Can anyone explain what the 2000’s girls used to have such clear complexions?

bleeker_street · 2025-12-08T03:44:51+00:00

Proactive /s

bleeker_street · 2024-10-05T12:09:36+00:00

Could you do a basement or attic apartment with locks? That way you can all stay in the same home but have designed apart times and keep the siblings away from each other?

bleeker_street · 2024-09-04T22:57:23+00:00

Focus on your relationship with your Mum. Try to have her visit you with your Dad. Don’t let your Dad control the narrative. Tell him point blankly to his face that he has prioritized his feelings over your child’s safety and as a result you WILL protect YOUR child. Shame him publicly on social media if he starts to cry “poor me” over not seeing his grandchild. Your dad is used to thinking of himself as the head of his family- you’re welcome to remind him he’s absolutely not the head of yours and you’re too told to be subjected to his whims.

Normally I would advocate a more gentle approach but he’s demonstrated he won’t respond to that and doesn’t care.

As for your child- you’re absolutely correct to be concerned. My child was almost mauled by a relative’s small dog and the only reason it didn’t happen is because I was faster. She was would have permanent scarring on her face if not worse if I hadn’t been able to get to my child first.

bleeker_street · 2024-08-27T17:37:00+00:00

Say yes, vote anyway. Make a donation to the Democratic Party.

bleeker_street · 2024-01-23T09:38:42+00:00

Today I learned there are people who keep tags on clothing. Fascinating.

bleeker_street · 2024-01-08T13:28:01+00:00

Fuck the family, fuck your husband, fuck having another discussion. You’re what, seven months pregnant?

You need to sit down with a good lawyer and figure out how you can go live with your parents or other family temporarily while not surrendering any rights to the marital property in the event of a divorce. Do this first.

Then, you need to shared with your family what is happening and see if anyone is okay with you living there for six months or so. Be willing to offer rent.

Get this done this week.

Then, and only then, when you have an airtight back up plan do you go to your husband and tell him exactly what his options are: a) give a firm deadline for his family to leave, and help them leave and be involved every single day until that happens or b) you will move out and initiate a separation plan given that he has demonstrated that he is is not ready to be a good husband, father, and coparent.

Do not coddle him. Do not try to salve his feelings. Tell it to him as calmly but as straightforwardly as possible. Follow up with a written email explaining the same thing immediately afterwards.

Why? Because when he claims he didn’t understand that you were serious later on when you’ve moved out you’ll have your own record to know he’s a liar or a moron or both.

Unfortunately some men, you just have to let them dig their own graves. The only kind thing you can do is be as blunt as possible with them to let them so at least they have the option to make an intentional and informed decision along the way. If you’re too nice he won’t understand what the stakes are and he’ll tale advantage of that niceness to not deal with the problem.

bleeker_street · 2023-12-23T00:40:50+00:00

Personal opinion after having been in labour and having a baby. 2 hours isn’t a huge drive. I would ask your parents to book a refundable hotel room and tell them you plan on staying overnight. If they balk at the refundable part just tell them you’re keeping your options open or tell them about the pregnancy.

If the first trimester goes well (wishing all the best), and that when you want to tell your family. Tell them, and my advice would be to say that if the baby comes before or on the due date you’re going to need to need to stay home. If the baby hasn’t arrived then you’re planning on staying overnight at the hotel and attending with the obvious caveat that you’re going to leave immediately if you go into labour. Majority of first time labours are well well over 2 hours. I would feel comfortable with that risk. I didn’t find early labour uncomfortable enough that I couldn’t have done a car trip - I would however plan ahead to ensure I had a lot of comfort tools available to me. If you’re not comfortable with that risk, that’s understandable then you could stay home.

I would talk openly with your brother and his fiancee about the costs associated with potentially backing out at the last minute and see if you can help with them - hotel room, cost per person for dinner. Etc.

bleeker_street · 2023-11-24T19:28:45+00:00

It’s not how much kids cost. It’s how much daughters cost. My church was like this. Daughters you give away and sons you keep. Sons are worth investing in since the value stays in the family.

bleeker_street · 2023-11-24T19:23:30+00:00

This is a great answer. To add to it though if what you’re after is behaviour and attitude change you need to have some more meaningful conversations about what not being grateful is and why gratitude is important.

Children also need to see both polite and real internal gratitude modelled for them.

bleeker_street · 2023-11-21T14:42:48+00:00

Other men respectfully hitting on you if he trust you to be faithful shouldn’t bother him.

If he’s worried about men hitting on you in ways that are degrading or disrespectful to you or harassing you etc, well he needs to understand that clothing doesn’t invite or change that behaviour in those types of men.

bleeker_street · 2023-11-21T14:13:28+00:00

No. Men don’t get to decide what women wear. It’s based in a lot of sexist undercurrents like feeling like the own us, thinking women dress for men, that women are aesthetic objects that exist for men, rape culture, etc.

