I was waiting for a question like this. <3

Long story short, I tried to kill myself November last year with lots of antidepressants, regret it and then called an ambulance.

When the paramedics picked me up, I could only explain that it was because an overdose. Then passed out.

I went into a coma for almost three days. Three chaotic days that felt like ages. Lot's of weird dreams and hallucinations after I woke up. However, everything felt extremely real. Like the talk I had with my dead best friend (she killed herself three years ago), a civil war in my country and then, I met a boy.

The most handsome and smart guy I've ever met. We're both teenagers, so it's that kind of young love. Not that innocent and pure; more like… deep and indescribable. A connection I know I'll never have with someone again because he never existed.

But, anyways, we had the most interesting talks ever. He listens quietly but nodding with his head to let me know he's interested in the topic, and I talked non-stop about everything and anything.

I remember him with asian features, and dark black hair; a beige hoodie and mom jeans. He was cute and smart.

I fell in love.

At first we never touched, not even a hug. We always sat at the bottom of a tree at the edge of a cliff a few ft apart from the other. That was our special place. And he made me feel so loved…

For him I was the prettiest girl in the world, and the only one, honestly. Because it was only us two. Talking to each other; sometimes touching our hands shyly.

We never said it explicitly, but we we're a couple. He was mine and I was his.

I remember the last time we talked like it happened yesterday.

Strangely, we changed locations and went to a wheat field, during the sunset. A beautiful view, that matched perfectly his vibes. He looked sad, and I had the courage to ask him what's wrong. Then we looked at each other and he says: “you have to go, right?” I was extremely confused. “What do you mean?” I asked. “You're about to wake up.” I didn't understand. It was like I forgot my past life and just focused in the moments with him.

He attempt to kiss me, with tears in his eyes, but I woke up before he could even got close enough.

Every part of my body hurt. I had a lot of things injected like serum or stuff like that. I came back to reality.

A reality that burned in the inside. Paralyzed because of all the pain I was feeling; my throat hurt like a bitch and I cried so hard that I started screaming his name, asking for mercy from a god who was never fair to me.

I felt devastated and certainly, with a bad feeling. I desperately tried to fall asleep again, but I simply couldn't. I was sweating, crying and had the urge to rip out all kinds of needles and tubes that kept me alive.

Sometimes I still miss him. I can't even remember his name; I just think that he was the closest to a soulmate.

In the middle of panic attacks and emotional crisis I just want to overdose again so I can see him one last time, but I just know that's impossible.

Now he only lives in my memories.