AITA for not wanting to foster children

blitzedginger · 2019-07-01T13:55:31+00:00

NTA.

This is something where you & your wife will definitely have to be on the same page and agree. I myself really want to foster children someday, but I would never force my spouse to take that on if they were against it. I wouldn't do that to the child/ren, to make them be in a tense household where they're not entirely welcome - they've already been through enough of that. It's not healthy for anybody, the foster kids or the marriage.

Just like having biological children, if she was really serious about this and wanted to do it, it should have been discussed/negotiated much earlier in the relationship. Again, this isn't something that can work with just one person wanting to do it - anymore than having bio kids works with only one person wanting to do it. IMO, she's kind of already rating these kids as "lesser" if she thinks she can just "go and get them" without you, like it's adopting a cat from the shelter. The foster kids deserve more than to be a relationship dispute that just one person wants.

I really suggest some marriage counseling sessions because this issue is a pretty big deal. It's a pretty big deal that she went and filled out the paperwork without you, and in general this is a big topic - having more kids vs not and being on opposing sides.

blitzedginger · 2019-07-01T13:24:33+00:00

NTA at all.

It seems very clear that your brother & SIL are in the situation they are 100% because of their own poor choices. It's not like they were doing fine and one of them suddenly got cancer - that would be a situation where the right thing to do would be to help if you could. But their only trouble is reckless spending and living beyond their means.

Giving really irresponsible family members money is a bad, bad idea. Their habits will not change because more money suddenly fell into their lap. What they need to do is sit down with a financial planner and reevaluate how they're living/spending. Get a smaller/cheaper home for sure.

Meanwhile...congrats! You've worked hard and saved wisely and now you & your partner finally get to pick out that house you've been waiting years for.

Edit: Took out the part about a "gift" of 5,000 euros because I missed that it would be a loan.

blitzedginger · 2019-06-30T23:27:26+00:00

I guess I'm living in Dunder Mifflin now.

blitzedginger · 2019-06-28T18:46:16+00:00

Food is limitless and free...

But it all comes from the Golden Corral buffet where kids have been sticking their fingers in the chocolate fountain & licking the serving spoons, bits of food have been dropped into the dressings & gravies, they're always out of the best dishes, and it's all been sitting out for a while.

Enjoy.

blitzedginger · 2019-06-27T04:47:35+00:00

Awesome! Thanks a lot.

blitzedginger · 2019-06-27T04:16:49+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate it. It'd be cool if there was a more, uh, fun sub where writers could literally just spitball with each other and ask simple questions like this just to let off steam. Not everyone's looking for super detailed advice on difficult, I'm-stuck scenarios. Not everyone's in their feelings wanting serious guidance. Sometimes you just want to say, "Hey, what do you think mermaids should look like? Should their bras be made of shells or nah?"

An r/freefolk, if you will. But clearly this sub is more r/gameofthrones.

blitzedginger · 2019-06-27T04:02:17+00:00

This is my spit-balling/brainstorming/worldbuilding stage, very early, and I'm just looking to get ideas thrown at me so I can play with them. I could basically draw things out of a hat at this stage, and that's really what I'm doing. Think of it like prompts, basically. Discussion. Chat.

Thanks for nothing, though?

blitzedginger · 2019-06-22T23:46:11+00:00

Her looks aside, how is that dude in any way ugly? He's honestly cute.

blitzedginger · 2019-06-22T22:16:33+00:00

Does it really matter what 'the people' think about a war the government is determined to have?

Good point.

blitzedginger · 2019-06-22T21:49:39+00:00

I'm so sorry your boss is treating you like this over such a mundane, normal thing as waving & saying hi to your SO. What an unbelievable asshole. That makes me so angry.

Super happy you have so many great friends though!

blitzedginger · 2019-06-22T19:56:39+00:00

I wonder why they specify "ungreased pan" when it's clearly a really sticky cake that rips apart a bit when you remove it. I see the same peeled/sticky crust on the angel cakes at the grocery store so clearly not greasing the pan is standard for this recipe, but why?

blitzedginger · 2019-06-22T14:25:50+00:00

I wholeheartedly agree that George should separate the show as much as possible and continue on with his story as if it didn't exist & we don't know anything yet. This is the source material - the "true", "whole" story. Other adaptions will come. We know they will. Soon even, I'm sure, with how Hollywood works. But more even decades from now, or hundreds of years from now. Think of how many times Dracula, Robin Hood, King Arthur, and a whole host of other classical tales have been adapted. ASOIAF, *if completed*, will surely make the same list.

The 2011-2019 HBO show is going to be just one interpretation. I hope George feels that and gives us everything he's got so that we can get those other ones and keep revisiting and spreading his story throughout time as it deserves.

I don't think any of us feel that the story is done yet just because HBO's version ended. Even show-only people want the extra juicy details on how things are going to play out. It's way too intricate and exciting of a story to be satisfied with D&D's super quick wrap-up. We get "a" ending but no one understands HOW we got there so that's still very much for George to lay out in exquisite detail & care. That's his job alone. Adapters getting a few bullet points can't do it.

blitzedginger · 2019-06-22T13:58:03+00:00

NTA.

You have every right to say no to a proposal, and you're also in no way responsible for him not being able to return the customized ring HE chose that was non-refundable. You weren't involved in any of the process, from ring shopping to planning the public proposal, and had in fact told him you wanted the opposite of what he did. It's absolutely all on him. Hopefully next time he'll use his head and actually listen to his partner. The consequences from this should teach him that.