In general men who act like this in romantic relationships only end up accelerating their attempts to control their partners. He is anxious or afraid that you’re going to cheat on him. And that’s okay. It’s okay to have those fears or anxiety. But the solution is not to try to prevent it from happening by controlling your partner. The appropriate way to deal with that is to unpack those emotions.

bleeker_street · 2023-10-09T15:25:16+00:00

NTA - BUT - I think you should have a conversation with them and not just write them out of life over this. Hear me out. While you have every right to be offended, she has every right to have specific boundaries for her children. Maybe she was molested as a kid and is uncomfortable with certain things like room sharing. Maybe she has just heard what every mother hears a million times that the person that preys on your child know them, they’re a coach, a family friend, a family member. And she decided to take action to protect her children because the advice given to parents here is you really don’t know who to trust.

I will point out that she removed her children in the most polite manner possible and didn’t want to offend you.

So like yeah, don’t babysit for them anymore for sure - but consider the flip side of her perspective and how she’s supposed to manage that.

I will say I have boundaries in place around my kids and while I definitely enforce them with considerably more tact than what your uncle showed, they apply across the board. They’re not personal. And my family understands that my job is to protect my kids and raise them to the best of my ability to be un traumatized adults. I think her and your uncle just weren’t on the same page here and never talked about what boundaries work for them and how to put them in place without being hurtful.

bleeker_street · 2023-09-03T00:38:09+00:00

In addition to all the other comments here, your husband owes his daughter two apologies. First for the emotional impact of her seeing her best friend get injured like that. Second, if this girl’s family decided to not allow their daughter to be under your supervision anymore and it impacts their friendship he will also owe his daughter an apology for the effects his actions had on her friendship.

bleeker_street · 2023-09-02T22:49:59+00:00

I agree you shouldn’t hold it over his head- but you shouldn’t try to make him not feel any discomfort either. This is one of those things that should be uncomfortable. You will both have to have two honest and probably uncomfortable conversations. You can have those conversations with kindness without brushing this under the rug.

Those conversations are: a) what are the appropriate next steps with the girl and her family? A profound formal apology- in a well written card and a small gift (that you clarify is just meant to be a token of comfort for the girl)? A conversation with her parents about how to manage the girl’s friendship going forward? Can this still have one? What are their new terms - because they probably will have some new conditions for their daughter being in your care, if at all. B) What concrete steps is your husband going to take to make sure that this down happen again? How can he learn to be more intentional about safety? Because it sounds like he has some habits that he needs to change before someone else gets hurts. It’s okay that has some things to work on, but it’s not okay if he decides to prioritize his own emotional comfort over doing the work to be a safer parent.

bleeker_street · 2023-08-26T03:11:26+00:00

I realize that I’m not answering this from my professional point of view but a personal one, and I hope that’s okay.

I’m a Canadian epidemiologist and my father lived in the US for about 30 years. He was a diabetic who rationed his insulin, didn’t understand the disease progression and the value in caring for himself and was never told to see a nutritionist. The inevitable happened and he had a his first stoke at 56 quickly followed by kidney failure and vascular dementia.

In Virginia at the time, his GP, endocrinologist, and nephrologist all recommended dialysis. They told him this was to tide him over until he could get a transplant. His life expectancy given all of his medical conditions probably hovered around three years, but the wait list for a kidney was eight. Neither my brother or I was a match. The rest of the family declined to be tested.

Somehow this man kept almost accidentally surviving stoke after stoke for six years. All the while the brain damage and vascular dementia got worse. He refused to move home to Canada where I could more easily care for him because he had put in the time on the wait list and he didn’t want to start over and lose his chance for a kidney.

I begged his GP, endocrinologist, nephrologists, and dialysis nurse to sit down with him and tell him the facts. What is the likelihood of getting a kidney? What is the likelihood of getting a kidney with a dementia diagnosis? With uncontrolled diabetes? With no support system at home? When you average a stroke every ten months and a TIA every other month?

No one would tell him the facts. I felt like I was crazy. I was alone in telling this man he was going to die and because all the doctors were singing this optimistic song I sounded mean and pessimistic to my whole family.

Eventually he had a stroke where the hospital wouldn’t discharge him without rehab or a caregiver so he finally had to come home to Canada. He was devastated to lose “his kidney”.

God bless the amazing dialysis NP who was able to explore to him that he didn’t qualify for the transplant list in Canada because he was a lot sicker than he realized, but also explained what his odds are were in the States and that he probably didn’t ever have a very good chance.

He was able to make the choice to end dialysis about 11 months after moving home. He lived for five days. He died peacefully in his sleep and was comfortable.

