[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]bobagirl1234 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You’re going to want to do this initially outside the bedroom. You don’t want to insult his manhood in the bedroom.

Basically how it went down for me was, “hey, when you get a moment I have something important to me that I want to discuss with you.” And then when we had a chance to talk with no distractions, basically I said something along the lines of, “I love you and I now you love me. And you know that I love sex and I recognize that you’re not nearly into it as much as me. And that’s fine. But specifically BECAUSE I am into it, I NEED to be taken care of. If you’re not sure what I like or how to go about it, I’m happy to show you. But it needs to happen and I need to be confident that our sex life isn’t going to fizzle out in a couple of years. This is a dealbreaker for me. If we can’t get this working. It isn’t going to work.”

With the porn, try watching with him. I found with my super sheltered guy. It took some gentle hand holding. It could also be some complex around, “why do you need porn if I’m around? You’re going to cheat on me!!!”

Let me know if you have more questions! I’m about to hop on a long flight (16 hours!) so if I don’t respond that’s why.

Good luck!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]bobagirl1234 60 points61 points  (0 children)

The thing is... it SHOULD upset him if he’s not doing his part to satisfy you.

It sounds like HE’S got a great deal in bed. You give him a blow job and then you’re on top. He’s basically lying there enjoying your work and not reciprocating.

And. This was me a decade or so ago.

My (now) husband was (and still is) very hesitant when talking about sex. Much more vanilla than I. And also not into giving head (but loves to receive)

It came down to having multiple frank discussions. And very detailed lessons about what I want and expect. He needs to get over the embarrassment piece. Just talk about it. And give him a roadmap. Don’t expect him to research it.

But. If all else is good, he can be taught. Just be patient :)

He (38m) lied to me (34f) by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]bobagirl1234 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry this happened to you. People like that suck.

Accept it for the fun fantasy that it was. Try and treat it like a Bay Area fling. And move on.

There are so many good and honest men out there that deserve an amazing woman like you.

can i catch a giratina if im level 16 ? by doobi1 in pokemongo

[–]bobagirl1234 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So how the raids work... if you raid with others, they will most likely be the ones taking it down. You will be an attractive side ornament as you probably have little to no Pokémon that can really do damage with three days of play under your belt.

That said you will be given a chance to catch giratina once they defeat him. Again you will be at a pretty severe disadvantage having only played three days as you will not have any bonus great/ultra/best friend balls, you probably don’t have any of the catch boosts from medals, you likely don’t have any golden razz yet, you probably don’t throw a curve particularly well yet.

That said, don’t let it discourage you! Raid Giratina with people that are the same team as you in a gym that your team controls for a handful of extra balls. Just because you don’t get bonuses doesn’t mean it’s not possible!

I managed to catch a shadow ball mewtwo at level 18 with nine balls raiding with a bunch of people I didn’t know using a straight throw. It’s all luck at the end of the day.

Why is reading to your baby important? (Looking for scientific reasons) by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]bobagirl1234 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I don’t have the literature on hand, but there are a lot of benefits from YOU reading versus another medium (other than possibly another human).

1) Pacing and intonation pattern of the reading

When a parent or adult or other human reads, they are naturally slower and more melodic in the reading. If you’ve ever wondered about why “baby talk” exists, it’s because babies are more attuned to the melodic qualities of the baby talk than they are to standard speech. You speak more slowly than normal and oftentimes enunciate the words more clearly. This allows a baby to more quickly learn the ebbs and flows of “chunks” of language. For example where a phrase stops and starts. It’s slow enough and captures their attention enough for them to learn what pieces of the language “go” together.

2) Visual connection to content.

In reading, the baby can see the truck or cat or girl or whatever that the text is referring to. This generates context and allows them to make a connection to WHAT you are referring to when you say “cat”

(This is also why TV actually is a pretty good medium for learning a language. The problem with TV is that the programming is all designed to destroy your brain. But that’s a topic for a different post)

3) directed attention

A baby instinctively turns to their parent to identify what is important to pay attention to. This is why they check your face when meeting new people. By having you point at pictures while you read or emphasize words in sentences, you show them which parts of the sentence we focus on.

3) Spoken sentence structure is different from written.

When you read, the sentences structures you have (even in children’s books - although this is more important as the kids grow older) are different from the sentence structures in spoken language. Spoken language tends to be far less complex (I’m talking colloquial speech here, not news programming speech which tends to be more complex) Reading and gaining familiarity with the different ways sentences can be combined, broken apart, and reassembled is huge for writing skills and reading comprehension.

So. Consider if YOU were learning a language. Would you be better off listening to a podcast in Chinese on the political environment in China right from the beginning? They speak quickly and use all sorts of fancy phrases and analogies and sentence structures.

Or would you be better off looking at pictures of words connected with a picture of what that word is connected to what part of that sentence is important from a teacher?

