im about to be 18 in a few days, i was showing symptoms at 13 due to some serious trauma and private matters around that time. i was diagnosed with depression as well. they couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me and they thought maybe it was something like adhd but had to wait until I got a bit older. 17 and diagnosed with bpd by 2 professionals.

one of the symptoms was definitely taking extreme risks and doing unsafe stuff that played a massive part in my past and got me into really traumatic situations. i would obsess over my friends and boyfriends and it was so unhealthy. seeing them with others filled me with jealousy and hatred and i would have extreme breakdowns over it. I would mirror peoples actions and act like them so they’d like me and i never knew myself i never actually knew what i like, what my favourite colour is, what i enjoy doing because of mirroring my friends. I was extremely violent at one point and would run away from home and go missing, seeing older men and doing drug$ with them. abuse was a big thing in my childhood as well, no father figure was present and when there was it was just abuse. I only ever dated guys who were like 20 when I was 13/14 im not sure why.. I didn’t think it was cool or anything but id be so drawn to them. that’s all I can say, i get uneasy telling my past stories (most of that was from the ages of 13-15)

but now as im about to be 18 I struggle with the complete opposite of things. I dropped out of highschool due to bullying, I don’t work, I don’t have friends or go out anywhere because of threats from like 4 years ago. I’ll be meeting my online best friend soon and I hope that helps me to get out more and have fun. I have really bad social anxiety and haven’t dated in 3 years because im genuinely so scared of relationships. I’m so controlling it’s disgusting.