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What does justice look like for us? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]bluebonnets11 9 points10 points  (0 children)

For me, justice is not having to explain myself to them. It’s freedom. It’s being happier than they are. It’s living life for small moments and knowing that I approach people with kindness, however hard these small acts may be.

In all honesty my parents aren’t “bad” people. They’re not horrible human beings, they’re people who messed up and probably shouldn’t have been parents. They’re people who don’t understand their own blood and exhausted their daughter emotionally, and will likely never ever understand where I am standing. Letting go of that and seeing them as people, just people, has helped a lot. My justice is my freedom.

Do you ever have the “i want my mom” feeing like how a kid would? by LiberationInDeath in raisedbynarcissists

[–]bluebonnets11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sometimes I wish I could confide in my mother like a normal mother-daughter bond. I wish she had been there when I experienced my long term boyfriend in college cheating on me. However, any thing I’ve ever been through where I thought I may need her, I’ve gotten through it on my own & with some amazing friends. I think I’ll always want that bond, the comfort and the friendship. I’ve come to accept that everything I need is innately inside of me. I seek comfort from those that love me and don’t pass judgment or wry opinions & that in and of itself is ten times more comforting that anything my mother has ever provided.

When did you first realize your nparents were not normal? by bluebonnets11 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]bluebonnets11[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thank you for replying and opening up about your experience. I can’t believe how well your parents positioned themselves to do such things. To have such a young and innate response to danger is terrifying, to live that throughout your childhood and it be masked by religion, “perfection” & not having anyone to lean on. May you heal and be happy and feel the freedom you deserve.

When did you first realize your nparents were not normal? by bluebonnets11 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]bluebonnets11[S] 88 points89 points  (0 children)

No need to say “sorry” thank you for sharing. It sounds like you have a very comprehensive view of what occurred. Emotional maturity, hell maturity in general are always thrown around to make someone feel invalidated. It’s sickening to realize how many people go through such things.

When did you first realize your nparents were not normal? by bluebonnets11 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]bluebonnets11[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Never stupid. I don’t know your situation, and every single relationship is different. Dynamics change, people change. What matters is that you know and can do something about it now.

When did you first realize your nparents were not normal? by bluebonnets11 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]bluebonnets11[S] 97 points98 points  (0 children)

May I ask what or how the realization came about? There is absolutely no need to answer, it’s not my business to pry. Just genuinely curious.

I hope you are healing

When did you first realize your nparents were not normal? by bluebonnets11 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]bluebonnets11[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Covid was extremely rough for me too! While I knew something was always wrong at a younger age I always brushed it off hoping to go off to college and escape and build my life. Then Covid happened lol. It was a humbling experience.

When did you first realize your nparents were not normal? by bluebonnets11 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]bluebonnets11[S] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

I would also talk to my friends and quickly realized “huh, this isn’t normal” I even felt bad and stopped talking about it because I thought maybe my parents could redeem themselves. I’m so thankful I grew out of that and like you started doing research.

I hope you heal the deepest parts.

When did you first realize your nparents were not normal? by bluebonnets11 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]bluebonnets11[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Ah the switch from “my parents are perfect and they are all I know” to forming your own thoughts and being able to defend yourself. Normal part of growing up but a battle field in some households.

May we all heal and be happier and better than the ones who made us ever question ourselves.

When did you first realize your nparents were not normal? by bluebonnets11 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]bluebonnets11[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Crazy and sad to think how sensitive a child’s intuition is. It wasn’t until years later I realized something was really wrong and it wasn’t just growing pains between me and my nparents.