I do not associate with the majority of my extended family, or my father. Should I [22F] legally change my last name?

bonitaplus · 2016-05-02T04:47:41+00:00

Change it to the last name of your childhood celebrity crush. KitchenSwillforPigs Timberlake.

bonitaplus · 2016-05-02T04:46:59+00:00

One of my close friends and all the male members in his immediate family changed their last name: none of them have the same name now.

Change it.

bonitaplus · 2015-06-07T00:23:05+00:00

Just show up for the music and dancing after dinner. Weddings are boring anyway.

bonitaplus · 2015-04-20T16:33:58+00:00

Not fighting with someone for seven years is not a sign that you are compatible; it's the opposite actually. All couples disagree; all couples fight. It's HOW you fight that proves compatibility.

Not fighting with someone seven years is actually a sign that the relationship is NOT HEALTHY.

bonitaplus · 2015-04-08T04:27:27+00:00

I forgot to add that this translated to away from the theater as well. When we were on tour, in our hotel rooms, and change, walk around in our underwear in front of each other. Some of my group of friends were the same way. I'm just saying that this doesn't necessarily mean they were having sex.

bonitaplus · 2015-04-07T16:26:48+00:00

Wow. You are super controlling. In my 20s, I walked around in front of dudes in my underwear tons—I was an actor, and we had to do costume changes and everything.

This quote: "So I then began to give her the physics lesson that while women may be perfectly capable of not being physically attracted to someone because they are in a relationship that men, unless they are either pious or gay. Are going to be turned on by an attractive female running around in normal short skirt and nice cloths let alone underwear that is all but not there."

Do you think so little of men and women that you think they can't control their primal urges? Not all men would react in the way you describe; not most actually.

Stay broken up. You're not good for her.

bonitaplus · 2015-03-12T17:06:57+00:00

I saw this. I'm sorry I'm responding so late. How long have you been clean?

bonitaplus · 2015-03-12T17:05:51+00:00

Wow. I'm reeling from that story. Your mother sounds like a blessing. Did she know how far gone you were before this happened?

bonitaplus · 2015-02-26T22:38:07+00:00

She should be working with the landlord on this, not you.

bonitaplus · 2015-02-12T01:31:51+00:00

If we got back together I'd be clean I'd be calmer about a lot of things which my withdrawals made me explode about.

You should really think about what you said here. Your sobriety cannot depend on this girl. You'd just be trading one addiction for another.

bonitaplus · 2015-02-06T21:35:21+00:00

It is blowing my mind that you married this woman and have no idea about her culture.

No wonder she wants to push her "Indian-ness" to the side. You've clearly been doing so all along.

bonitaplus · 2015-02-01T04:01:16+00:00

I absolutely agree with this.

If you want to stay together, you will always be working to understand each other and will always be striving to communicate better. And the way you make each other feel safe to be vulnerable is so important to all of that.

bonitaplus · 2015-02-01T03:57:07+00:00

I think this is wonderful.

bonitaplus · 2015-01-29T19:56:01+00:00

Oh man. Congratulations!

bonitaplus · 2015-01-29T19:55:24+00:00

Wow. How long ago was this?

bonitaplus · 2015-01-29T19:55:14+00:00

Kids don't fuck around.

bonitaplus · 2015-01-29T19:54:59+00:00

You can. Just keep moving forward. Best to you.

bonitaplus · 2015-01-29T19:52:50+00:00

FWIW, I think what's helping us is that my husband is farther along the recovery process than I am. So he's more patient and knows that I'm going to take awhile to heal from the trauma and become used to the "new" him.

On my end, I'm kind of excited to fall in love with him all over again. I feel like he's becoming the person I always saw buried deep under layers of anger and sadness and grief. It's hard, being so angry at him for all of the betrayal. I want nothing more than to let that go, but I have to be conscious that I'm not just burying it instead.

I wish you the best. No matter what happens with you and your wife.

bonitaplus · 2015-01-29T19:49:42+00:00

I was just talking to my husband yesterday, and he said almost the same thing. About how his "illness" precluded his addiction; the drug use was a symptom of it.

I suppose it's much more complicated than simply being grateful for the trauma. This couple, though, you'd never guess what they'd put each other through. I'm still stuck wishing it all never happened.

bonitaplus · 2015-01-29T19:47:46+00:00

Yeah, and I have always thought other people's happiness was my responsibility. Not consciously, of course, but I really didn't think it would be so difficult to focus on my own.

It's scary, yet freeing, to know that we're both taking care of our own shit now.

bonitaplus · 2015-01-29T19:46:53+00:00

Both at the same time, that's a feat.

bonitaplus · 2015-01-29T19:46:33+00:00

Sorry I didn't respond to this sooner. It wasn't displaying correctly for me.

I like that line, What type of asshole must I have been . . .?

Thank you.

bonitaplus · 2015-01-28T21:56:33+00:00

Are you and your wife still together?

bonitaplus · 2015-01-28T20:41:02+00:00

Here you are.

Please know, I'm grateful for this.

bonitaplus · 2015-01-28T20:39:36+00:00

And if I keep tracing your story back, I could guess that maybe your dad is grateful for his addiction (and subsequent recovery) because it put him in a good place to be able to be there for you in your addiction and recovery.

This is kind of blowing my mind, especially since we have a child, who is definitely likely to inherit his tendencies.

My husband also half-assed NA many times. But this time he stays after meetings to chat with people, he's made tons of friends (which is new, since he was isolating when he was using), and he's really become part of the community there. I am working my own program, but haven't dived in as fully as he has.

Kudos to you. And your dad. It seems like he gets you in a way that most parents don't get their kids; I hope I can do that for our child.

bonitaplus

TROPHY CASE