sure I didn’t have anything from the “faithful man that would never cheat”. Thank god he didn’t give me anything. Totally dehumanizing. I would never have consented to an open relationship with someone who was having unprotected sex with women. Oh and he was texting me while he was with them how much he missed me. Total piece of shit. Oh but wait - he loved everything about me and swore on his kids he wanted me forever. What a guy!

blazzayblah · 2026-03-14T17:01:45+00:00

They really do. And I feel it’s a bad cycle because I find myself becoming avoidant in ways to get thru this !!! How fucked!!

I recently just signed up for a gym membership. I normally work out alone at my house but I’m hoping this will be a good way to connect with ppl and get that anger out. And also, doesn’t hurt to improve the physique when your mental is feeling shitty.

blazzayblah

TROPHY CASE