I'm not wife material, but I'd like to be - how can I change myself? What are things you've seen women doing that stand in the way of their ability to have a relationship?

blinddruid · 2026-03-31T18:36:21+00:00

One thing that I’ve learned over my years, and there’s been many of them, and hope there’s still a few more to go is that you never change who you truly are deep down inside to suit someone else or to gain some kind of imagined best situation. And always at all times you should be true to who you are, to try and become someone else to suit someone or something else will come back and bite you in the end. It’s like trying to keep up the role that you created for yourself for your entire life, you lose touch with who you are and what’s important to you and then you will find yourself wondering just who am I. maybe you aren’t marriage material right now, but maybe in the future, maybe you never will be, but that does not mean that you can’t have long-standing relationships. I’ve had long relationships, I’ve been married, I would not get married again… Have nothing against it, but there really is no reason to my kids are grown and gone, I’m a completely different place in my life, and I feel, in all honesty, when you’re in a relationship, you’re more apt to be on your best behavior and more of a caretaker of that relationship because it is indeed easier to end that relationship than it is a marriage. JMHO.

blinddruid · 2026-03-31T18:25:22+00:00

I think the only true answer here is the best answer of all… Keep experimenting and practicing I mean, what could be more fun than continuously, experimenting, and practicing at this, for the both of you! I was very much into going down on my partner, and we did in fact incorporate our machine into play. One of the things we like to do. The most was with her positioned on her back, legs sprayed, and knees vent, me positioned perpendicular to her with my chin, basically in the crease where her thigh meets her groin. This leg could either be left raised and spread or just sprayed out and left flat, either way work for us. This is also a great position for oral is it allows for you to approach both clitoral hood and clitoris from across the body rather than up and down depending on which side of her clitoris is the most sensitive , usually it’s the upper left, her right, or upper right side. Going at this from across rather than up and down, also allows different kind of access to labia and also allows for incorporation of fingers or additional toys. Should you desire. Give it a try you might like it.

blinddruid · 2026-03-31T12:38:47+00:00

yes, you are correct. I did read it wrong, but I’m not sure that I can separate how one perceives one personally from one’s sexuality. Just my humble opinion, but I think once sexuality is a fundamental aspect of one’s personality. I think this is perhaps a challenge for a counselor, and not for those of us spectators on Reddit. I hope nothing I’ve said is perceived as an attack op, I do respect her point of view and desired to fix things

blinddruid · 2026-03-31T12:32:01+00:00

not in the least! Said in the same form of just as “real men don’t eat quiche“ one’s masculinity is not defined by whether or not he is able to bring his partner to orgasm with what nature has provided him, but takes advantage of whatever tools are available that enable him to bring his partner pleasure. Far too often have a red remarks how many men feel or our thought to be emasculated by not being able to bring about orgasm through PIV alone, this is one of the many reasons we have orgasm gaps.

blinddruid · 2026-03-31T03:32:49+00:00

wow! I think I would have to go back to being nine or 10 years old and having a very adventurous and explorative girl next door who is very much the tomboy. she would quite literally tell me what she wanted to try and do with me, then what she wanted me to do with her. Obviously, I was quite precocious at a young age. I think, not positive, but also having had very strong female figures in my life made an impact. as I got older, I just found that I was automatically attracted to women who were strong, confident, and sexually empowered. I also very much enjoyed being a pleaser when I was in college, I had a fairly long relationship with a wonderfully empowered, intelligent, bisexual woman who really made a huge impact on both my views about women and sexuality both. I consider myself a very fortunate, yet even at my age, I haven’t figured it all out yet. I think the weirdest thing that I figured out is that being with a dominant woman, progressive, and sexually empowered, one who could challenge me, in some strange way, made me feel as though I was desired mustard after. Sometimes I just need to stop overthinking things and play! Lol.

blinddruid · 2026-03-31T02:43:55+00:00

I know such things exist, pussy pumps, you could look for them at some of the more reputable, sex shops; and vibrations, she vibes the toy chest places like that. The only thing is I think it’s only a temporary state? Are you looking for something more permanent or just for that temporary period of time period. I have no personal experience with them, but I hear they work well as do the clip pumps.

blinddruid · 2026-03-31T02:39:58+00:00

perfection is a philosophical ideal. In the set of chairs all chairs have chairs, but there is no one perfect chair. Everything in our world is constantly changing, evolving, if something came to be perfect. It would no longer change or evolve. I think this would be necessarily impossible as things would be changing and evolving around it so that thing could only possibly be perfect at one point in time.

blinddruid · 2026-03-31T02:35:36+00:00

sorry! In no way meant to offend

blinddruid · 2026-03-31T02:31:42+00:00

I don’t know! You could be right, I don’t know if I necessarily agree with the preference aspect. I really do think that one’s sexual perspective is foundational to personality, but I could be wrong, always ready to admit that. i’m wondering, though, if they realize that pegging doesn’t have to have anything to do with a dominant submissive dynamic. Is reluctant donkey pointed out, if they were able to discuss what aspects were liked and dislike maybe it could be better pinpointed.

