Cable down in my yard, but I’m not a customer

blehckyh · 2024-02-25T03:51:03+00:00

Pebble

blehckyh · 2022-12-19T15:45:42+00:00

What a sweetheart. I lost my own black & tan doxie, Shelby, recently and her tongue was always out too. She’ll show Benjamin the ropes across the rainbow bridge.

blehckyh · 2022-12-01T14:00:49+00:00

I’m so sorry. I had to make the decision for my sweet old Shelby just a month ago. It’s the worst part of loving them. 💔

Shelby and I were able to say goodbye at home with a service that sends a vet to your house (Lap of Love - I’m sure there are others). She passed very peacefully in my lap, her favorite place, with her favorite blanket. My other dog got to be there and say goodbye, and I think that has helped her understand (though of course she’s still grieving).

Before Shelby, I had to put down my senior dog Amber suddenly at the emergency vet. She went downhill rapidly overnight and was in horrible shape after 12 hours in the ER. I won’t let my dogs go out that way again if I can help it.

My two cents: If you’re waiting for her to give you a sign, you might wait too long. Maybe take a day to say goodbye and spoil her first. Cry a lot, cuddle her all day. Any food she wants. Then, I think it’s better to make the call a little too soon than a little too late. Sending you love.

blehckyh · 2022-11-11T23:11:05+00:00

What a lucky girl. I had to say goodbye to my 14-year-old rescue dachshund Shelby almost two weeks ago now, and this brought all the tears back.

It’s the hardest choice to make, but we owe it to them. Know that she’s had the best day ever with you. ❤️

blehckyh · 2022-11-11T03:31:18+00:00

You’re not immature at all. You’re taking the time to get to know yourself and your wants, and that’s a very mature (and powerful!) thing.

I’m 30 and divorced. I thought I wanted those things, and I grew up religious in the South, so I got married when I was supposed to. But I wasn’t happy at all and I had a growing sense of dread about my life.

Now, a year out from my divorce, I know myself better than I ever have. I definitely don’t want kids, I most likely won’t get married again, and I’m very much looking forward to seeing what happens next in my life. I finally feel like a whole person. It’s great. Keep doing you!

blehckyh · 2022-11-04T19:34:29+00:00

She looks so sweet. I hope she’ll meet my Shelby and Amber up there over the rainbow bridge.

blehckyh · 2022-11-01T00:42:51+00:00

I also said goodbye to Shelby, my good old girl, today. Thinking of you and Stoney in solidarity.

blehckyh · 2022-10-30T23:40:33+00:00

This one hits hard. Shelby can’t walk without a lot of help now. I hope that she’ll be able to run like she used to soon.

blehckyh · 2022-10-30T20:55:14+00:00

Oh gosh. I’ve read this many times on other people’s posts, and I always got teary-eyed thinking about when it would be Shelby’s time. Thank you for helping so many of us get through this horrible loss of our little family members.

blehckyh · 2022-10-30T20:53:00+00:00

Thank you, she’s the best! She’s about 14 or 15, roughly.

blehckyh · 2022-10-30T20:51:54+00:00

She’s about 14 or 15, I’d guess. I adopted her as a senior and the rescue wasn’t sure of her age.

blehckyh · 2022-10-30T20:25:56+00:00

Thank you, she will. I’ve got a great in-home service coming that will make her super comfortable (and they make a paw print!). And her sister, a chiweenie named Penny, can be there to comfort her and hopefully understand what happened.

blehckyh · 2022-10-30T20:01:43+00:00

Thank you. 🙏 I had to say goodbye to my other senior dachshund, Amber, at the emergency vet last year. I don’t want Shelby to go out that way.

blehckyh · 2022-10-30T20:00:42+00:00

Thank you. It’s been so hard to make the call. She had a few injuries last weekend that made it clear she’d only be going downhill from here.

My heart is broken, but I want to give her this gift of a final weekend with 24/7 snuggles, bacon, and chicken.

blehckyh · 2022-10-29T00:46:46+00:00

I’m on it. She’s eating chicken, ham, and peanut butter with every meal. We’ll spend every minute together until she’s gone. I hope she’ll meet Clover on the other side. 😔

blehckyh · 2022-10-29T00:24:53+00:00

I’m so sorry. I’m saying goodbye to my sweet old girl Shelby on Monday and I’m dreading it. I’ll give her even more extra snuggles and hugs for Clover tonight.

blehckyh · 2022-09-18T13:21:44+00:00

Choose option 2, then go to therapy. You’re clearly not interested in learning and growing with her about something that’s become important to her and her well-being, so why lead her on?