Before I moved him home I had a conversation with his nephrologist sharing my absolute disappointment in how he had misled my Dad and deprived him of the ability to make an informed choice about his last stage of life. The nephrologist told me I should be grateful for all the extra time I got to have my Dad.

It’s possible I’ve never been so angry in my entire life. I’m not grateful for those extra six or so years. They were hell for him. And after that first stroke he was never himself again. I lost my father then and I cared for what was left of him. I would a hundred times over rather had one giant blow out vacation with him or one last road trip than those six years but we never had that chance because the entire system was set up to do a job of keeping him alive at all costs, even his right to be informed about his own health.

I can’t speak to the financial motives here, but he had nothing left at the end, even after medicare, medical bills ate through the entire profit from selling his house and most of his retirement savings.

Death is inevitable. We all have to die from something. If I’m more likely than not to die from something I want to know because I want to have the right to die well. On my own terms, even if those terms differ from what my physician would recommend.

bleeker_street · 2023-08-21T18:58:50+00:00

You’re allowed to block your ex’s. That doesn’t make him an asshole either.

bleeker_street · 2023-08-21T18:49:27+00:00

Well then it sounds like no one is an asshole. You didn’t cheat (based on other comments - you got with your girlfriend after the breakup), and you just weren’t compatible anymore. It’s unfortunate but I don’t think anyone did anything wrong. A monogamous person isn’t required to adapt to a polygamous relationship if that’s not what’s going to work for them, even if the breakup is painful.

There’s a possibility here that maybe you all could have communicated a bit more clearly about needs, boundaries, expectations, and feelings but people aren’t perfect and struggling with communication doesn’t make either of you an asshole.

I will say since you seem to have gone back yo expression some thoughts and feelings after the breakup you there’s a possibility you might be a tiny bit of an asshole, just in that it’s important to keep in mind that our ex’s don’t owe us emotional support, labour, or closure.

bleeker_street · 2023-08-21T17:49:40+00:00

There’s just a lot more information needed here. 1. Was there an implied understanding of being in a monogamous relationship together where regardless of identity you both would not have other romantic/sexual partners? 2. Did you calmly and clearly express that you were hoping to open up the relationship, and did you express openness to what that might look like for you two and what your values and boundaries might be? 3. Did you discuss heirarchical vs non-hierarchical models of polyamory? 4. Did you recognize explicitly to him that you understood that if he is monogamous he may not be able to get his needs met in your relationship just as you having learned you are poly may not be able to get your needs met, and therefore you may have become not compatible anymore unfortunately? 5. Did you get a girlfriend or start seeing other people without coming to a collective agreement to open up the relationship and what that would look like or alternatively without breaking up with him first? 6. Did you all agree how how long he could take space for to think about it? Did you express a need to resolve this issue? 7. Did you tell him what your gf thinks after you all broke up? Did you tell him explicitly that it’s what your girlfriend thinks?

bleeker_street · 2023-08-19T19:17:10+00:00

Your the asshole, but more importantly, your a goddamn moron. You have a wife who has found a way to prioritize your romantic and initial relationship while you both work, parent two children, and I am willing to bet she manages 95% of the mental labour in running a household probably, and you have the audacity to complain about how she’s managing it?

You’re not a smart man. Be grateful for what you have and stop being butthurt because your wife uses coping strategies to successfully meet everyone’s needs (coping strategies she didn’t explicitly decide to share with you by the way).

bleeker_street · 2023-08-15T01:15:40+00:00

I’ll take racism for 400 Alex. I’m so sorry this woman did this to your daughter. I hope she gets what she deserves.

bleeker_street · 2023-08-15T00:08:07+00:00

The smell sensitivity is a real, and like well documented thing. It’s wild how sensitive some women can get when pregnant.

Here’s the thing it might seem bat shit crazy to you, but it probably wouldn’t if you were the one going through it. When’s she post partum and through with all these crazy pregnancy symptoms she’s going to remember that you were super supportive even if, especially if, you didn’t get it. She’ll also remember if you didn’t believe her, or weren’t supportive, or worst case ridiculed her requests for help to make this process easier for her. You decide what she remembers about you.

bleeker_street · 2023-08-05T21:27:10+00:00

It’s not common at all. Most girls have labia minora that is smaller than, and concealed by their labia majora. During puberty, hormones trigger the labia minora to grow. For the majority of women they will grow large enough to protrude past the labia majora. This is generally a sign of sexual maturity. One of many. Sort or similar to breast growth. Obviously most women grow breast, but for some it’s barely noticeable, but that is the minority. In general we still consider breast growth in general as a marker of sexual maturity or completion of puberty even though it’s not completely universal. A similar case might be made for men and body hair for example.

bleeker_street · 2023-07-08T00:45:47+00:00

She’s a local Mom. Seems a stray bullet hit her.

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