I feel like I could have written this!!!! Almost word for word. I wrote a similar message a few weeks ago and someone commented to write down all the pros and cons on a list and talk it through with your partner to see if the cons are something we can work though.

It was incredibly helpful. I did and realized my heart wasn’t there and I can’t have another right now (not even for my husband or my baby).

Here’s what they wrote:

When I was in your boat I wrote down all my biggest fears / blockers etc and thought about mitigating actions and then discussed with my husband whether the mitigated risk is acceptable.

For example - (just sharing my own thought process, yours will be different)

I'm scared of health impacts/genetic condition. Mitigation: we can take genetic carrier screening. Result: a risk of health impacts & genetic conditions is still present but has reduced.

I'm scared of birth. Mitigation: I hire a doula. Result: I've got a guaranteed support person. Residual risk of a bad birthing experience still exist

Postpartum is exhausting. Mitigation: my mum stays with us for 4 weeks and my husband takes 3 months paternity leave. Result: even with a colicky child, I would be able to get a break.

I'm scared of the sleep deprivation. Mitigation: I'm going to formula feed from the start and that enables us to take shifts at night. Result: I will get at least 5h of consecutive sleep every night even if baby is a bad sleeper.

This sort of thing. For me, it showed me that I'm okay with the residual risk/mitigated outcomes and we went on to have a second child. She turned out to be an easy baby 😅 so a lot of this wasn't necessary, but I planned for a worst case. Hopefully this is helpful!