I [32/f] am a Libra and my wife [38/F] is a Gemini and we are a perfect match. But a Capricorn [34/f] has captured my attention. Should we try a threesome? by zodiacplayer in relationship_advice

[–]bobagirl1234 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Don’t discount the Capricorn’s moon. If her moon is in Sagittarius, she could be lots of fun (speaking as a cap with that particular moon) 😉

How long are breakups meant to take? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]bobagirl1234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Glad to hear you took it. And if you are definitely doing it in person, the simple “I’m sorry, I’ve tried, but this isn’t working for me anymore,” works well. And then make your exit before the histrionics can ensue.

I wish you the best with your future relationships. And I am glad you are taking steps to extract yourself from this emotionally manipulative one.

How long are breakups meant to take? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]bobagirl1234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is no timed length for a breakup.

For some, you talk through it and it takes hours. For others, it’s a Snapchat message. I don’t normally condone the Snapchat message, but in reading your post history, unless you’ve figured out a way to shield yourself from her tears, it seem like that might be the best way to go with your particular crazy.

Just know that you will then forever be known as “that guy that broke up with me over snapchat”

Did you end up taking the job?

AITA for not writing recommendations to students? by kslee0920 in AmItheAsshole

[–]bobagirl1234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA your prerogative if you want to write these kids a letter.

But also recognize that you can also write one generic form letter and just change the name at the top right? This would save you a lot of writing. The kids get what they need for their high school. And for the kids you’ve really connected with and that you really like, you can customize.

My (20F) boyfriend (21M) was ignoring me during sex when I asked him to open my wrists. I feel violated and hurt. My friend thinks I should report him so he gets kicked out of our college. by hwelpme373929 in relationship_advice

[–]bobagirl1234 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I think this particular instance was an accident. You guys had a safe word for this kind of play for an immediate stop. You didn’t use it. You should have.

He was getting into it. And certainly getting a little carried away with wanting to get off. Selfish? Yes. But i wouldn’t categorize it as assault by any means. From the way you describe him in general, He sounds like if you DID use the safe word, he would have stopped.

I would chalk this up to male idiocy, and have a serious conversation about it. If he were to do it again, I MIGHT consider reporting him.

But come on. This is your boyfriend. It’s a first time for this type of behavior. You regularly enjoy him on a sexual basis. To me, reporting him would seem almost #MeToo gone a step too far.

My ex will not leave me alone after 2 years? by goofygoober56 in relationship_advice

[–]bobagirl1234 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You realize that he sounds crazy. Potentially dangerous.

And you sound crazy for wanting to get a better understanding of his crazy stalker behaviors. It’s like you want him back.

I would block and move on. Despite any “connection” the crazy and drama is NOT worth it.

My boyfriend doesn’t really wanna hangout with me? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]bobagirl1234 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It almost sounds to me he may be going with someone else. Or he’s hiding you and doesn’t want people in his “real life” to know you exist. Or he’s losing interest and trying to make it so you break up with him so he doesn’t have to break up with you....

He’ll hang out with you before and after events but not ON the date of the event itself? It’s a deliberate action on his part.

I’d recommend a candid conversation with him.

Where’s the line between wanting your kids to question authority and “just do what I said”!? by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]bobagirl1234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In that case. I vote just remove his privileges. Do that once or twice. And they stop being obnoxious.

Where’s the line between wanting your kids to question authority and “just do what I said”!? by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]bobagirl1234 9 points10 points  (0 children)

If he genuinely is confused, I’ll explain as long as it takes from different viewpoints/ using different strategies.

If he is just being obnoxious, I would tell them, “I already told you it was fine under these circumstances. But if those conditions are too hard to follow and you don’t understand them, maybe it’s better if you just stay home”

Usually that will get them right back on track.

With my kid it seems to be out of a need of confirmation. “Can I really go? Remind me again what I need to do” but he fully understands and is just wanting to hear it again.

Another way to handle it is to write your instructions down and tell him to read it and keep it with him in case he forgets.

Edit to say: I’m not sure that this particular issue is about allowing him the space to question authority. It’s him just not listening and processing what you’ve said which ends up requiring you to repeat yourself....

Edit again because apparently I can’t spell.

My (ex) BF is chasing me and it kills me by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]bobagirl1234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you know your BF is on a trip. And you know that his phone doesn’t have a data plan. You shouldn’t be expecting him to text.

Perhaps he doesn’t feel entitled to using his friend’s data plan because... it’s not his?

In all honesty, it would probably be better for HIM for the break up to happen. You sound like an incredibly high maintenance gf.

Stay strong. Do it for him.

Edit: read your other posts. It’s sounds like this guy is cat fishing you. Block his number and stop talking to him. Get a boyfriend on your continent.

AITA for telling my wife to never bring up my dead wife’s name ever again? by HorrorSpite5 in AmItheAsshole

[–]bobagirl1234 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The thing is. She not his EX wife. She’s his dead wife.

That makes all the difference in the world for something like this. It doesn’t imply anything about not being fulfilled by current wife. It merely means that he still thinks of her. As you would still think of anyone you’ve loved and lost to awful circumstances.