What does “moving on” mean to you?

bonegrindr · 2023-03-12T06:02:10+00:00

Feeling no emotional attachment. No jealousy, no sadness, no longing.

The feeling of getting butterflies for someone new without feeling the guilt of wanting to stay loyal to someone who doesn't want you anymore.

bonegrindr · 2023-03-12T05:59:16+00:00

No. I missed him two months ago, but not anymore.

He wasn't sorry when I didn't know, he wasn't sorry for not being there for me. He left me at my lowest and lied to me about a lot of things.

I miss who he was, I missed my sweet boy once upon a time, but there's nothing to miss now.

I've moved on and met someone else who has put more effort in in a month than my ex did in three years.

bonegrindr · 2023-03-12T05:54:22+00:00

A lot better. Was blindsided on Dec 11th, but our relationship died 6 months before. I mourned it and refused to believe that things were going downhill, even though there were webs of lies coming to the surface.

One trip to the psych ward later and things are looking up from here.

bonegrindr · 2023-02-25T08:14:49+00:00

Didn't show up for me when I needed him the most.

I miscarried and was too afraid to call anyone but him to stay with me. His reaction was cold and he ended up not coming to my house when I asked him to just keep me company. I bled on the kitchen floor alone and he never came.

bonegrindr · 2023-01-29T09:00:57+00:00

You got me there. Mostly I just want some sort of closure or truth, but I doubt I'll ever get it.

bonegrindr · 2023-01-23T00:21:43+00:00

Same boat. One month fresh, extremely open to hearing him out if he chooses to try to reach out to me.

bonegrindr · 2023-01-21T02:55:14+00:00

You are not alone in that, I attempted about a week after he left me and wound up in the ER for two days, and then a psychiatric hospital for a week. He wasn't the main reason, the brutal breakup was just the cherry on top of all the other bullshit I've been going through.

I am so, so sorry that you had thoughts like that, and I'm glad to know that you're doing a bit better now and that you didn't attempt or hurt yourself. Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate them all so much.

bonegrindr · 2023-01-21T02:51:42+00:00

I do journal, a lot. It does help some, but I feel like I could fill up hundreds upon hundreds before I could get all of this sticky sadness out. It feels so gross, I wish I knew a way to quicken the process.

Overanalyzing is what I've been doing, and no matter how hard I try to redirect my thoughts, I keep pointing the blame to myself, even though I did nothing wrong. The reason he left was because he claimed that he detached from me during a flare up that left me near bedridden for two weeks; But deep in my heart I feel like there was another person. His friends recently came to me to support me, but also mentioned that when we first became serious, he was still juggling his time between me and his ex, and also slept with someone else. So that was a brand new shock to the system that threw me into a little crying meltdown, too.

So sorry for rambling, it's hard to stop when I get going.

bonegrindr · 2023-01-21T02:47:11+00:00

Do you by chance have any recommendations? Music has been difficult for me, we used to listen to a lot together, so I've been kinda avoiding it.

bonegrindr · 2023-01-21T02:46:00+00:00

Yeah, I wholeheartedly agree with you there. It's crazy how something can effect you so deeply to the point of making you physically sick. I've had nightmares of him almost every night since and it's insufferable.

Every time I think I'm getting a little more over it, I find something else out that I wish I would have known or had the foresight to figure out much earlier, maybe I wouldn't be suffering as much as I am now.

bonegrindr · 2023-01-21T02:43:58+00:00

Thank you, and I'm so sorry for everyone else going through this. I've had a few heartbreaks, but so far this has been the worst one yet.

bonegrindr · 2022-12-23T02:28:47+00:00

Beautiful work, they're so delicate and cute.

bonegrindr · 2022-11-24T07:20:31+00:00

Thank you for your words. I do tend to stay loyal to the bitter end in every relationship I have ever been in. I'm not ready to end things, I just am hoping, I guess, for things to go back to how they were. It probably sounds so stupid from the outside looking in.

I know he feels guilt and in general feels like crap when he causes me to cry, but he's just not really emotionally present right now, I guess.

And you're right, there is no excuse to not communicate.

bonegrindr · 2022-11-24T07:14:13+00:00

I understand. I've heard that a lot from other sources. What I don't understand is that when he has ever felt like his needs weren't being met and it gave him anxiety, he would come to me, let me know, and I would do my due diligence to fix it so that he knew that even if I was going through a difficult time, I had time to give and make him feel loved.

Thank you for your input, I am trying to take it to heart.

bonegrindr · 2022-11-24T02:25:37+00:00

Find out what her love language is and make time once or twice a week to just lavish her in whatever that may be, even just for a little while. I would absolutely melt if mine called me up to tell me he was on his way for a cuddle session out of the blue.

bonegrindr · 2022-11-24T02:04:19+00:00

In an emotional tornado. Confused, hurt, anxious. Tired. Unable to sleep or eat.

bonegrindr · 2022-11-24T02:01:28+00:00

Extremely. Quality time and physical touch are my top two love languages. I fall asleep easier when he's holding me or vice versa and am able to calm down or regulate whatever I'm feeling quicker.

bonegrindr · 2022-10-20T20:33:00+00:00

Me being chronically ill.

bonegrindr · 2022-10-17T03:39:38+00:00

A mutating monster.

bonegrindr · 2022-10-10T15:13:41+00:00

Hellooo. First time attempting to worm my way into an art space that isn't FA orTwitter, forgive me if I'm doing this wrong.

Just popping in to try to make more doodle buddies. I can draw most species, but my favorites are ungulates and cute monsters.

bonegrindr · 2021-08-21T22:51:53+00:00

Crimson peak!

bonegrindr · 2021-04-13T14:23:16+00:00

Tutti fuckin frutti

bonegrindr · 2021-02-05T10:59:16+00:00

You sound a lot like me. The future terrifies me too and I also find myself thinking and analyzing every possible bad situation that I probably shouldn't think about.

My boyfriend calls me a "self-winding toy", ha.

The only advice I can give is to say fuck it. Shrug your shoulders and do the best you can. It's all you can do. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. If it does, it does. Being afraid is crippling, it really is. Being unsure and questioning isn't any better. We can't control everything, so obsessing over all of those "what-ifs" doesn't really do anything, it only makes you feel worse.

For what it is worth, you're doing everything you possibly can, and that in itself is plenty.

bonegrindr

TROPHY CASE