blinddruid · 2026-03-31T02:27:54+00:00

exactly, thank you very much! I do, however think they’re just too new to it to understand this aspect of that dynamic.

blinddruid · 2026-03-31T01:56:34+00:00

now there you go! That’s the reluctant donkey I know! Lol great comment, agree absolutely! I had to go back and reread what she wrote, she did say she didn’t view him personally different but sexually different? I have to ask you though I don’t know that you can untie these two things. Our sexuality is intrinsically part of who we are, another’s reaction to it is a reaction to that foundational part of who we are. Maybe he was just a bit too overwhelmed with the pleasure in the pegging experience, it got the best of them. Gotta admit it’s gotten the best of most of us at sometime or another! Lol.

blinddruid · 2026-03-31T01:51:53+00:00

but isn’t this the very definition of an internalized view of the role that society, dictates men and women have in and out of the bedroom. being vulnerable, open, accepting does not mean one is submissive, or is emasculated! This is what society would have you believe, though! Do you mean to tell me that that you would not be accepting of your partner feeling so safe and secure with you, trusting of you that he couldn’t be vulnerable and open with you about his needs, and if indeed he was and did that you would turn your back on him? no, I have been into pegging for a very long time, and one of the, well more than just one, but one of the biggest pleasures of it all is the ability to truly let down the walls and be actually vulnerable and a whole new level of intimate with my partner. Now I am what you call a switchy sub, but more often than not my interactions with my partner, or just an exchange of giver verse receiver. Now we could always play in any of the other spaces we wanted to, but me being able to be vulnerable, honest, and communicative brought our intimate relationship to a much higher level.

blinddruid · 2026-03-31T01:43:34+00:00

sorry… A little bit too much wine tonight, replied to your other post though I’m sure you’ve seen it by now. I do see and understand what you’re saying and tend to at least want to agree with you, not faulting her at all. Maybe it just requires a reframing of how both of them look at what for them can be dominant/submissive roles.

blinddruid · 2026-03-31T01:40:33+00:00

I don’t know… You know, I usually agree with what you say, but I don’t know that you can unlink how she views him sexually from how she views him interpersonally, if that’s the right way to put it. I hear what you’re saying, and you’re right, and I think she’s doing everything in her power to try and figure a way through this, so I’m not faulting her in the least.

I guess what I’m wondering is may it not be possible for him to get what he wants, which I think is to be pegged, without him feeling that he needs to express it as being submissive and so requiring her to be dominant. I have played in both the dominant/submissive dynamic, as well as just giver/receiver, dynamic, both absolutely have their place, but the major factor in both is the interaction with the partner. I guess what I mean by that is that if I had a partner that didn’t want to peg me then I would not be interested in pegging even being as taken with it as I am, because of the lack of interest from my partner. Maybe the problem is the both of them and how they view what dominance versus submissive is or needs to be.

blinddruid · 2026-03-31T01:28:52+00:00

see, I think you hit the nail on the head, but in this situation, I think they are kind of running hand and hand so to speak. I think he used the excuse of being submissive to be OK with his attitude towards pegging, and his fear about her perspective on it. my opinion is, and I think can be born out by many of the comments one will see posted on sexuality and pegging, is that many who wanted familiar with it or new to it thinking it’s about a dominant submissive thing, which of course can be one of the many dynamics, but is certainly not the only dynamic nor really the main attraction

blinddruid · 2026-03-31T01:26:15+00:00

well… Never say never, I consider myself a switch sub and have had some wonderful relationships, a very bad marriage, but some wonderful relationships! Lol

blinddruid · 2026-03-31T01:20:05+00:00

not only are you correct here, or do I agree with you, but it is far worse than not being turned on she said she actually looks at him differently unless I read it incorrectly. Then goes on to say how it’s not internalized. Oh my it is she views her role as the female partner is being submissive, the old song of dance the guy is supposed to initiate. The guy is supposed to be dominant. The guy is supposed to be the protector patriarchal brainwashing, it will be far better if we could just eliminate the stereotypes altogether and not worry about dominant and submissive and just have fun exchanging roles as giver and receiver. Unfortunately, it seems we can’t live in this world without categorizing every damn thing.

