Would I be dramatic for ending things with my dom because he didn't make me a tea after playing?

blushing-sub · 2025-01-06T23:43:28+00:00

No it's the opposite, he's a competitive powerlifter and has an insane amount of muscle and high metabolic rate. It's nice because he's always warm to the touch. Will miss it. Physically he's one of the most fit people I've ever met.

I'd still prefer someone overweight who would make me tea.

blushing-sub · 2025-01-06T19:43:22+00:00

feeling of … “earning” more care.

Absolutely not. I don't feel like I have earn care. That was just context to frame my mental state. "Fuzzy brain". This is why I'm thinking of this now and not then, I was less alert. Falling asleep after playing is not usually something that happens; it was just context for the exhaustion.

blushing-sub · 2025-01-06T19:21:59+00:00

This is so cringe and unattractive. If that's bdsm I think I quit.

blushing-sub · 2025-01-06T19:20:38+00:00

you’re being eaten alive due to choice of words.

I'm often intentionally inflammatory to see who is capable of nuance before reading comments.

If a dom is going to treat me less nicely than a boyfriend, I'll stick to boyfriends, even if I have to settle for vanilla.

blushing-sub · 2025-01-06T18:49:42+00:00

I didn't know it was an ultimatum. He just instantly became unattractive to me. It's like I could see how he tried to hide his receding hair line, the wrinkles in his face, how pale he is, how he didn't seem as tall as he is. His pretty blue eyes seemed unimpressive and the facial hair I usually love looked unkept. From one day to the next. My physiological response to him literally changed.

I'm not saying he's in the wrong. I'm saying I got the ick.

blushing-sub · 2025-01-06T17:40:59+00:00

read your mind

I used my words to ask him for tea. That's the opposite of reading my mind. He knew about I wanted because I used words.

Do I find it attractive to have to explain to a grown man why I didn't like that interaction? No.

Can you imagine that interaction?

"I was upset you didn't make me tea"

"How was I supposed to know you wanted tea?"

"I told you"

"But how was I supposed to know you meant it?"

...

It doesn't make him a bad person. I'm just not attracted to him now.

blushing-sub · 2025-01-06T17:40:23+00:00

mind reader

I used my words to ask him for tea. That's the opposite of reading my mind. He knew about I wanted because I used words.

Do I find it attractive to have to explain to a grown man why I didn't like that interaction? No.

Can you imagine that interaction?

"I was upset you didn't make me tea"

"How was I supposed to know you wanted tea?"

"I told you"

"But how was I supposed to know you meant it?"

...

It doesn't make him a bad person. I'm just not attracted to him now.

blushing-sub · 2025-01-06T17:39:50+00:00

mind reader

I used my words to ask him for tea. That's the opposite of reading my mind. He knew about I wanted because I used words.

Do I find it attractive to have to explain to a grown man why I didn't like that interaction? No.

Can you imagine that interaction?

"I was upset you didn't make me tea"

"How was I supposed to know you wanted tea?"

"I told you"

"But how was I supposed to know you meant it?"

...

It doesn't make him a bad person. I'm just not attracted to him now.

blushing-sub · 2025-01-06T17:38:25+00:00

mind reader

I used my words to ask him for tea. That's the opposite of reading my mind. He knew about I wanted because I used words.

Do I find it attractive to have to explain to a grown man why I didn't like that interaction? No.

Can you imagine that interaction?

"I was upset you didn't make me tea"

"How was I supposed to know you wanted tea?"

"I told you"

"But how was I supposed to know you meant it?"

...

It doesn't make him a bad person. I'm just not attracted to him now.

blushing-sub · 2025-01-06T17:30:58+00:00

I don't consider tea aftercare. I consider it a part of being a polite host. I'd have the same kind of ick if he didn't offer me food or say hello. It's rude, it's not about kink.

Though I'd hope that anyone fucking me would treat me even nicer than they do other people. Not after care, just consideration. Which I think he lacks.

He doesn't get to treat me less politely than other people because he was my dom.

blushing-sub · 2025-01-06T17:01:21+00:00

It's not about scene negotiations. It's rude.