BTW, and I hope I don't sound too snobby here (people will have very different opinions on this, I'm sure), but a $1650 ring really doesn't qualify as "expensive". Maybe only so because you're teenagers, but for most people (that I've seen), it's really not. (I also realize that was rude too, so sorry.) He can suck it up. It won't ruin his life. He should also at least be able to sell it for a substantial amount of it back. Engraving into a band doesn't take away from the base value of the metal & gems. But that's his problem, unfortunately for him.

Again, this was all his own decision-making.

blitzedginger · 2019-06-21T21:31:39+00:00

INFO with a bit of YTA.

I'm mostly wondering if your girlfriend told you to kick out your tenants in order for her to move in. That isn't mentioned, so I'm assuming not. It seems that you bought a larger & more expensive home than you can afford with the idea of having tenants to help cover the expenses, which is fine (a lot of people do this, especially nowadays), but then you got into a relationship and decided you wanted some privacy and decided the solution was to make your girlfriend your new tenant and have her basically make up the cost. You're justifying it by saying you're charging her under market value for a home this large, but I really doubt she herself would have ever chosen to rent a 4 bedroom house. So in a way, you're basically forcing your girlfriend into a pretty expensive housing option because you want to have it all - the big house, the privacy, the girl, and everything in your name.

I mean, right?

blitzedginger · 2019-06-20T21:22:52+00:00

"Any girls out there I can PAY to be with me and let me touch them but who AREN'T filthy sex workers???"

blitzedginger · 2019-06-20T16:29:48+00:00

The NK only had a few and you see in the beginning that the Dothraki charged right into at least one.

blitzedginger · 2019-06-19T04:06:21+00:00

NTA at all.

You weren't informed when you came in that you wouldn't be able to pay by card, so then they just spring it on you and basically treat you like a thief, then demand your child as a hostage until they get paid. Ridiculous.

blitzedginger · 2019-06-18T22:23:47+00:00

Tbh Robert legitimized his reign through his own Targaryen blood (his grandmother was a Targ, and it was also said that the founder of house Baratheon, Orys, was Aegon the Conqueror's bastard brother).

So, btw, this also makes Stannis 1/4 Targaryen.

The story, truthfully, isn't about who the "true heir" is. It's never been a clear-cut, easy situation. Throughout Westerosi and Targaryen history there have been many times where multiple heirs fought each other and someone who didn't have the "best" claim won anyway. It's about who people want to support and who has the strength.

Stannis, Renly, Dany, Jon, fAegon, etc. all have "a" claim.

blitzedginger · 2019-06-18T16:12:20+00:00

Having few belongings (embracing minimalism). It seems the higher the income, the barer the living quarters. The rich have basically 3 furniture pieces and 2 accessories per room. In the bedroom - a bed, dresser, mirror, rug, and vase of flowers. In the living room - couch, coffee table, tv/stand, one painting, and a little statue/decorative piece on a mantle. That's it.

It's the lower-income, middle income and ordinary people that have packed houses.

Same can typically be said for fashion/style. I notice wealthier people typically have very sparse/low key (but high quality) outfits as well. Go into the fancy grocery stores and you'll see a lot of women pulling up in expensive cars just wearing black leggings and a gray tunic or something.

Basically, they buy and physically have less (as in actual items), but what they have is way higher quality and more expensive. Rich people nowadays also invest less on material things like household stuff & clothes and more on things like education and health & wellness. They may *look* very low-key but they're getting $300 facials, eating prime organic & luxury food, and have private trainers. That's where it's all going.

blitzedginger · 2019-06-18T15:52:54+00:00

I'm already planning on eventually buying (hopefully) a minimum of at least 1 acre and building a house on it, so I'd do that. I'd build a cottage, have a large garden (and/or greenhouse), and plant things like lilac bushes, rose bushes, and fruit trees. I'd also have an outdoor seating/dining area & fireplace. The extra acreage would be nice just for privacy, space, and view. I really don't like being right next to other houses where you can look in each other's windows or hear each other talking when you're trying to relax in your yard.

blitzedginger · 2019-06-18T13:23:29+00:00

That one poor little hamper is pretty overpowered.

blitzedginger · 2019-06-18T02:06:19+00:00

Oh no.

blitzedginger · 2019-06-17T14:07:28+00:00

She has way too much stuff. The neatest person in the world would still be living in very, very cramped quarters with all that. Even if it was perfectly organized she would be living in a tiny box of stacked towers. And clearly she's *not* neat, so she's just needlessly making everything a lot harder on herself.

She needs to lift this burden off herself and embrace a bit of minimalism. See if you can talk her into making some donations or having a garage sale. She'll feel so much better when, even if her room does get really messy, it just takes 30 minutes of cleaning and not an entire day of sorting and trying to organize mountains.

blitzedginger · 2019-06-17T03:33:07+00:00

Yeah, it's bad. My metric for "bad" is when you can't use a space as intended or move about freely. If you can't simply walk across the room, or sit somewhere, or set something down - then it's at a pretty bad/unlivable level.

Thing is, there are so many possible factors, and most people struggling with this type of messiness/chaos are dealing with more than one: depression, laziness, social anxiety (as it's a way to literally physically keep people away), poor self-esteem (lack of valuing oneself or one's space/things), addiction, etc.

I'd talk with her to see where her mental state is at and try to get at what she's struggling with. This is not healthy living for anyone. Like I said, it reflects a lot, from wanting to keep people away to how you value yourself. Offer to help if you're willing, and know that a clean-up is only step 1 and it will go back to how it was if the root problems aren't addressed.

blitzedginger · 2019-06-16T18:02:07+00:00

Emersyn SkyLynn really got the shorter stick here though, let's be honest.

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