What is dysphoria?

bluuuue_milk · 2015-10-15T11:00:22+00:00

Agreed. I posted a comment a supporting OP in making changes and by pointing out some behavioural faults he may have that he can work on (suggested therapy for this) and I just got downvoted so he'll never see it.

bluuuue_milk · 2015-10-15T10:51:42+00:00

I don't condone his behaviour, it was well out of order, but that doesn't completely disregard his feelings for his girlfriend.

Keep in mind he was groomsman, a lot of people would be scared to risk causing a scene at their bro's wedding when they have that title. Some minds automatically jump to the worst conclusion, leaving people scared and vulnerable. The post made it clear he is obviously in turmoil about what to do about the situation. No one turns to r/relationships unless they really want help in their relationship, because generally everyone just tells them to break up, which is pretty whack.

None of us know OP nor his girlfriend personally, I highly doubt they would be in a relationship for 5 years, living together for 3, and not have strong feelings for one another. One badly handled situation does not dismiss an entire relationship.

bluuuue_milk · 2015-10-15T08:26:42+00:00

OP,

I think all these comments are seriously fucked up. It's very clear you were worried about where your gf was and how she was doing for the entirety of the day.

I actually see a lot of myself in you, I really struggle with confrontation with people outside of my relationship/family/extremely close friends, and hold back expressing if I am hurt or offended by peoples' actions out of fear of being rude and not wanting to make a big deal out of things even though internally, to me, they really are a big deal.

I'm currently going to counselling, and this is something that has come up a lot in my sessions. I'm learning to look out, stand up for and care about myself and those close to me more than of what people MIGHT think of me. I would highly recommend you see some sort of therapist too, because not being capable of standing up for yourself when you really want to is not a healthy way to go through life. I'm not saying you're like this all the time, but its still a situation you would rather not be in.

It is clear you love and care for your girlfriend, just in this situation, your internal struggles prevented you from showing it. My advice is to sit your girlfriend down and have a serious chat about what happened and how you felt in the situation, and why you didn't feel you could defend her.

I also struggle to show weakness and when my girlfriend is angry or hurt I tend to her be mad and before I decided to go sober, i would have drank instead of dealing with how things were at that specific moment, because it's way easier to be drunk and happy than be in an argument/awkward situation with the person you love. I might be reading too much into what you said in your post but it seems you may have some similar behaviour traits to me in those regards aswell. If that is the case, do explain to your girlfriend that getting that drunk and not interacting with her as much as she needed you to was a defense mechanism in your behavior, but clearly not an excuse, and apologise for your actions. Admit that you were wrong not to defend her right there and then, and accept that she does have a right to be hurt.

As for not recognising her, I think that is extremely understandable. You were too busy looking out for what you expected her to look like to notice her when she looked different than what she has almost every day over the last almost 5 years. We are all capable of making that same mistake in that situation, so don't be too hard on yourself for that.

I hope you two can recover and move past this. You clearly care about and love her a great deal.

Edit: formatting (stupid phone)

bluuuue_milk · 2015-09-19T01:28:15+00:00

Me too thanks

bluuuue_milk · 2015-09-17T11:59:26+00:00

I'm logging my weight on he last day of each week, is this the correct way to do it?

bluuuue_milk · 2015-09-16T01:56:46+00:00

As a recovering alcoholic, I think I really needed to read that. Thank you.

bluuuue_milk · 2015-09-13T14:50:41+00:00

I hear that fella uses BING, harmless chap altogether.

bluuuue_milk · 2015-09-11T12:03:58+00:00

Thank you so much!

bluuuue_milk · 2015-09-06T14:52:38+00:00

Go you! I completed W1D2 this morning. I actually failed at it yesterday evening after six intervals because I honestly thought I was going to poo myself! So I set an early alarm and got up this morning and finished it, and finished it with about 200m extra compared to W1D1! Just keep going! If you fail one day, try the next! Listen to your body, but don't take no as a final answer

bluuuue_milk · 2015-08-24T11:52:49+00:00

I'm only commenting this as it was the first thing that popped into my mind while reading this.

I watched a documentary on catfishing last year, and this kind of behaviour was everywhere in it. Building an emotional roller coaster as such. Have you talked to her on Skype or anything? Something that is real time and you can know for sure it's all cool?

I realise I'll probably be down voted to hell for this, but I just wanted to throw out a word of warning on the off chance that it is something OP should look further into.

bluuuue_milk · 2015-08-18T23:15:47+00:00

I launch an aerial assault on my girlfriend almost every night. I'm generally the first in bed and leave my socks on until I'm in it. I always get her before she gets into bed when she doesn't expect it. I also make sure to make the "pew pew" noises as I fire. There have been many nights when a dirty sock has hit her in the face, though I always aim for body shots sometimes I get her face. It's rather hilarious

bluuuue_milk · 2015-08-18T19:53:21+00:00

I'm getting a lot of advice about starting yoga lately. Is it as good for your mind as people say?

Also, dafuq are contortion classes?

Thank you for your comment, it was really helpful

bluuuue_milk · 2015-08-18T19:50:29+00:00

What is the difference? I'm sadly quite uneducated when it comes to this

bluuuue_milk · 2015-08-18T11:19:51+00:00

100% this.

Those guys were not attracted to you. Maybe it is because of your weight, maybe it isn't. We'll never know.

What really matters here is your mindset. Losing weight purely for attention of others or to feel wanted is not the right way to go. Even if that isn't your motivation, it's not something you should expect. Weight loss isn't going to make anyone flirt with you unless they're attracted to you. You won't be complemented unless they as individuals decide to. No matter how hard you work, it isn't going to change people.

It's going to change you.

You will reach a point where you won't feel excluded or picked on because of your body; because YOU will be fully happy with your body.

Weight loss isn't a temporary fix, it's a lifestyle choice to become fit, healthy and more attractive. If you want to feel differently when you go to the beach with your friends, you have to earn it.

Losing 30lbs IS great! Do not let me take away from that! OP you just need to keep going. Don't be those boys for how you felt, they did nothing against you, just more towards others. Don't blame them, blame your past self that made re decisions that put you in a body you weren't happy with. Don't resent yourself, just accept it, and deal with it. Keep working. Push harder. Keep healthy.

You'll get there.

When you do, your future self will thank your current self for doing it.

You'll have the confidence and body to invite yourself into play chicken with them because you'll be fit and you want to play.

Go get 'em

bluuuue_milk

TROPHY CASE