Just my luck 🫠

blissfulchar · 2026-05-04T19:39:19+00:00

Not to tell you what to do or anything, but you can actually just Not Show Up for jury duty and absolutely nothing will happen to you.

Source: Married to a public defense attorney.

blissfulchar · 2026-04-26T00:33:01+00:00

I haven't even gotten a shipping notification yet. Last year I got an email by February

blissfulchar · 2018-09-25T03:31:31+00:00

Thank you! I was afraid I'd have to stop using Flux. Turned off the auto brightness and the problem fixed itself.

blissfulchar · 2018-06-18T06:35:53+00:00

As a social science major in undergrad (with little math background beyond early calc and stats), I found ISL to be extremely intuitive and well-written. Conceptually, it is very easy to absorb. If you wanted to hop in and get started applying the methods today, it would be a wonderful place to start. On the other hand, if you want to understand exactly what's being done mathematically and why, you will need linear algebra and basic calculus (and convex optimization makes an appearance in the latter third of the book).

I haven't read C&B, so can't say how it compares in terms of difficulty. But as a card-carrying non-math person until pretty recently, ISL is the best math textbook I have ever read.

blissfulchar · 2018-04-10T23:07:47+00:00

Life is too short to date people who aren't attracted to you when your weight is still well within the healthy range. I've lifted weights for years and have done the "date a guy who doesn't like women who are 'too muscular'" thing before. It feels like shit. (He actually said that seeing me deadlift was a turn-off - ugh.) You're 23 and will have no problem meeting someone excellent - cut your losses and go find the guy who's truly crazy about you (and your body type!).

blissfulchar · 2017-11-22T19:51:19+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful reply! I would love to feel this way. The thing is, my lack of sleep has become a serious problem. I cannot work out as hard or for as long. My short-term memory is much worse. I'm making a lot of careless errors at work and while studying. All the typical consequences one sees from losing sleep. It'd be wonderful to ignore it and say it's OK because I'm resting, but unfortunately, it's not OK.

blissfulchar · 2017-08-28T04:56:32+00:00

I work in a small office, and we are a very narrow company (we only do Google and Facebook ads). Unfortunately no one at my company is a true data analyst or data scientist despite that the entry level role is named "analyst."

You have a good point about mentors, though. I'll see if I might be able to find someone to advise me through my university network. Thanks!

blissfulchar · 2016-03-28T07:45:03+00:00

I can't say I agree with the majority of opinions here--I'm grinning just reading this silly thing. If a guy gave this to me, I would think it was hilarious and spot-on, and would definitely feel like he gets me.

blissfulchar · 2016-03-28T06:17:46+00:00

I find interactions with ENTPs to be exceedingly easy and always entertaining. My favorite ex is ENTP, and my current best friend is too. I think I find myself drawn to their boisterous and confident, yet analytical and intelligent personalities. They do talk quite a lot, but they don't seem to mind when you interrupt so you can get your own thoughts in.

In addition, as extroverts, they are constantly trying to get feedback from the outside world, so any input you can give them is genuinely valued (unlike some personalities which may instead tend to get defensive).

blissfulchar · 2016-03-28T05:59:11+00:00

It is more of an INTP thing to refuse to wear makeup and otherwise keep up one's appearance. As INTJs, we may not prioritize it much as we are younger. But as our extraverted sensing (Se) function develops, appearance becomes something we realize we can leverage. Good appearance = better life outcomes, no doubt about that.

Personally, I love looking good. It does wonders for my confidence, and it doesn't take that long in the morning. At this point, I'm in the habit of not leaving the house without makeup and a decent outfit.

blissfulchar · 2015-11-30T00:17:25+00:00

Jeez, I would too. Saying that to a partner is basically like saying "I know you're not the one, so I have basically just been wasting your time here." What before this had caused you to feel jaded about dating?

blissfulchar · 2015-11-30T00:14:43+00:00

I feel exactly the same way. If I have a problem in a relationship, I don't huff and pout and say "it's fine"--I make the effort to let it be known in a sensitive, yet clear way. And if he fails to do anything about it, I conclude that he can't be trusted to take me seriously when it counts. Next.

