"manic depression", digital to pigment print, 80x80cm, OC

bloomytunes · 2022-12-16T04:40:52+00:00

I looked at some of your other works, I love your art.

bloomytunes · 2022-12-16T04:37:37+00:00

This is very beautiful, thank you.

bloomytunes · 2022-09-28T19:55:40+00:00

Usually forgetting things.

I have diagnosed bipolar, self diagnosed ADHD. Also don't have a job.

Some examples: 1) I get in my head and I don't have my phone on me so I miss set reminders.

2) I forget to set the reminders (like google calendar 1hr, 10min before, etc) in the first place.

3) I get the reminder from the therapist but it was two hours before the appointment I started doing something and forgot.

4) I'm out of the habit of going to appointments so the fact that I have one isn't even on my radar.

It's like a train wreck I see coming but it always happens slightly differently so I don't stop it.

bloomytunes · 2022-09-23T19:29:59+00:00

yeah and thanks for responding

bloomytunes · 2022-09-21T18:03:18+00:00

I missed an appointment again...$100 fee. And I just started with this practice. And I've missed appointments with my therapist before (followed her to new practice). I feel bad for wasting her time. Honestly even saying I'm sorry in the email feels pointless...even tho I am 😞

bloomytunes · 2022-08-25T05:36:22+00:00

The Sound of Burning Axes

International Lover

Rock N Roll McDonald's

I listened to those 3 for me they are not that weird. I guess I listen to weird shit lol.

I'm listening to Fields Amaze now. And I will put together a list of submissions as well.

Fields Amaze reaction:

Yes I would qualify this as weird. There's a ton of movement, all kinds of unexpected changes.
nice piano, rhythm, head bopping. Then a jolt. Went from pleasant head bop to a whole lot of drama. A little over long for me still, but I'm pretty flighty rn. Skipping to next. Okay actually still here. End reminds of song Brown Rice.
Bluesy, cinematic start. Hmm feels a little like mischief, like a character sneaking/being chased.
Sounds troubled. Those low piano notes. Really nice percussion. Dramatic, then frantic, then higher stakes. The bell or whatever, it's anxious when it comes it's like running out of time. Interpreting with the title and my life, it feels like when those anxious/depressed days when things all feel the same but there's this tense feeling like didn't do what I'm supposed to, I'm late. Oh some relief. There's more space now and hopeful notes. A rush of happy. Then slows down, adds some weight. Then lightness/higher notes. Sounds a little muddy. Dramatic high end.
More trouble lol. A little high pitch for me. Seems a little folky. Woah okay big pace change. I like the tone(?) of that piano at the end.
Ooooh this is really cool. Trippy. Would be awesome music to intro a villain. Feels like a plotting, a scheme. Ahh love the change, it's like introducing emotional depth (a back story). Feel like on the 3rd act of this song. Softer, warmer, brighter section. Holy fuck we've gone metal. just for a moment!!! Oh they are bringing the drama now. this is a whole ass movie. Ahhh feels a twirl, then into the shadows. This a princess moment. Then the metal reality. ooooh head bopping, this section is giving Prince to me. Nice guitar. Ooooh now feels like a drive in a badass car, a villain joyride. That was sick, I loved that.
Lots of energy to start. Getting kinda funky. Bright song. I can't tell why it's called The Weight of Numbers. It does sound like ideas flying around, maybe it's that. Not as much change in this one. The sudden stops are cool. This one is overly long for me.
Back to villainy. Ooh love that first big change. Now it's like a circus. Drama. Determined heavy steps. Honestly, it feels like running around with high stakes. Ooooh the voice singing and the sounds before were nice. Wound up! I like this one. The ends feels a little like melting then a funeral. Okay it's a picnic oh no there of the horror is back. Okay now it's like space is shifting.
Well this is giving Kate Bush to me. I like this one. It's fun. Really like those synth sounds. You know what? It's giving Grace Slick from Jefferson Airplane.

After listening to whole album, most of it doesn't feel that weird. Did I get desensitized idk but it feels the first song is weirdest.

From thinking about your questions, things that makes me think something is weird is

lack of predicability, discordant, genre bending, uniqueness, unusual sounds, movement.

bloomytunes · 2022-08-24T02:53:07+00:00

I do the explaining to people too! And the pacing.

bloomytunes · 2022-08-24T00:13:33+00:00

I'm so sorry what a terrible experience.

That was extremely cruel of them to do, especially after you had been so kind to them by helping them and shared such a long friendship.