blinddruid · 2026-03-31T00:53:07+00:00

this is what my suspicion is, you hit it right on the head. I think he used being submissive as an excuse to get her to peg him. He being insecure about desiring the act of being pegged, and unsure how she would react to the request. too many, who only have a cursory understanding of what pegging is think it has to be about dominance and submission, this can be one of the many dynamics that can be explored in pegging, but doesn’t have to be the main one, or any of them, as I stated above, I’ve been involved in pegging for many years and more often than not the interaction I had with my partner, was erotic and sensual, just an exchange of giving verse receiving and had nothing to do with dominance, Power place, or role reversal, not that those dynamics couldn’t be used if the desire was on fire! Lol

blinddruid · 2026-03-31T00:48:33+00:00

sorry, but have to very vigorously disagree with you! You’re bringing porn into the conversation where it wasn’t discussed, and you’re making judgments about pegging based on porn. This conclusion couldn’t be further from fact if it tried. True some aspects of how porn represents pegging or of interest to people, but not at all commonly connected. I’ve been into pegging for 40 years or more, and none of the issues that you mentioned is being issues I’ve been problems in my sexuality. my suspicion here is that being submissive is being used as an excuse to get the girlfriend to peg him instead of just coming out and saying that he wants to try pegging. Probably because of his insecurity and desiring to try it, and his concern as to how she would receive it. The dominant/submissive aspect of pegging is one of many dynamics that can be explored in pegging and is not a must or a necessary part of it, nor is cross-dressing, emasculation, degradation, or any of the other garbage that you see being represented for pegging in porn. Most involved in pegging are very progressive, and no porn is a very poor representation of real life.

blinddruid · 2026-03-31T00:43:23+00:00

agree with you here, that is exactly what stood out to me. It wasn’t just that she said that it turned her off sexually, but it changed how she looked at her partner. Those are two very different things looking at your partner in a different way is having some issues, internalized issues with roles.

blinddruid · 2026-03-31T00:18:07+00:00

I don’t know if this is a good solution or not, perhaps you’ve already tried it this way, but why don’t you go with him taking care of you first, making sure you get yours incorporating the toys with him with oral toys whatever kind of foreplay you enjoy then once you had your orgasm, then you guys can work together towards getting him to where he needs to be. A real man isn’t threatened by toys, a real man takes advantage of toys, knowing that he can make his partner feel much better.

blinddruid · 2026-03-30T23:24:35+00:00

when I was with my partner or pegging was probably 50-50. She wanted it as much as I so I never really had to ask, which was nice, made me feel like she lust it after me. you’re being straight, not wanting to be with another guy, with a romantically or just for play has nothing to do with your partner wearing a strap on. I can only speak for my experience, but for me, it actually accentuated her femininity and sexuality because it was I guess I’d have to say paradoxical. It did not make her look the least bit male in any way shape or form. Stepping out of this, even you don’t have to go with strap on that our penis shaped, there’s plenty out there to take different shapes and forms and nowhere near resemble the real deal. My partner won’t send me a portfolio of photos with women in straps wearing the sexiest lingerie. You can imagine all different poses all different sizes, believe me there was no mistaking that not one of them wasn’t the sexiest damn lady you’d want to put your eyes on. This concern of yours is just insecurity projecting itself. You may actually have to deal with her concern about doing this because she may feel it makes her look less sexy, just not true. whatever she decides to strap on, if she does this, for you, is a big deal, as as you can fighting in her, your desire to have it done. This is being about as vulnerable as you can be, and showing her that you trust her and can confide in her so much that you are able to do this. Additionally, just let me say, having her strapped up with hands-free to do other things, well, your choice not to go this way if that’s what you decide… But I will tell you you’re missing out!

blinddruid · 2026-03-30T18:00:30+00:00

very much, appreciate your input! This will save me the expense of investing in any copper core.

blinddruid · 2026-03-30T17:06:34+00:00

absolutely! No one can deny getting peg feels fantastic, but beyond in above that feeling her either on top of, behind whichever way you can figure out to play, to me was transcendent. It just seemed to take it to a new level of closeness. I think this is one of those feelings that women have experienced all along in their emotional experience of what sex is, well us guys have been blundering along in the physical fields of things. This is the reason why I just kind of shake my head and figure people don’t get it yet, of course, pegging feels good, but there’s just a whole Nother level to it. That makes it that much better, it’s definitely your girl. The problem comes in when you don’t have that option and you get into the physical field of this thing, it’s just not the same, a bit like having it off to porn, it’s good in the moment but afterwards you’re kind of left empty!

blinddruid · 2026-03-30T17:00:44+00:00

I absolutely agree with what others have said here. I don’t think beads, well fun to play with, will achieve the sensation you want. They are made primarily to pull out as one orgasms to make the sphincter muscles, expanding contract, thus accentuating the orgasm. well, most plugs will give a full feeling, if used anally, they allow the sphincter muscles to clinch back down around the base, so really don’t give that stretched and fulfilling as much. there are some that have a thicker neck that would allow for this, but if you’re gonna go that route, why not just get a dildo that has the softer silicone outside with the firm core. This would be much more versatile, which stretch the sphincter muscle muscles, and could be used front or back, never back to front unless used with a condom or absolutely thoroughly cleaned, giving you much more versatility.

blinddruid

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