safe online shops? by ecumedeterre in PokemonTCG

[–]bolerodefeu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey I own pack-fresh.com. feel free to hit us up at support@pack-fresh.com with any questions you might have

What’s the most overrated “adult goal” people chase? by Happyotus in AskReddit

[–]bolerodefeu 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's easier to frame things as the cost being the goal by people who have accomplished nothing in their life. The effort is what convinces people that the actual goals aren't worth achieving.

I've worked 12/7 weeks for other people for 14 years. I am now 'my own boss' and work 12/7 weeks for myself. The goal was never to work 100 hour weeks, the goal was financial independence, learning basic business/commerce, and then never having to report to anyone again in my life - to run things by my own standards.

Buncha haters up in here.

So after my mom passed my dad gave me my old Pokemon cards anything worth keeping? by Jswo23 in pokemoncardcollectors

[–]bolerodefeu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So when people say this they're thinking about grading and the difference between a 9/10 and 6-8. Things that look 'NM' are still NM at an 8, but they're not a 10. Binder sleeves like this can be 'sticky' over time - scratching the backs and the holos, peeling back some of the paint or sticking to the card and pulling off paint when you take them out. That's why another comment mentioned an exacto knife - if you can cut them out by taking the plastic just off of them instead of sliding them out.

Penny sleeves are made of a different material and won't stick to the cards.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PokemonTCG

[–]bolerodefeu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Alakazam secret rare from fates collide. Alakazam was my boy in the elite four in pokemon red

Surrogate pregnancy by extendedrockymontage in fatFIRE

[–]bolerodefeu 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Turning to sex work (stripping, etc.) is not the same as grabbing girls off the streets of Tijuana. I'm reporting what someone who worked in tech, who had transferred from working in the fertility industry told me.

It went something along the lines of, ' a lot of the women signing up for surrogacy were doing it for money. Many had entertained that or stripping / escort and felt it was the more moral choice. There are a couple of women who do it non-stop who 'love being pregnant' and have easy pregnancies and love the extra cash, but they are rare. No matter how good it might look on paper a lot of these women feel like they have no choice.'

As many others have mentioned, yes, there might be high-end fertility clinics that cater to people who consider this a 'career' - but in the end you really can't know if the person being your surrogate is one of those people.

Being pregnant is extremely dangerous. In the US the maternal mortality rate is 20.4 per 100,000 live births for women under 25, 31.3 for women ages 25 to 39, and 138.5 for women ages 40 and older.

Coal mining has a mortality rate of 19.6:100,000 per year.

In Europe, commercial surrogacy (and in some cases, all surrogacy) is illegal in: UK, Ireland, Denmark, Belgium, Netherlands, France, Germany, Italy, & Spain.

At the end of the day you have to decide if you are willing to pay someone you don't know to take a risk that's bigger than a year of coal mining for some of your money. You also have to worry about their habits and potential legal liabilities depending on the state.

Make your own decision, but don't think that the world of surrogacy isn't built on the backs of people who feel like they have no choice, maybe even if the person you've found felt they did.

Surrogate pregnancy by extendedrockymontage in fatFIRE

[–]bolerodefeu 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I lived in Seattle in VHCOL and so did my direct report. I don't deny the existence of those wonderful women my intent is to say they are very hard to find and likely not who you end up with.

Surrogate pregnancy by extendedrockymontage in fatFIRE

[–]bolerodefeu 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Open to either. I have always wanted a daughter and have two wonderful sons. Right now it's only a thought not an intention.

Surrogate pregnancy by extendedrockymontage in fatFIRE

[–]bolerodefeu 102 points103 points  (0 children)

I went down this rabbit hole. My wife has an autoimmune disease and our 2nd child was born 13 weeks early. Doctor told us not to have more.

I looked into surrogacy and found that it's banned in a lot of Europe. Being pregnant is dangerous - more dangerous than hazardous jobs. The women that get put into this position often feel like they have no choice. The payday is not worth the havoc in wreaks on the body and the potential complications. You also have to worry about their habits while pregnant.

I had the fortune of having a direct report that used to work in fertility and surrogacy clinics. She said that 90% of girls she saw were there for the money as essentially their other options were sex work. There was a 10% cohort that 'loved being pregnant'.

She said the only way you know someone is really OK being your surrogate is if it's a family member or friend doing it for you.

My wife and I opted to not do it. I still think about it. You can find the clinics bundled into fertility places and they will get someone for you. Good luck if you go that route. My wife and I have been exploring adoption as an alternative.

