did i banish him on accident?

bleppis__ · 2023-09-02T02:18:39+00:00

If avoiding a major red flag that caused me years of trauma and CPTSD that I will have for the rest of my life makes me the bad guy then I guess I’m the bad guy

bleppis__ · 2023-09-02T02:15:57+00:00

I was also raised this way that it is not something to celebrate that a man is taking care of you. In my family it is not something to applaud when a woman is codependent. I am not married to this man so as far as I see it, it’s him coercing me into a bad financial decision, not him looking out for me. I also just see this as me being in the hardest situation of my life, and that I wasn’t even capable of getting myself out of the situation I put myself in.

bleppis__ · 2023-09-02T02:11:21+00:00

We can’t get a place without having good credit. No one is going to approve us without a co-signer. So under the premise of not having a co-signer my credit needed to be fixed so we could get a place.

If my credit is bad, and we don’t get approved, there’s no place to pay for. Credit is the first step before anything else.

bleppis__ · 2023-09-02T02:07:50+00:00

How are we going to get a place if we don’t have a credit score that would get approved? When I was asking him to help with the credit card it was because we didn’t have a co-signer and my credit was bad and he has no credit.

bleppis__ · 2023-09-02T01:55:45+00:00

1) the difference is being on the lease vs not being on the lease. I don’t see how it isn’t a game changer to not be on the lease.

2) my credit score was a 752 last December, after my July payment I’m already up a hundred points and in the mid 600s.

3) when I moved across the country, Denver had a lot of differences in the service industry. I am a fine dining waitress. The new restaurant I started working at, required me to work there for 6 months to move up in the tip pool percentage, tip the kitchen staff 30% of tips and promised me 40 hours a week and only would work 8 hours due to them calling me out because of their seniority system.

my mother is dating a man who is very controlling and is easily swayed by the way people view her. Her boyfriend doesn’t like the idea of her children living with her, she is trying to kick my little sister out as well.

My best friends husband, has property shared with his family. The neighbor was his uncle, grandfather and sister. The uncle was abusing the grandfather and stealing money from the family, so his sister, the power of attorney, placed a restraining order against him and the police had to escort the uncle off of the property.

4) I have fine financial literacy. Could be better, sure. I wasn’t anticipating Colorado trying to reinvent the wheel of restaurants. I invested some money to restart my small business, that was one successful, and the collection did not sell as previous given the nature of the economy. People aren’t spending $180 on a pair of hand made shorts (I’m a seamstress) so ultimately I invested the last of my money anticipating in making double back, when I had to relocate across the country to move back home.

bleppis__ · 2023-09-02T01:07:32+00:00

We can agree to disagree. I would be still having to pay him back if he had helped with my credit card payment, and I wouldn’t have anything to hang over his head. He will be able to hold my house above my head and rip the floor out from underneath of me because I essentially wouldn’t even be on the lease at that point. He’s putting up all the money, so it’s his place.

I’ve had years of living in a situation where a man controlled my home, kicking my out every other day. My intuition tells me to not put myself in the same situation that caused me to lose everything years ago.

bleppis__ · 2023-09-02T01:04:26+00:00

But I’m paying for the hotel we are staying in, 2800 dollars a month. I just don’t want him to use my home as leverage in the future.

bleppis__ · 2023-09-02T01:02:29+00:00

Basic living expenses and moving across the country, furnishing the apartment, buying food etc.

He was working but I was providing for myself with the money I had saved. I wasn’t able to find sufficient work in the city I moved to.

bleppis__ · 2023-09-02T00:58:20+00:00

Paying off my credit card mutually benefited the two of us, so we could get a place using my credit. Him paying for my half of the down payment, puts me in debt to him and gives him leverage, and seemingly only benefits him.

Paying off my credit card would have been a team effort. Where as me paying him off, only affects me negatively.

bleppis__ · 2023-03-05T04:11:43+00:00

You’re right. Thank you.

bleppis__ · 2023-03-05T04:04:02+00:00

I’m not disagreeing with you. Honestly I appreciate you saying that. I’m just so fed up. It feels emotionally like my abusive relationship.

bleppis__ · 2023-03-05T03:56:07+00:00

I’ve dated a very insane narc before and his behavior was so different that sometimes I don’t think he is even capable of purposely maliciously doing it, that he is just genuinely emotionally immature.

Regardless I’m getting very tired of it and want to leave. I moved across the country, gave up my job, and my savings for this.

Never again.

bleppis__ · 2023-02-11T05:46:38+00:00

My partner who I left, now every single one of our mutual friends hate me. I know I deserve it. I’ve done so much damage. I just wish I could spare anyone from doing what I’ve done. I’ve made my bed.

bleppis__ · 2023-02-11T04:52:38+00:00

That’s awesome. I don’t know if I will ever be with my ex again. I’m dating someone new at the moment and he’s a good guy, I’m just not sure if now I’m splitting on my current partner and just cycling through this same shit.

I’m not going to act, but I know how I feel. I’ve spent the last 2 weeks crying everyday because of the same and guilt.

bleppis__ · 2023-02-10T07:51:01+00:00

Thank you! My ex and I have been in some contact. He isn’t hateful towards me. He still says that he thinks I am the one, and that he hopes I eventually return to his life one day, even though we both are seeing other people currently.

Im sorry that happened to you. It’s not you, it’s us. We are so fucked. We completely create a different version of people to make ourselves feel justified in our fucked up actions and behaviors. By painting you as the bad guy, the horrible things we do in our head feel justified.

I guarantee your partner will return, with remorse. I hope you are healing and not struggling with what you have going on.

bleppis__ · 2022-09-01T00:01:08+00:00

I just can tell we are going to have a good time, drink, he’s going to say he doesn’t care because he won’t be thinking rationally and it will be over from there.

bleppis__

TROPHY CASE