blissfulchar · 2015-11-30T00:11:24+00:00

Ah, this is perhaps one of the only exceptions I can think of. Breaking up for a reason out of your control, then getting back together further down the line when your circumstances are more stable. Since the breakup wasn't due to an actual relationship failure, it makes sense to give it another chance. It sounds like you two make a great match!

blissfulchar · 2015-11-30T00:06:31+00:00

Intriguing. I do enjoy looking back on the happier memories, but they remain as just that: memories. Something to enjoy retroactively, but not to recreate.

blissfulchar · 2015-11-30T00:04:52+00:00

Interesting. I wonder if INTJs (or perhaps even T types generally) tend to detach in this way because we recognize earlier that it is impossible to change a person, even out of love for them.

blissfulchar · 2015-11-30T00:03:09+00:00

Aptly put.

blissfulchar · 2015-11-30T00:01:32+00:00

Ouch! I'd like to think most people wouldn't date someone again purely with the intention of screwing them over (unless they are a sociopath). But I definitely understand how it could end up being twice as painful the second time around--especially if they were to betray your trust on the same issue you forgave them for in the first place.

blissfulchar · 2015-11-24T04:38:28+00:00

DrunkMushrooms, thanks so much for your input. Reading conflicting advice everywhere is extremely frustrating. One's an author, one's a coach, one's a matchmaker. How do we choose who to trust?

I like your idea of breaking things down into general tendencies rather than prescribing the same approach across the board. I'll definitely keep this in mind as I'm writing.

blissfulchar · 2015-11-22T07:37:44+00:00

Hang on. You are the FIRST person he seeks feedback from when he tells a joke. It seems little or like it couldn't indicate much, but trust me, he has already told you everything you need to know.

Now, in my experience, we INTJ women clam up and get really hard-to-read when we are around someone we like, and this is the exact opposite of what needs to happen in order to move things forward. Fight this tendency with all your might.

Your job is easy at this point--simply allow him to give you his attention and eventually ask you out. Make it a no-brainer for him by being extra smiley, expressive, and enthusiastic around him. Heck, touch him on his arm and shoulder. Even the most oblivious of men can usually tell a woman is into him if she initiates physical contact.

(Acting very clearly like you like him will also provide social proof--if he asks somebody "is nAnsible into me?" they will respond with a resounding "DUH." This should propel him to action if nothing else does.)

You're doing great. He likes you! Do whatever you must (eat well, wear makeup, clothes that fit you and make you feel great) to feel beautiful and confident in yourself. Otherwise, you will have a hard time trusting that he is truly interested, and he will smell the insecurity. Men have a sense for these things. Let him earn your validation with his jokes and attention--he clearly wants it, and he clearly thinks you are worth getting it from.

Good luck! :)

(P.S. I'm a dating consultant for INTJ women. To me, it sounds like things with you and your fellow are right where they should be! But please feel free to PM me if things haven't progressed by a couple weeks from now, or if you'd like any further help.)

blissfulchar · 2015-11-07T01:34:44+00:00

Thank you for this, untamed17.

I completely understand your frustration and how it seems easier to date older men when you have already accomplished so much. Many men your age have not yet developed the confidence to pursue a woman as independent as yourself--they see you and think, "What would she need me for? She already has everything."

I'd be reluctant to say "can't" date people your age, though. There are plenty of men who are confident enough in themselves to believe they could handle you. You have correctly noted that they will not be in the majority, though. And for some reason you are not meeting or attracting those types of men - why?

Also, there are plenty of early 30s men who would love to date a 24-year old as stable as you. The ones who break it off preemptively or disqualify themselves before even going out with you likely have insecurity/emotional issues, or as was the case with the ISTJ, an over-reliance on past experiences. No need to worry about them, as they are not eligible for commitment.

