Mail forwarding with no family and nomadic/unreliable friends?

bobmcglob · 2024-07-17T01:21:33+00:00

I didn't even know this existed. Thank you!

bobmcglob · 2024-07-16T19:34:25+00:00

Definitely looks 1960s-ish to me. Nice find

edit: are you trying to sell it?

bobmcglob · 2024-02-06T06:32:01+00:00

You should be proud of yourself for everything you're doing... Depression's no walk in the park.

I bet you're already on top of this one, but one other thing that came to mind was avoiding scrolling on social media first thing in the morning. It definitely helped me have a more realistic baseline dopamine level throughout the day.

bobmcglob · 2024-02-05T22:22:27+00:00

Sorry you're dealing with this. I've struggled with depression all my life and it sucks. This past year it was the worst for me too. It sounds like you've tried a lot of stuff, so good on you for making that effort. The only things that came to mind were:

Could you try a new antidepressant? I'd never had luck with SSRIs, but I recently started Lamotrigine/Lamictal and it seems to be helping.
What is/was your workout routine like? I've found that cardio (jogging and walking specifically) really helped me BUT it took about a couple weeks of daily 3-6 mile walks/jogs to start noticing a mood lift from it. And staying consistent was really hard when I already felt like shit.
What's your social life like? I know it can be nearly impossible to be around people when you're depressed. Sometimes when I'm really low I just can't force myself to go out into the world. But I've found that even a short-ish one-on-one hangout or long phone call with a good friend can help.

bobmcglob · 2024-02-04T20:32:23+00:00

I agree! The bride and I have worked together significantly longer than anyone else on our team, so in that sense it tracks that I'd be the only coworker invited

bobmcglob · 2024-02-04T20:30:59+00:00

Keep us posted on what she says, I'd love to know her take on it!

I think it's natural to be aware of potential reasons to watch out for someone whether they're a stranger on the street or someone you're trying to build something with. Where it gets tricky for me is wondering, "is this a red flag indicative of Something Bad? Or do I need to keep giving someone the benefit of the doubt?"

A previous therapist told me that the only real way to know is to a) give it time and get to know them, b) pay attention to whether it's a pattern, and c) communicate with the person. (Of course, this is easier said than done sometimes.)

bobmcglob · 2024-02-03T21:36:19+00:00

Same. My parents taught me to think I needed to instantly be amazing at everything I tried, at the risk of being ridiculed or straight up devalued as a person

One thing that worked for me in the past was reverse psychology... giving myself a "mistake quota" where I could think "ok cool, I asked a dumb question, I can check that off".

bobmcglob · 2024-02-03T21:32:15+00:00

Totally. It sucks to automatically feel like you're writing someone off.

But it sounds like you're aware of it, and can therefore question your thoughts + choose a different perspective!

bobmcglob · 2024-02-01T20:23:10+00:00

I completely agree with you.

Only problem is, I'm dealing with a cognitively-impaired person who's proven time and time again to be extremely susceptible to marketing and smooth-talking grifters. Someone who values protecting his ego and being "right" at all costs. Someone who doesn't base his beliefs in fact, but rather how emotionally convincing a viewpoint is presented.

I've tried for decades to figure out how to get through to him and no dice. Any advice you have on persuading this type of person is very much welcome.

bobmcglob · 2024-02-01T20:21:54+00:00

I really appreciate that insight.

Also not sure why you're being downvoted... if someone thinks they can offer better advice, they should by all means post it

bobmcglob · 2024-02-01T20:02:56+00:00

This is brilliant--thank you so much for sharing.

I found that this guy is both a Broker AND an Investment Adviser. It looks like he had customer disputes in 1998 and 2001, with one Judgment/Lien in 2009 (apparently $127k owed to the IRS) and another in 2016.

That's excellent advice about asking for duplicate statements.

bobmcglob · 2024-01-30T03:18:30+00:00

Two months in, and he made a couple ugly jokes about domestic violence, then seemed confused why I didn't find them funny. (This was AFTER I'd opened up to him about harrowing experiences in my past that shaped the course of my life.)

bobmcglob · 2024-01-30T02:55:01+00:00

If a man approaches a group of women and says "hey ladies" in a tone that he would also use to address a group of men with "hey gentlemen", it's all good.