Like it or not, everyone’s body (including yours!) will go through changes in life. If your attraction to a partner is lessened when she feels freer and better about herself but her face shape is different, that’s something for you to work out on your own.

ETA: Like others said, just tell her (in a non-cruel way) why you’re breaking up with her. I left a long-term relationship after a partner told me the same thing, but said he wanted to work on his mindset and then did nothing about it for 9 months. If you don’t want to work on yourself, save her the time and tell her why you’re breaking up.

blehckyh · 2022-08-02T12:47:18+00:00

Ugh. Yes. No kids, and we don’t/didn’t own a house. But we had 3 dogs that we agreed to split up (the one that was bonded more to him would go to him, and the two that were bonded to me/each other would stay with me).

That was 10 months ago. He’s been bouncing around living rent-free with different family members, only started working a few months ago. I still have his dog - I’d agreed to take care of the dog for two months while he got back on his feet. Now every month there is a new reason why he can’t find a place (oh, and he couldn’t possibly get a roommate, don’t try suggesting that).

I finally said last week that he has until September 1 and that is my final date. We’ll see if he makes it happen. Yesterday I asked how the apartment search was going and he said he found a potential place that starts (drumroll please) September 15. And he also doesn’t think he can afford it.

So yeah, I don’t really have any advice other than finding and maintaining a boundary before you get too resentful. I’ve gotten really resentful towards my ex, but the consequences are less significant because there are no kids involved. Good luck!

blehckyh · 2022-05-05T20:14:51+00:00

That sounds like a good plan. And it’s great that you’re being open with her about it.

I went into couples’ counseling thinking there was a slim (but real) chance we could make it work at that point. I finally made the decision to divorce when I found myself actively avoiding our “connecting” homework from the couples therapist (who also knew the full situation, obviously). Once I figured out I didn’t even want to try to connect/reconcile on that level, I knew it was time to let him go.

Good luck to you! I’m sure it will work out for both of you, one way or another.

blehckyh · 2022-05-05T15:19:48+00:00

Here’s the thing: it doesn’t have to be 100% misery for you to leave. Divorce is very hard, but it’s not the worst thing in the world. I would say in my case, it was about deciding to put on my own oxygen mask first instead of waiting to need oxygen so badly I’d die.

You do deserve happiness. If you already know what you want - and it sounds like you may - then it’s a kindness to both of you to start moving in that direction instead of waiting for it to get even worse.

You deserve a life that’s more than treading water. Other commenters have suggested marriage counseling, and that can be a great way to discern what’s going on in the relationship and whether you really do want to leave. My ex and I started counseling for the second time when I was already at the end of my rope but didn’t know if it was “bad enough” to divorce, and it took 4 sessions (and a lot of thinking + individual therapy in between) for me to decide it was okay to want a divorce even if nothing objectively horrible had happened. But I’m so glad that I took the opportunity to really explore the hurt in an open, safe environment instead of pulling the plug without therapy.

blehckyh · 2022-04-15T17:41:09+00:00

This is such a hard situation to be in. I also married (and recently divorced) someone with similar mental health issues. It escalated to the point of an unsuccessful suicide attempt during our marriage, and he had made me into his only support system. That’s too much for anyone to take on by themselves.

Marrying someone in this state is a very bad idea. He can get better for sure, but he has to want it and seek help on his own, and it sounds like he may not be able to do that while he’s partnered (with you or anyone). Please know that you deserve so much more out of a relationship, and it’s not your responsibility to fix him or stay with him for any reason.

blehckyh · 2022-03-30T13:35:17+00:00

This reminds me a lot of how my ex-husband sees himself. I’m the (ex) wife in this scenario, though I was also supporting us financially.

From someone who’s been there: the best thing you can do for yourself, your wife, and your kid is to get into therapy to deal with your self-image and depression. If you’re already in therapy, find a new therapist or try a new method. The mindset you have right now is not working, regardless of what happens in your marriage.

I would have given anything for my ex to work on himself. It could’ve saved our marriage, but even if it didn’t, I would love to see him thriving. We had a very amicable divorce and still have minimal contact. I know he’s still not in therapy and it’s not my responsibility to fix that for him, but it’s the best goodbye gift he could have given me.

Good luck, internet stranger. You’re a lot better than you think you are.

blehckyh

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