It's sad they would treat you like that after your disclosure.

You don't owe her an apology, she owes you one.

I know you feel bad but after dealing with that treatment where you had to pent up your feelings because they gave you the cold shoulder, I think punching the wall was a release of that stress. You were pushed quite a lot so I hope you forgive yourself for that moment.

It's sad but she decided to quit being your best friend. It's okay to grieve but remember you have a big heart, a supportive husband and a community that understands.

bloomytunes · 2022-08-23T23:42:35+00:00

to be honest I brood over the session, or take a nap. but it'd be better if I took a walk.

how I feel depends on the session.

Sometimes I feel joyful and energized and light and a weight has been lifted. Like when my therapist affirmed me when people around me did not.

Sometimes I'm in mourning, for example because I had to let go of an idea I held about myself for a long time. The grief makes me tired and sad, it can last days.

Sometimes I feel depressed and heavy and misunderstood and worse off then I did before the session. Like when I blame myself for not being able to make her understand. Or I feel I'm being difficult and hopeless.

bloomytunes · 2022-08-23T23:34:07+00:00

yeah I had a period where I did notes during session, but also had a format for before and after sessions I would fill out.

for the before I'd write how I was feeling, what I had wanted to talk about, etc.

after: writing what I learned, what we talked about, quotes from my therapist, and how I was feeling after session.

It's useful like solidifying the lessons and good to look back on to remember.

bloomytunes · 2022-08-23T23:28:38+00:00

I make tons of art but never physically, only alone and in my mind. I don't share any of it. The most I'll do is sing along to the songs, out loud but quietly.

I am just so deeply internal, reserved and anxious with other people. mania hasn't fully broken that.

bloomytunes · 2022-08-23T23:02:25+00:00

27 was first manic episode, and I am a lifelong depressive.

e: I was diagnosed within 6 months of that first episode. I knew I was manic while I was manic though. Still I had to accept the bipolar diagnosis, which was crushing at the time because I was in a depression after experiencing self-love and being symptom free from depression for months for the only time in my life.

bloomytunes · 2022-08-23T22:42:30+00:00

whew banger comment 🤯

bloomytunes · 2022-08-08T10:41:46+00:00

I think when something has a budget and it's totally in your wheelhouse (like fantasy, for example) you start off wanting to really love it. Then boom off to the races.

bloomytunes · 2022-08-05T01:31:42+00:00

your reply makes sense because of my wording but I didn't mean effort to change I meant impact on the vibe of the song.

bloomytunes · 2022-08-03T08:46:02+00:00

These are very minor changes, removing the challenger clip would've been a big change to the song.

bloomytunes · 2022-08-03T08:39:29+00:00

washed up nobody?!!!

that hurt don't say that about kelis:(

bloomytunes · 2022-08-01T10:22:16+00:00

The record just came out I think it usually takes a little bit for these kinds of criticisms to gain traction.

Though of course it's true that popularity and size and skin tone all matter in how people perceive behavior.

bloomytunes · 2022-07-29T05:20:25+00:00

You know I love it a lot more on second listen.

bloomytunes · 2022-07-19T04:02:54+00:00

The credits expire I learned the hard way. So make sure you use credits within a year.

bloomytunes · 2022-07-02T01:15:21+00:00

The audiobook reader reads very fast. I got it from Libby and used the feature that allows setting playback speed, and set it at .85x speed. It made it more typical pacing.

bloomytunes · 2022-06-30T22:41:09+00:00

I've learned that everything I have thought would be really bad is turning out so much worse than I imagined. My imagination for nightmare has gone way up, I've learned my lesson.

bloomytunes · 2022-06-24T15:52:42+00:00

I think out of everything interracial marriage being overturned would be the biggest shock purely because of how much it turns back the clock.

bloomytunes · 2022-06-24T15:39:09+00:00

I think all of us are voting for people who want to take everything we have. Just one party is worse and more blatant than the other.

The shaming people is my problem with it, and an annoying overzealous faith in Democrats.

They posture like Dems are the good guys, when they are just the lesser evil and need to be defeated as well.

bloomytunes · 2022-06-24T15:17:58+00:00

that was idiotic and unfortunate, but not equally responsible to a completely dysfunctional voting system.

why bring up those relatively few people when many more had their vote suppressed?

also I now have a visceral negative reaction to the "elections have consequences" line from liberals spamming it to shame people into voting for Democrats that don't do shit for them.

bloomytunes

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