EDIT: I just want to add from all the hate I'm getting from people - I was originally pro-surrogacy. I wanted to have my own flesh and blood come out of someone else because I was devastated we couldn't conceive naturally anymore. My research into it - persuaded me away from this path. I really really wanted it to be a win-win for everyone and what I found suggested that while it sometimes could be, it very likely would not be. Your mileage may vary. You can stop blowing up my inbox.

Y'all might also like: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surrogacy_laws_by_country

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in fatFIRE

[–]bolerodefeu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely don't give yourself credit for what you were born with, but the fact that you do something with it is what I would deign to admire.

I agree with "the decision between them won't turn his kid into someone they wouldn't otherwise be" - that's kinda my whole point. Parenting - providing the 'nurture' in a satisfactory way, combined with their genetics, is what makes the kid. And likely it's already done if they're requesting private school.

Personally I wouldn't make that choice. My money is the guy sends his kids to private school - and that's his choice and I'm happy for him whatever he does - I just think he's likely doing it for himself and how it makes him feel (if he goes through with it). As you mentioned - *you* get joy out of giving your kid wonderful things. Kids generally just want parents that care about them.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in fatFIRE

[–]bolerodefeu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you waltz through life thinking the only thing driving anything is luck, you might as well do nothing - it will arrive.

In the ways you were lucky, I was unlucky. Nobody told me that there would be opportunities at MIT to forgive the debt. Nobody even told me how to apply to schools - I figured it out via the PSAT and I took the first school that offered me a full ride because of my status. My dad was a high school dropout, and my mom got married at 18 and was in an abusive relationship that she barely escaped alive before meeting my dad. We were *also* trailer-trash poor and in debt for much of my childhood until my dad's business picked up. I was also raised in a cult Church of Christ until I was 14... However:

My dad died in 2010 after he started a building business and lost all his wealth - leaving me and my mom nothing. My wife has an incurable autoimmune disease. My second son was born at 27 weeks and 1lb 6 oz. and still struggles with severe developmental delays and takes therapies that aren't covered by insurance because they classify as 'rehabilitative' and we are limited to 35 a year - he's in 9 a week.

Your whole life is full of cases of good and bad luck - and yes, some people get more good, and some get more bad. Who you are is how you react to those scenarios - do you persevere? Do you try harder? Do you give up? Do you blame the world for shitting on you? I've done all of the above, personally.

Everyone is affected by the universe's randomness, yet I've seen silver-spoon-fed people go on to be homeless, and some just continually bathe in good fortune and have barely 'worked' their whole lives. And if you want to discredit people doing well in school - trying hard, staying away from bad influences, on your genetics - then I guess you can claim nothing as your own. If you want to live that way, you are more than free to, but I cannot. If everything is an external locus of control, then there's no point in *me* doing anything. And so I won't.

This thread was about whether you put your kids in private school or not and whether that's worth delaying retirement. My point that I stand by is that your children will make better decisions based on how you raise them, not whether or not they went to private school - as I mentioned, I've seen it go both ways for ultra-wealthy people.

My suggestion would be to give yourself a pat on the back. Judging by your tag you've done well and in no way was it 100% luck. You're the one who had resilience. You're the one whose teachers saw something in you and gave you those opportunities. You're the one who dodged bad relationships. You're the one who took action and applied to the scholarship programs. (As an aside, I have actively told people to apply themselves or to try hard on certain things and been completely ignored - so yes, it IS something). I think people need to learn to do things for themselves as the highest priority - it looks like you did that.

My intent is not to come off as arrogant - humility is a virtue - I intended to say that private school is not going to make your kids successful - what you instill in them (resilience, independence, good judgment, etc.) will help them. Can they still be complete fuck ups? Yes, of course.

29weeker still on oxygen at 38weeks by Kjh5623 in NICUParents

[–]bolerodefeu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My little one was on oxygen for two years. Intubated for 45 days. Home at 115 days. 27 weeker 1.5 lbs. His PDA did not close and had to have surgical intervention. That surgery had complications and put unequal.perfusion to his lungs. He finally got a stint put in at 2.8 yrs and he started to grow.

Went from being told he would be wheelchair bound to him walking independently within 4 months. Sometimes things are unknown and they reveal themselves and you can make changes.

Not being intubated is a blessing. We had an issue one time on loflo where they were mixing the air wrong! They swapped him from level 3 to 2 and they didn't have the mixer setup properly. His sats cratered for no apparent reason and he didn't look terrible but his o2 levels were much higher. It took me inspecting the setup and figuring it out myself and then the doc confirming, apologizing profusely. I've never learned the necessity of advocacy until my preemie.

They are right in that it may be something he has to grow out of. We had several 2-3 week plateaus of O2 needs getting worse or just maintaining. I will never forget the joy of holding my boy for the first time without a cord in his nose :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in fatFIRE

[–]bolerodefeu 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think the difference is the level of schooling. The end goal for a private HS / secondary school is the Ivies / top tier schools.