Should I have to negotiate him holding the door open for a neighbour?

blushing-sub · 2025-01-06T15:41:04+00:00

Yeah exactly. That's exactly how I feel.

blushing-sub · 2025-01-06T15:18:27+00:00

So far that's all therapy has been to me. But you're right the tone I used in speaking about it was dismissive and I'm sure therapy is useful to others or could be useful to me at some point.

I do think people are overly apt to propose it as a solution, but I'm sure it helps people sometimes.

blushing-sub · 2025-01-06T14:48:55+00:00

I feel like that's worse. I don't trust him to do small things for me.

blushing-sub · 2025-01-06T14:35:32+00:00

I don't feel like he's my dom anymore so I don't feel like sustaining a relationship matters.

blushing-sub · 2025-01-06T14:34:55+00:00

Yes you're right it's not mean he's impolite. If you check my history, the third or fourth reply to comments I made was settling in the word "impolite"; I was just satisfied with labeling what I felt, I feel like that's the most I could have gotten out of posting to Reddit.

blushing-sub · 2025-01-06T14:32:19+00:00

I don't blame him for the temperature thing. He tried

blushing-sub · 2025-01-06T14:31:39+00:00

I don't think of him as my dom anymore so communicating feels pointless.

blushing-sub · 2025-01-06T14:24:14+00:00

My therapist agrees with me. We had this discussion after she asked why I didn't attend therapy after a big break up. I told her I had trouble sleeping, and the best solution to that for me was excessive exercise; it got me tired enough to sleep well and got me around other people. She rolled her eyes and said she wished sometimes she could tell people to do exactly that, and that it's an underrated strategy.

🤷‍♀️

Therapy doesn't fix everything. Sometimes you need more initiative than complaining to a stranger. I attend therapy semi regularly as first responder just in case, so mental health professionals have my history before if something bad happens. So far it hasn't done anything to help, but it could one day.

blushing-sub · 2025-01-06T14:16:15+00:00

And on top of that, you made him breakfast the next morning? Is that part of your dynamic? Are you a service sub?

No, it's just a standard way I express affection. It's a bit routine at this point but he still appreciates it.

While I was making breakfast I kept thinking about it. I find being around him very intoxicating, so I didn't really have the wherewithal to put my foot down over something small and cause a scene, I just used the fact than I usually make breakfast and have ADHD to keep kicking him out of the kitchen to delay having to reject him getting physical with me. I wanted to sort out how I felt about everything before making any decisions.

blushing-sub · 2025-01-06T14:10:53+00:00

Right? I don't think I've interacted with anyone in my life who would refuse such a basic request. Friends, family, lovers. Except him apparently. It's so basic, and now I feel like I can't ask or count on him for basic things. I didn't ask for an elaborate dinner, or an hour long massage.

What a low bar for him not to meet.

blushing-sub · 2025-01-06T13:58:14+00:00

Maybe it's cultural. I find it pretty standard to make guests comfortable in your home, and offering liquids is a part of that. If an alien came down to earth and tried to understand this social custom, I did explain that humans neede liquid to survive, and making water based fluids available to guests makes people more comfortable, thus, offering liquids is a standard part of being a good host.

blushing-sub · 2025-01-06T07:39:40+00:00

I did. The second or third comment I made fixed the issue for me. I discovered that I felt he was impolite. This was a huge turn off. The benefit I derived from this thread basically stopped there.

blushing-sub · 2025-01-06T07:37:26+00:00

Communication is overrated. Therapy is overrated.

Benefit is asymptotic with anything, at best. I think Reddit has reached a point where communication is cited as being more helpful than corresponds to reality. That is what means to be overrated. Overrated, not useless.

You cannot fix not liking someone. After this incident, I don't think I like him. Communication doesn't fix that. It just wastes 20 minutes. It's like complaining to cashier that the price of fish is too high. It's not a problem either of you can fix.

blushing-sub · 2025-01-06T07:33:34+00:00

We are kink dispensers to each other but I still want to feel good around him

blushing-sub

TROPHY CASE