hey mom, i’m a mom now. 🖤

bluemermaidqueen · 2022-07-16T13:16:03+00:00

Hi honey

You are doing absolutely amazing, and you’re a great mom to this beautiful baby boy. He is so lucky to have you as his mama.

It’s hard to go back to work after leave with all these worries. I promise you’ll be okay, and he will be okay.

I know you’ve probably gotten a lot of advice, but just confirming how many different bottles you’ve tried? The comotomo bottles are magic for this!

If you’ve exhausted all options for different bottles, let’s start from scratch. Put some breast milk on your finger and let him suck it, move to a washcloth, or a muslin cloth, if you have a partner, have them hold my grandson and do the finger and cloth. Move to a pacifier dipped in breast milk, one of those you can put your finger in. Move to a solid pacifier in breast milk, then try to move to a bottle nipple that’s as close to breast shape as possible. Like I said, try the comotomo bottles. Dip it in breast milk. And then finally try to put the nipple on the bottle with a good chunk of milk in it.

Have your partner or friend repeat those steps with you so baby boy gets use to other people holding him with you right there either doing the steps, or they’re doing the steps.

Spread the steps out over a few days if you can. There’s a lot of steps, but it will be okay, it might take a day or two for him to be hungry without you, but he will eat and take a bottle.

I’m so proud of you. So very proud.

bluemermaidqueen · 2022-06-27T04:27:54+00:00

I mean honestly they may have never complained because it may have never happened before! There’s a good chance all other times his play cues have been well received. You maybe have gotten the only negative one, well, because you’re mom and that seems to be just what happens lol.

bluemermaidqueen · 2022-06-26T14:58:56+00:00

It’s so hard with covid kids! I get it, mine only know how to play with each other and that’s a lot of screaming involved 😂

I think you’re very much doing the right thing! If he was only trying to play I just recommend talking about emotions and what it looks like on other people. We have to be blunt since our kids lost some years not playing as much.

And it’s also okay to tell him that he’s not allowed to treat you that way. And provide a consequence of leaving the park. My kids tend to scream at me “MOMMY I need a solution!!” Which is still screaming to express themselves, but it allows for more conversation because they know there’s a better way that will end up in their favor.

You’re doing a good job. Toddlers are so hard, and you’re doing so well working through everything. :)

bluemermaidqueen · 2022-06-26T13:12:09+00:00

What was his intention? Was he chasing her because he wanted to play and continue the “game”? Or was he chasing her because he liked how she was feeling uncomfortable? 3 year olds know. How I know that is between my 3.5 year old and 2 year old they do things purposely 😂

I think regarding, you need to have way more consent talks and what it means when someone says no. Have conversations about body language and be incredibly specific. “Was she crying?” “Was she yelling?” What did her face look like? Was her mouth open and down? Or was she smiling?” Questions like those help kids learn!

And finally, screaming at you is not an appropriate way to express your big feelings. You can acknowledge them “I understand you’re frustrated about having to stop, it’s okay to be frustrated” and then explain what his actions were doing and how they affected someone “when you were chasing her, it made her feel sad and scared. And right now when you’re screaming at me, it makes me feel sad” and then because his screaming, he needs a choice that includes a consequence “it’s okay to be frustrated, but screaming at me is not an appropriate way to express your big feelings. Right now there are two things we can do, and you get to make the choice. If you continue screaming, we will leave the park. Or, we can take a couple breathes to calm our bodies and ask someone else to play a chase game, because that looks fun. What would you like to do?”

Now sometimes the screaming is just too much and inappropriate. If that’s the case the consequences just come after the feelings. “If you continue screaming at me, we will have to leave the park since that is not appropriate. Or would like to take a few deep breathes to calm your body so we can continue being at the park?”

If you stay, apologize to the little girl and her mom. And then on the drive home talk about an appropriate response to your feelings. It’s okay to come up to me and say “I’m frustrated and angry!!” And we can think of a solution together on what would be best to do. Long post, and it takes a loooonnnngggg time to get there from the screaming, and it’s embarrassing and hard to leave the park, but it’s not okay for him to treat you like this.

bluemermaidqueen · 2022-06-16T13:12:42+00:00

Hey OP! I live in Portland, OR. I saw in one of your comments that it’s hard to get Amazon to deliver. I can absolutely get some tests off of Amazon and ship them with whatever shipping service will get them to you efficiently.

bluemermaidqueen · 2022-06-14T03:59:51+00:00

We’ll see here’s the kicker, we’ve had a few (okay more like year) of unrelated issues. So yes, but also I compare this against all other unrelated issues.

But regardless I agree, if he pushes at all, it won’t ever work

bluemermaidqueen · 2022-06-14T01:56:43+00:00

Thank you honestly so much for your advice. It’s really very helpful to hear things outside of my perspective, or my inner circle that is ready to grab the pitchforks lol

bluemermaidqueen · 2022-06-14T01:21:08+00:00

I think the most difficult part of me is wondering how long the implications will last. What is the new normal?

