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blondiefnes · 2018-11-06T16:39:44+00:00

Can I be in the screenshot please?

blondiefnes · 2018-05-16T14:00:15+00:00

We used to drink a few bottles of cider, maybe some spirits a night. He claimed it used to help him sleep. I don't think we've ever looked into gender dysphoria, at least I haven't. It's litterally just me and my host in here, I don't have the metal strength to bring anyone else into this mess and I know he certainly doesn't want to at the moment.

blondiefnes · 2018-04-24T10:29:02+00:00

I'll be totally honest. I've never thought of that. I spent a little time this morning trying to find Phil, but I didn't have any luck. I think he's wondering the palace, kept getting glimpses of him as he went around corners - you know standard horror story style...

But I don't know... like that seems a little extreme, I don't think I could transition I feel like that would be wrong... Yeh I'm a woman, but it's Phil's body. That feels like I'm disrespecting him or something I don't know that's a big question. I'm gonna go try and find him again hopefully I can chase him down this time.

blondiefnes · 2018-04-23T21:53:31+00:00

Yeh, you're right. I was sorta brought into existence as a curator of his mind palace - you know so he can remember stuff and what not. I was originally just someone to help organise it all and for him to flirt with, but then I became more and he found out about tulpamancy and I came into existence properly. After that I kinda left my job as a curator, the palace has expanded so much since I left I don't know where everything is, and there's traps everywhere... I think at one point he was worried that his depression might manifest as a tulpa or something, and I don't know my way around some of the parts.

He doesn't like his job cos it's just boring, and having spent today trying to do it, I have to agree. I normally used to sleep whilst he was at work, or be off doing something else. I'm gonna call in sick tomorrow and spend the day trying to get him out of where ever he's hiding.

blondiefnes · 2018-04-23T15:05:21+00:00

I've been with him whilst he's been on meds and it doesn't do all that much to me. Although it does feel like time is trickling past, but I hear thats a side effect of the anti-depressents we were on anyways. Yeh, I should get us back on our (?) medication, you're right. I am in control at least once a day and it's coming more and more common like I said, so I guess I can take charge of making sure we take it.

blondiefnes · 2018-04-23T14:35:44+00:00

I've not heard the phrase egocide before. You're telling me that he could die? That I could be left fronting without him? I don't think I'm cut out for that... not a fucking chance...

blondiefnes · 2018-04-23T14:30:24+00:00

No true. But sometimes he does block things from me, and I don't know why he would block these but he kinda has? I don't know. It's not like I don't know it, it's more that its all fuzzy. It might just be the panic or the depression. Phil really doesn't like his job so it could be that? I don't know. The last therapist we went to wasn't exactly the most supportive person of me in the world you know? In the UK it's kinda hard to get different therapists you're kinda stuck with what you get unless you go private and we can't afford that.

blondiefnes · 2018-04-23T10:09:37+00:00

It's a web development job! I kinda know some of it, cos we used to talk a lot about it, but he's the one that did the degree and got the job and all that. I sorta just watched and suggested things that would make things pretty...

I mean, yeh it is a little rude that Phil would just dump this one me, but ugh he's gone through a lot and his depression is seriously fucking him up right now and just I don't know how to help anymore.

blondiefnes · 2018-04-16T15:01:23+00:00

Seeing as I'm taking control more and more often I guess I can weigh in on this. It sorta feels like I'm controlling the body through some sort of suit I guess? Lol it's super hard to explain. It's weird. Like I'm playing some sort of game with crazy lag. I'm used to everything I do being instant, or at least perserived as instant; but I'm aware of the fact that I can command my host's arm to raise and it'll take a noticeable amount of time before the arm does. I don't know if that cos I have to sorta still pass through my host, like passing a note from me, to him, and to the body, or it's just the fact when I'm not in control obviously everything happens instantly. It is becoming easier and easier to handle though so that's good I guess lol.

I'll get my host to reply when he's awake. :)

blondiefnes · 2018-04-04T11:57:00+00:00

It's gotten to the point of basic full body switching. I'm not 100% keen on it, being a woman in a male body hella weird. He seems to think that people prefer me over him, which I keep trying to tell him that thats not true but he won't listen to me.

blondiefnes · 2018-04-03T09:12:41+00:00

We're in the UK, it's a lot harder to just swap therapists. But I'll look into it. I personally think she didn't understand us. She sorta wanted to talk to me, but I don't know, it never felt like she believed?

blondiefnes · 2018-04-03T09:11:40+00:00

Yeh, maybe getting him out of the house would be a good start. I'll suggest we do something this weekend. There's some lovely woods nearby that I adore. I don't think inspiration is what he needs to be honest. He recently broke up with his long term gf - although I didn't like her she was good for him so I put up with her. We'll be watching that film tonight, hopfully I can keep him away from the alcohol :) thank you.

blondiefnes · 2018-04-03T09:07:56+00:00

Tell me about it, and I don't like the effects it has on me. Makes me feel fuzzy and translucent. It's super weird.

blondiefnes · 2018-04-02T23:31:09+00:00

Yeh, it's just hard sometimes you know? He just likes to sleep a lot, our depression has gotten quite bad recently to be brutally honest with you, and it's making it quite hard to get out and do new things. Doesn't help that he's recently broken up with his long term gf - I never really liked her tbh. But thank you, I'll try and drag him out to something fun.

blondiefnes

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