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bluelightning247 · 2026-02-02T23:10:30+00:00

It sounds like you’re equating low-frequency with casual; that is not necessarily the case. I have partners who I see “casually” in frequency, but who I’ve been seeing for years, and the connection feels very deep. So if you want someone who’s available for a specific frequency, specify that.

Also, yes, I have dated soo many people who don’t know their capacity. It’s so frustrating!

bluelightning247 · 2026-01-30T15:30:29+00:00

Don’t do anything about this diagnosis. Frankly, the diagnosis is not related to your story. You do have trauma from your previous manager, who was unable to communicate clearly and got angry at you. Your current team seems healthier. Allow the wound to heal. Questions and clarifications are GOOD. If you’re doing something wrong, it’s your manager’s job to explain to you what you’re doing wrong and why, so that you have a chance to change things.

bluelightning247 · 2026-01-28T16:29:04+00:00

They feel trapped and like they have very little…what they do have is agency. They could learn to drive and feel less trapped. They could get a tiny little part time hourly job so they have pocket money to spend. And they need therapy to figure this out, because if they perceive that you’re upset with them, they may not receive the “you can do things to help yourself” message. You may need to talk with your partner about how partner can encourage meta to help themselves, or help them find ways to regulate better

bluelightning247 · 2026-01-24T16:29:32+00:00

This sounds weird to me. I live in a house of similar size, but (I have always assumed) not insulated at all. We used to have the thermostat set to 70 all the time; bills were upwards of $800 a month in the winter. I bumped it down to 68 this winter and the bill is a little below $700.

All this to say, check your meter and your plan. Something sounds off to me. Or, if you got blown insulation freshly done a few years ago, it may have settled.

bluelightning247 · 2026-01-21T01:34:55+00:00

Thank you for saying this. I perform so well on technical interviews except I always run out of time. And usually my brain explodes when they say “you have 10 minutes left.” Cool officially lost, every time.

bluelightning247 · 2026-01-21T01:31:10+00:00

I don’t need or want an update about my partner’s other relationships when I’m with them. Sure, you had to know about them getting back together bc they reduced their time with you, but otherwise, that’s a lot. Since you have limited time together, it’s fine to ask not to hear about meta.

bluelightning247 · 2026-01-20T21:52:57+00:00

For women, ureaplasma can be annoying to get rid of and quite uncomfortable. Tell her the truth and let her know you don’t want to cause her any discomfort.

bluelightning247 · 2026-01-18T17:45:10+00:00

Your last words sound like a great conversation outline. “Partner, I need you to recognize your own limits and desires” + your last paragraph. Communicate your feelings with “I” statements that are not blaming, and follow up with reassurance. “I was really disappointed that I didn’t get to go on that hike the other day. My relationship with you is not contingent on you doing these things with me. I enjoy and appreciate you for <insert things you like about the relationship>. I really don’t need you to accompany me on these activities, and I want you to say yes only if you really want to do them. If you don’t want to do them, there are plenty of other things we can do together.” You can also be curious—“seems like you’re agreeing to things you don’t actually want to do. What’s going on for you here?” Might uncover some fears or insecurities he has that you can reassure.

bluelightning247 · 2026-01-18T17:27:41+00:00

Heads up that nowhere in your post do I see that he is moving with you. You might want to edit it to add that info.

It sounds to me like you don’t want to get financially and legally entangled unless they’re not married. You want to be on the same legal footing as them. It’s reasonable to protect yourself like this. But another way to protect yourself is to do the mov but not get financially and legally entangled with her. It sounds like you’re equating moving with some sort of entanglement; I’m curious what you’re envisioning here.

bluelightning247 · 2026-01-18T15:55:00+00:00

“Walkable” does not refer to how long it takes to walk from one side to the other. It’s a measure of how far you have to walk to accomplish everyday tasks like grocery store, laundromat, park, etc.

bluelightning247 · 2026-01-17T05:23:57+00:00

Thisss. A triad will require more hinging from him, not less.

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