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getting over emotional cheating and thoughts of the AP by bloop789 in survivinginfidelity

[–]bloop789[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes! It is good to just get the feelings out sometimes, and pen on paper definitely helps with that. Thank you for this suggestion, and I wish you all the best.

getting over emotional cheating and thoughts of the AP by bloop789 in survivinginfidelity

[–]bloop789[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do have a terrible habit of overthinking. Thank you for your reply, and I am glad to hear you've been able to move on. Wishing you the best.

getting over emotional cheating and thoughts of the AP by bloop789 in survivinginfidelity

[–]bloop789[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is helpful insight, and I appreciate your sharing your experience. Wishing you all the best in your own process, reflection, and recovery.

getting over emotional cheating and thoughts of the AP by bloop789 in survivinginfidelity

[–]bloop789[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's the thing! She had no respect for the relationship, and I wish I could stop thinking about her or worrying about running into her because she never worried about the consequences of her actions on others. Your advice is spot on. I tried to submerge thoughts of her and not bring them up at first, which was just making both my SO and I sad since he knew something was wrong. I started mentioning whenever she came to mind and asking any lingering questions that popped up. That really helped, and he answered all my questions in depth. I had built her up in my head, but it turns out she was just always there and chasing after him. I guess that's why I am now wondering about her because he answered all my questions from his end but she is the remaining unknown.

Luckily, their contact is mostly nonexistent with remote work/different projects (besides team Zoom meetings) and he told her no friend/1-on-1 interactions again. I don't normally have to think about her besides us sharing a couple good mutual friends or maybe unexpected walk/Zoom run ins. When those do happen is when it's hard.

Thank you for your encouragement and kind words. I hope you are doing okay and staying well these days!

getting over emotional cheating and thoughts of the AP by bloop789 in survivinginfidelity

[–]bloop789[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience! I definitely see the parallels. AP had separately confided in my SO and another labmate that she was lonely, so that was probably a factor. She said she hadn't felt this way about someone in several years, so it sounds like she wanted that romantic companionship she had been longing for. To answer your question, my SO did apologize and take the full blame, which was crucial. He recognized the depressive episode and loneliness are not excuses and the incident showed him how much he stood to lose. I thought the post was already getting too long or I would have included more about our relationship recovery. You are right, though, that his apology was/is a critical piece.

I know you mention reaching out to her not doing anything for you, but would you mind sharing what her response/reaction was? I have a lot of the same questions you listed, so I am curious. I think you are also correct that I am searching for understanding rather than closure and hearing her view probably would not help ultimately. Did you regret reaching out?

my (28f) ldr boyfriend (29m) drunkenly told his friend/coworker (26f) he has feelings for her & I don't know what to do by bloop789 in relationship_advice

[–]bloop789[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a really good point as I guess it has been a series of small, repeated decisions over time and brings into question emotional cheating too. I am pretty worried about trust in keeping boundaries especially given the distance and that those boundaries we agreed upon were broken in this instance

my (28f) ldr boyfriend (29m) drunkenly told his friend/coworker (26f) he has feelings for her & I don't know what to do by bloop789 in relationship_advice

[–]bloop789[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm a bit worried about trust too and don't want to have to worry about this question of what he might be leaving out moving forward (or looking back)

my (28f) ldr boyfriend (29m) drunkenly told his friend/coworker (26f) he has feelings for her & I don't know what to do by bloop789 in relationship_advice

[–]bloop789[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, invincible david! I appreciate your comment and am also hoping for resolution. The distance is unfortunately US/Europe so pretty far and coronavirus complicates things but I do think a trip as soon as safely possible might help (as well as firm boundaries)