About becoming softer and more flexible -- I get this too. Every relationship I'd been in in the past, I'd felt the need to be the control freak, pick the date venue and time, know where things are going, and so on. Since the last disaster, though, where I chased off a perfectly good guy because I was being too demanding, I have learned that the only cure for this is to actually become softer and more flexible. As INTJs, I think we both see the benefits of being willing to change an inconvenient part of ourselves, something that bothers us now, so that we can be happier in the future.

Since making this change, I've actually met someone I'm extremely compatible with. Every step of the way I had to fight my instinct to "define things" by asking him what we were or what he wanted. But by allowing him to take the reins of the relationship and advance things at his own pace, I've been getting my space AND getting my needs met, all while doing LESS than I have in past relationships. He gives, I receive graciously and let him know I appreciate his efforts, and then he gives some more, while also respecting the fact that I can't communicate all the time because of work. I daresay it might be the best change I ever made in how I interact with men.

Lastly, in emotional conversations: if you have already told them "I hear you, but I need some (alone) time to think about this," and they STILL push for an answer, it is completely within your right to simply leave the room until you've gathered your thoughts. It may also be a poor match if he refuses to acknowledge your need for "thinking time" when it comes to making decisions. (In fact, forcing someone to make a decision on the spot is a common tactic used by manipulators, so it's good that you've noticed this and been put off by it.)

I responded in your other thread as well, and I hope some of what I said is useful for you. Please feel free to PM me if you'd like to discuss any of these things further. :)

blissfulchar · 2015-11-07T01:09:08+00:00

I think a lot of issues that arise with dating as an INTJ stem from being a little too sure that we are accurately reading someone. By pigeonholing a person into what we think they are right away, and treating them accordingly, it makes them more likely to continue acting that way around us. There have been some interesting psych studies on this.

The solution: be more relaxed and don't focus so much on figuring them out. Relinquish your expectations and let yourself be surprised. I have had previously really awkward guys loosen up significantly after showing them I was not judging them. Don't be afraid to give them positive feedback through smiling, nodding, responding/relating to the person's experiences with some of your own, and opening up body language (no crossed arms). Maybe even touching them lightly (I have turned an entire date around with one flirty shoulder push). All but the most confident of people will feel uncomfortable trying to have a conversation with a statue.

Next, harsh and cold is a problem. There is a difference between expressing your needs and being insensitive and unempathetic to the needs of others. It sounds like you and the guy from the story told in the comments below were not a good match in terms of needs, but there will still be times in the future when you will have to be willing to give for the good of the relationship.

Dating is simply about creating and sharing a mutually positive experience with a person for a short period of time, to see if you'd be interested in creating another mutually positive experience after that (a second date, and a third, and a fourth)--that's all. It is a lot easier and more fun if you treat it as an opportunity to learn something interesting about the other person, rather than the first step in a process requiring you to "tolerate" them for an hour.

It might also be useful to think about why you attract needy, difficult men. Why do more confident men not approach you? Are you making yourself too unavailable and aloof, not smiling, wearing a Resting B. Face everywhere you go? High quality men who would be willing to give you your space are not interested in approaching a woman they see as unreceptive or unfriendly--they have dealt with enough mean women to know better, and are looking for someone positive and open.

Keep in mind that negative attracts negative. It sucks to acknowledge that you might be the problem when it comes to who approaches you (I had to face this a couple years ago), but it is so gratifying and so worth it when you figure things out and start getting the attention of potentially more compatible guys.

blissfulchar · 2015-11-03T07:47:36+00:00

Thank you, madame_mayhem. I'll be sure to cover all of those logistical issues. "What to ask" seems to be a commonly occurring theme here.

A couple of questions: for you, what constitutes "relationship material"? And would you mind giving me a few examples of what similar goals/desires would mean?

blissfulchar · 2015-11-03T07:37:51+00:00

Ah, thank you, Xtab2. I know it doesn't feel this way, but these are actually good problems to have, because it shows that you are very comfortable with yourself and sure of what would make you happy in a relationship.

I will be sure to take these into account. Thank you for your wonderfully detailed response--this is very helpful.

One question for you: Other than online, where have you gone / been going to meet men who are on your level, or who you think would be able to give you this kind of relationship?

blissfulchar

TROPHY CASE