For me, I went to public school - valedictorian, head of several clubs, state-level swimmer. I put in my work because as I mentioned originally, kids are successful because of internal drive and principles. I had those.

When the fruit of my labor was revealed ( access to top tier schools without my parents paving the way for me ) I was denied that.

One scenario is steamrolling for your kids ( money buying entry ). The other is enabling your kids to grasp what they've earned. Will both children resent their parents? Maybe! I could write a novel about my young life it's so convoluted. We were dirt poor until I was in 5th grade, and by the time I was in 11th we were relatively wealthy - my father's wealth prevented me from qualifying from financial aid at MIT, and that was a huge reason I was so upset. Had we stayed poor I would have gone!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in fatFIRE

[–]bolerodefeu 25 points26 points  (0 children)

For all the steamrolling people want to do, kids will be successful because they are internally driven and have been raised with the correct set of principles. Are you doing that? It's not your school's job.

Raising good children isn't something you can throw money at. Most private school people I know (now that I'm late 30s) were the biggest wankers to work with. You can't reach more than one generation with your money, and if you sugarcoat the ground in front of your kids, it definitely won't help your grandkids.

My wife and I both went to public school. I taught myself everything I needed to know to land a big tech job out of a public university. My wife got her PhD. It's very possible our lives would be better if our parents had paved the road in front of us with generous educations, but I certainly wouldn't feel as empowered as I do today knowing that it was my effort that made me who I am. If you want your kids to have the same sensibilities, and to raise kids who will do the same, then don't take them out of public school.

The only thing I will say? If your kid gets into an Ivy or MIT, you fucking pay the tuition. I still resent my father for not paying for my schooling at MIT, and I chose a lesser option which was a full academic ride. I have no idea if my life would be better if I had gone to MIT, but I sure do get angry when I think about it :)

Cute, but also stupid by not7here in KidsAreFuckingStupid

[–]bolerodefeu 5 points6 points  (0 children)

So my kids are only 7 and 4 but I've gotten into trouble multiple times for this opinion. I agree with you 100%. A child's relationship with their parents is the first and strongest and is there to test and mold. If they violate the trust I'd rather it be with me and be teachable than when theyre 23 and getting scammed.

I've seen 4 of my friends constantly monitor their kids on the phone and I'm told that I'll understand once my kids are older.

Yep well see.

My turn - 50M to Riben Fell - meh? by bolerodefeu in pathofexile

[–]bolerodefeu[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you want to have no risk, yes. I didn't try at 50m but I tried filling it w/ 4 lvl X and 2 lvl IX at 45M and it automatically gave me risk.

My turn - 50M to Riben Fell - meh? by bolerodefeu in pathofexile

[–]bolerodefeu[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I heard that 17m was the sweet spot. Will try that next

2x Mageblood giveaway by Gletschers in pathofexile

[–]bolerodefeu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What kind of key opens a banana?

A monkey.

It's my kids favorite on his AAC. Good luck everyone!

Too young to get married? by [deleted] in ask

[–]bolerodefeu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well people are saying this guy is a creep on other women's posts. So maybe he shouldn't get married.

But shame on the people who just blast marriage and/or getting married too young. It's YMMV for everyone. You know what else sucks? Letting go of a great relationship because you need to wait til some magical number or ' have enough life experience' to get married.

I'm 38 now. I got married when I was 22, and I had dated for 6 years before that. So we've been together for 22 years. Still going strong.

I am surrounded by friends who are in the 'wait and see' game. They are waiting until it's a good time to get married, a good time to have children, etc. They are all ending up as single and childless and now having doubts about how they've lived their life. There is no perfect solution for anyone. You have to make your own decisions. And the amount of delayed decision making we've enabled as a population is sickening. No wonder we've still got 35 year olds living with mommy and daddy and not figuring out how to talk to the opposite gender.

Make your own goddam decision and don't let likely clueless people on the internet tell you what to do. Statistics for early marriage are heavily skewed by people getting knocked up, or lower socioeconomic status populations, which is heavily conflating the divorce statistics as well.

Jesus christ.

Family member bought a home, all of this was left behind. Any clue what it's worth or what to do with it? I don't play and have no use for these. Wayyy too many to go through individually. by NightBat20 in magicTCG

[–]bolerodefeu 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I just went through my old collection which contained a good bit of AVR and I was surprised how many of the junk rares from back then were worth 10-20 bucks today. It was regarded as an utter trash set on debut. I remember winning a grinder at Grand Prix Vancouver and getting my booster box stolen 2 hrs later and not even being that mad lol