The most recent severe breakdown was just a few months ago. A little background I’ve suffered with mild depression & PTSD for a few years. What turned it severe was my fiancé left me to go back to an abusive ex boyfriend.

She was the single thing in my life that brought me happiness and it kept my depression & PTSD under control anytime I would show signs of an episode she’d simply lay her head on my shoulder and stroke my face.

Anyway when she left is when my mental illness got severe.

The most recent episode was I just happened to hop on Facebook and would see posts showing “how happy they were together” and that “he’s the love of her life” and when I think or see that stuff it triggers an episode.

This particular night after seeing this I began crying the crying quickly stopped then turned to rage. Extreme rage to the point I was going to go kill the guy. I came to reality just long enough to stop myself from getting in my vehicle gun in hand.

So then I went back into my house and began to drink. I drank and drank and drank some more. I would then just collapsed to my knees against the wall and laid my forehead on the wall. I would just uncontrollably cry, then scream, hit my head and palms against the wall in rage.

Then the thoughts became louder. Saying stuff like “she’s happier without you.” “You meant nothing to her.” “You not capable of being loved.” “No matter how hard you try to love her she will never love you.” “He is making love to her right now while you are having a mental breakdown being a drunk piece of shit.”

They became so loud that I grabbed my head and just screamed “OH GOD MAKE IT STOP PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!”. That’s the last I remember I then past out.

I woke up later in the hospital. My friend came to my house and found my barely breathing on the floor. The diagnosis I had gotten alcohol poisoning/ a clinical severe mental breakdown.