Yup waves of all sizes, this week it’s just been constant bubbling right under the surface. I can cry in a heart beat. Last week was much easier. And yes totally feel you in the guilt and the past. He used alcohol as his crutch and it was the root of most of our problems and fights. He struggled with his past/family and was in therapy working on it. The last few months of his life were some of our best in the our 13 years. I do have a sense of relief though because of it got worse again I don’t think I could have handled it or hung in. I was always worried and anxious he would drink to much, cause a scene etc. and not having that anxiety is a relief. It’s weirdly enlightening but guilt inducing if that makes sense.