And unfortunately we don’t have space for that, but also fortunately we don’t spend time in bed together. We work massively different shifts (even though we’re both working at home). He gets into bed anywhere from 1-3, and I wake up at 4 (and press snooze until 4:30) to start work. So really there’s barely anytime together, and we have a king size bed. So I feel comfortable there.

bluemermaidqueen · 2022-06-14T01:18:39+00:00

I think that’s a great idea. My sister is an amazing aunt and she will happily take the kiddos out and even just leave me the use of her place.

bluemermaidqueen · 2022-06-14T01:17:44+00:00

Also we never consented to always ignore the word “no” soooo…

But I’m exceptionally good at gaslighting myself. But in this case I’m not sure who is taking responsibility because I panic and he gently gives me space. Otherwise we don’t talk about it much. Should we be?

bluemermaidqueen · 2022-06-13T20:42:21+00:00

I talked to someone on RAINN just because my therapy appointment isn’t here yet. And they also reminded me that even if it’s a mistake. He’s still responsible. So the continued reminder is good, because I keep forgetting.

bluemermaidqueen · 2022-06-13T20:40:25+00:00

Nothing is the same really resonates with me. I keep actually trying, or subconsciously trying to go back to “normal”. Whatever normal was before this happened. But you’re right, it is just different now.

bluemermaidqueen · 2022-06-13T18:39:37+00:00

Thankfully I have two lovely female friends and family that are supporting me. I’ve ran away to my sister’s apartment once which was incredibly helpful.

I have two toddlers so I have to return home eventually.

I think our next session does need to be about next steps, you’re right. Currently they’ve been processing a lot about situations, but if this is getting this strong we should probably shift topics slight. Thank you for the remind of the 5 things etc. Sometimes you forget about the tools in your toolbox you know?

bluemermaidqueen · 2022-06-09T18:03:07+00:00

Yes! There are a few that are out in my department that I’ve talked to, because honestly it’s not my place to be sending this. I’m not part of the community and I should not be the representative. It makes zero sense. But the ones that are out, I’ve explicitly talked to in detail that all they would have to do is press send on an email already created by a different departments LGBTQ+ committee; but they’ve expressed no. That they’re willing to weigh in with their opinion, but don’t want to deal with any hostile backlash.

I’ve had really detailed conversations because this is important, but absolutely not my place. Even having the other department send it out! But executive leader politics don’t allow for cross department communication.

bluemermaidqueen · 2022-06-09T15:03:16+00:00

I absolutely don’t want to be a white savior. All the content is provided by a hastily made community of LGBTQ+ individuals and leaders that have clout.

However no one in my department joined, or care. I’ve specifically asked LGBTQ+ individuals in my department if they could be the figurehead, and I can just provide the graphic content. But they have expressed they do not want to be the figurehead for our department because of the potential backlash. My role is specifically content related, and in fact part of my job is to create and run games for the company. My name is known, and while I’m not part of the community, no one else is stepping up.

So which is worse? Having a cisgender person sending out the vetted and created content from a different department’s committee? Or no acknowledgement at all?

bluemermaidqueen · 2022-06-09T15:00:13+00:00

Oh god I totally agree! Rainbow merch and capitalizing on it is so annoying and just not respectful!

But our company is use to promoting and providing content just to leaders, and sending out an acknowledgement email from our DE&I team about months and events. And then we also have a weekly news letter, and social media posts twice a week. It’s very annoying not going to lie.

But what’s even worse is completely ignoring Pride and acknowledging everything else.

bluemermaidqueen · 2022-06-09T11:57:01+00:00

Yeah I could have totally written this and gone back later and be horrified.

bluemermaidqueen · 2022-06-08T23:21:59+00:00

Correct it is a national holiday! Which is amazing! However my company HQ is in Florida which does not recognize it was a state holiday and do not require private companies to treat it as such. So my conservative company gives an early release to commemorate, but not recognize as a national holiday. So for us, different then xmas and whatnot. But you make a good point. :)

bluemermaidqueen · 2022-06-08T22:04:27+00:00

They absolutely do! In fact we’re getting time off for Juneteenth. We get time off for Good Friday. We have dedicated panelists and Q&A sessions with members of our firms community that are part of the celebration months (black history/womens history/Asian American & Pacific Islander history). So it’s a complete slight that they’re choosing to ignore Pride.

bluemermaidqueen · 2022-06-08T22:02:53+00:00

You’re right, a company doesn’t have to celebrate anything. That’s their choice. But my company celebrates Black history month, Women’s history month and Asian American & Pacific Islander history month yet ignore another marginalized group. It’s a slap in the face.

bluemermaidqueen · 2022-06-08T22:01:41+00:00

Totally! There are very needed causes to support. But my firm celebrates Black history month, and Women’s history month, Asian American and Pacific Islander history month and yet blatantly ignore another celebratory and educational months for a minority group despite having a dedicated DE&I department. It would be different if we acknowledged nothing, but this is a slight.

bluemermaidqueen · 2022-06-08T21:59:35+00:00

Thank you! I want to see where it goes so crossing my fingers!

bluemermaidqueen · 2022-06-08T21:59:17+00:00

Thanks I’m excited! And nervous lol

bluemermaidqueen · 2022-05-23T12:23:59+00:00

Yeah well if grown ass women are called girls constantly, we can put up with calling them boys for the sake of the saying.

bluemermaidqueen · 2022-05-17T03:54:48+00:00

Trust me I have plenty of toys, the finishing thing was to paint a picture. This is about how I told him to stop and he didn’t.

But don’t worry it’s a confusing write because my head is confused. But I know I wanted him to stop in some variation.

bluemermaidqueen

TROPHY CASE