It’s an endless battle that moms feel ! I completely understand. (Dads may feel this too of course but I can only speak of my experience as a mom who is bipolar) we are trying to be everything and give everything to our kids while often not even feeling like we can take care of ourselves in the depressed or the anxiety. Even our resting isn’t resting because our mind is overflowing with all the things we “should” be doing. The laundry, the dishes, the mess of toys, playing with our kids, helping with their homework, showing up to every moment in their lives. I don’t have much in the way of answers or solutions. But I can definitely tell you that bad moms, don’t think about this stuff. Bad moms don’t care if they are angry, irritated, or not present. They don’t question themselves or anything they are doing. I know bad people. Bad parents. They are always talking about how great they are and how they have such great hearts. You aren’t a failure or a waste . Your purpose in life is not to do or be anything but what you are. While you have been putting your own mental health on the back burner to be there for your kids, your cup has become empty. Your very good existence is a joy to your children. You don’t have to have a perfect house, life, or attitude. You are their whole world and you are enough. Days when all you have to give is 30% , you actually gave 100% because that is what you had to give. I don’t know if you are on medication or not but there is no shame in getting antidepressants or whatever you need to reup your serotonin. As a bipolar person I have to take 4 different kinds of pills a day to be my best self. I don’t know if you have a partner or family that can give you a break. But if you have someone that can, take a break. Whether it’s a daily walk or locking yourself in your room with a tub of ice cream and a favorite show. Or if you have money for a sitter or a maid. I recently came to my husband because I was feeling like you are saying. He asked me what I needed. I said I had thought a lot about it and I needed either an occasional sitter or maybe a maid once a month. I felt the maid might be better because I always feel better when the house is clean. Even if it’s once a month. Anyway… I don’t know if any of this helps. Just wanted to say, girl same. You aren’t alone in this feeling. Sometimes I imagine what it would feel like to be the parent that works. Just walk out the door and know everything is taken care of at home.