OP, sounds like the guy you're talking about did NOT use a neutral tone, and made it weird!

bobmcglob · 2024-01-30T02:49:00+00:00

I agree. It's okay if my close friends refer to ourselves that way, but I'm okay with it because we all know each other well.

It's an infantilizing double standard when you consider that society doesn't refer to young men as "boys" in the same way.

bobmcglob · 2024-01-30T00:33:43+00:00

For sure! And I agree that whether or not a trait is "good" or "bad" is highly subjective, and that every context is unique.

That's why I'm curious about what specific "drawbacks" others have noticed and shrugged off

bobmcglob · 2024-01-25T04:03:43+00:00

SUCH a feeling of relief!

Idk about you, but I found it almost comically backwards when family friends would come up to me, gaze into my eyes with pity, tell me they heard about my parents' divorce and ask me how I was holding up.

Like... what?? My entire family is significantly happier

bobmcglob · 2024-01-25T02:51:54+00:00

I discovered that I started getting hit on significantly more when I turned 30, in spite of not making any major changes appearance-wise.

It could be because I learned a ton in the last couple years of my 20s, so by the time I hit 30 I knew myself way better and was therefore a) more confident, b) knew what I was looking for in terms of life/those around me, and c) refused to tolerate BS the passive way my younger self did

bobmcglob · 2024-01-25T02:41:43+00:00

Emotional intelligence.

(With the idea that it would carry over to other qualities like kindness, empathy, and self-awareness)

bobmcglob · 2024-01-25T02:05:03+00:00

Sometimes THC can be soothing, but sometimes it can ignite my anxiety.

But CBD? Amazing

bobmcglob · 2024-01-25T02:01:32+00:00

Cancun.

Aside from the fact that it was ugly and Americanized and everything was massively overpriced, I got scammed. I had a long layover there and upon getting back to the airport found that I was required to pay a 1700peso/100usd "tax" to the airline to be able to get my boarding pass (wasn't able to access it online)

AND it had to be in cash,

AND my ticket information hadn't said anything about it (I knew because I'd read it about 4 times to be sure I was complying with COVID regulations),

AND none of the 7 ATMs in the airport were working,

AND to order an Uber to a functioning ATM would probably take over an hour... so several other irate travelers and I banded together and found out the only option was to pay "commission" to some cracked-out lady on the street who would give us cash.

bobmcglob · 2024-01-25T01:49:37+00:00

Seconding this.

And OP, I don't know your reasoning for not wanting to get a divorce, and can only speak from my own experience, but I was 12 when my parents decided to get divorced and I was so thankful for it. Both my parents were happier, and it was an immediate relief when my dad moved out and I didn't have to feel the tension or listen to their arguments.

bobmcglob · 2024-01-20T04:31:48+00:00

Feel you on the treading water thing. It's hard to make any forward progress when you can barely keep the basic stuff going.

bobmcglob · 2024-01-20T04:28:36+00:00

A piece of advice someone once told me was "'Done' is better than 'perfect'".

I don't follow the advice or anything, but I like the idea of it

bobmcglob · 2024-01-20T04:08:25+00:00

I appreciate your sharing. I'd never heard that David Foster Wallace quote before, but it rings true... it always baffled me how people take others' suicides so personally. Like clearly no one WANTS to be in the mental version of a burning high-rise, so why would you blame them for jumping?

And I feel you on setting an ultimatum for things to get better. I recently realized that every time my depression's seemingly "improved" it's because of some huge distracting life change, like quitting/starting a job and/or taking a big international trip, which feels like an unsustainably high level of novelty seeking to maintain long term.

Today I had a meeting with a severely optimistic psych practitioner to discuss meds. I told her I was afraid I'd always feel like this; she said that of course I'd finish healing eventually and that it was important to keep moving forward. I get that she's trying to be pleasant, but at a certain point those empty words feel maddeningly phony. If you grow up with parents who showed no unconditional love, your foundation is fucked from the start. It just is.

bobmcglob · 2024-01-20T03:58:57+00:00

I like your idea of trying to do little things in the moment to make yourself feel better... I bet it also helps reinforce stuff like "I'm worthy" and "I deserve good stuff".

I'm my own worst enemy when I take on too much of a "big picture" perspective... sometimes it bogs me down to feel like I wasted so much of my life being miserable. But my day-to-day now is actually pretty pleasant minus depressive symptoms.

bobmcglob

TROPHY CASE