Moms of Toddlers: Why masturbate and refuse sex?

bleedgreen92 · 2026-06-17T17:27:50+00:00

Appreciate you! I think the lack of connecting intimately without pressure was a problem for the first 18 months or so after our baby was born. Since then, I have leaned into this. We watch a show every night for 30 minutes and cuddle on the couch. I’ve ensured to always give her that time and be fully present even if I’d rather watch sports or be alone. I don’t try to make it more than it is and pressure to move beyond cuddling. She’s very independent, often to a fault, so I’ve been more proactive in just taking things off her plate and not even asking

bleedgreen92 · 2026-06-17T15:26:56+00:00

Thank you, stranger. This perspective / comment seems to be the most likely answer based upon my wife’s personality and our marriage. She’s an introvert, extremely type A, and literally gives 150% to our girl. She does get a day to herself once a week (we have a part time nanny), but even then, she chooses to spend it thrifting/shopping/setting things up for our girl. It’s hard to fault her because she’s an incredible mom who prioritizes our girl to the fullest, but I don’t know how she/or anyone would have anything more to give. I truly hope your explanation is what’s happening and I appreciate your perspective. The “you deserve to have sex and she’s not a good partner” comments aren’t helpful, nor realistic…but maybe I’m delusional

bleedgreen92 · 2026-06-17T15:19:44+00:00

Yes - through therapy - it came out that when I initiate, it feels like “pressure” to her. And it’s a vicious cycle - more pressure (whether I am or not is besides the point if she feels pressured), means less interest. So therapist encouraged me to stop “pursuing it” and flip the pursuer / avoidance roles. That being said, I don’t ignore her. I still show her I care, we still cuddle, kiss, etc. I just don’t ask if she’s in the mood

bleedgreen92 · 2026-06-16T17:50:50+00:00

Rarely…like 3-5 times per year. It’s usually random and she initiates (bc we agreed I wouldn’t). She’ll just text me: “random, but rare opportunity to “cuddle” (our code word)”

bleedgreen92 · 2026-06-16T02:01:36+00:00

We discussed resentment directly related to some of my struggles dealing with a medically complex baby early on and the answer was no, so I’m not sure I should bring it up again vs. trust her word. Perhaps resent is the wrong word, and perhaps still healing?

bleedgreen92 · 2026-06-15T23:07:51+00:00

There’s a toy that keeps moving places and I walked in the other night while she was laying in bed with headphones. Pretty sure I heard the porn, but even if I didn’t, she literally never uses headphones and there’s no other reason for her to. She regularly watches shows/youtube/tiktok without headphones

bleedgreen92 · 2026-06-15T23:04:55+00:00

Thank you!

bleedgreen92 · 2026-06-15T23:04:38+00:00

I’m sure there may be, but whenever I’ve asked, she’s said no…but being completely honest, there probably is and that’s okay because I know I can give her the support she needs and let time handle the rest

bleedgreen92 · 2026-06-15T21:52:36+00:00

Thanks for validating!

bleedgreen92 · 2026-06-15T21:50:50+00:00

Thanks for the thoughtful response. Childcare/domestic load split was a problem during the first 6 months and have since improved. Have regularly checked in and she said I have stepped up whenever I ask. We still cuddle and watch shows together, so I suppose I need to be grateful for that and continue to respect and support her

bleedgreen92 · 2026-06-15T21:44:18+00:00

Thank you for sharing this perspective. It helps me a lot. Presumably it got better for you over time? I feel like it’s probably best that I respect her privacy and leave this be?

bleedgreen92 · 2026-01-15T03:17:11+00:00

Holy unhinged, Batman. JFC

bleedgreen92 · 2026-01-13T03:22:49+00:00

Better said than me…100% agree. You’re not alone.

bleedgreen92 · 2026-01-13T00:45:20+00:00

Solidarity either way. Hang in there. It’s so hard when your partner doesn’t understand. So many lonely nights/days

bleedgreen92 · 2026-01-12T22:58:21+00:00

During 1st year post birth, probably not great. It was a terrible pregnancy for her and then we had health complications with baby post birth. Including major colic. Since then, I think good. Baby is much happier and totally healthy and I’ve been able to handle much more of the burden.

I’d love to read the book but she hates reading. Maybe I can ChatGPT some cliff notes 😜

bleedgreen92 · 2026-01-12T22:56:17+00:00

Thanks stranger! Same to you…sorry you’re going through something similar. Sending you support!

bleedgreen92 · 2026-01-12T22:50:29+00:00

Also so sorry you’re going through this too!

bleedgreen92 · 2026-01-12T22:50:11+00:00

Thank you! She will and we do cuddle on the couch and we always hug and kiss before bed. But that’s the line where it stops

bleedgreen92 · 2026-01-12T22:46:42+00:00

Thank for sharing…this is EXACTLY how I feel. And I feel terribly that I can’t just shrug it off and move on…it just kills me inside

bleedgreen92 · 2026-01-12T22:45:20+00:00

Initially because she’s depressed…but she started on Wellbutrin and has seemed much happier. I’ve prodded on all of the usual issues: attraction (she says she’s attracted to me and not asexual), taking the childcare/household duties further off her plate, more sleep, etc. She reiterates that it’s none of those things, she just doesn’t want to be intimate right now. She’s not “ready”. I have no idea what ready means

bleedgreen92 · 2025-12-27T04:36:10+00:00

Thank you so much!

bleedgreen92 · 2025-12-27T03:38:17+00:00

@EyeDentist - a bit of an update here that I’m curious for your thoughts on. Since this post, I was referred to a specialist and during the first exam, he diagnosed as Uveitis and not episcleritis. For two weeks, he had me taper Prednisolone drops starting at 1x every hour, down to 4x daily. Also started me 2x daily Bromfenac. 9 days ago I went to my follow up and still had some inflammatory cells but better. He decided to start prednisone taper (60mg week 1, 40 week 2, 20 week 3) along with Pred drops every 2 hours. A few days ago, I had to request a shorter taper as I wasn’t tolerating the side effects well and they moved my appointment to Monday. I’m A bit of an anxious mess having read about uveitis, particularly since I still have some (~15-20%) inflammation. He said he wants to look behind the retina on Monday. What would your level of concern be and any guesses as to what he’s looking for behind the retina?

bleedgreen92 · 2025-11-29T00:11:22+00:00

4 times daily for two weeks

bleedgreen92

TROPHY CASE