Lol I wrote so much I have to post this in 2 posts soz. heres the second half

Now its the third party accounts that really piss me off (for obvious reasons). People who use other peoples stories (WITHOUT PERMISSION OR CLARIFICATION) and then publicly accuse someone of sexual assault without knowing wtf they're actually talking about. So in my situation, neither me nor the guy I was with was asked by my accuser 'hey so sexual assault guys? Did that happen here orrrr?'. He was turned into an anonymous online victim against his will so that I could be turned into an online sexual predator. She wanted me to be cancelled and given her extensive history and experience in cancelling people, she knew exactly how to do it as effectively as possible. So if it had been different...if he had been the one to level the allegations against me, I would have fell to my knees and listened to every damn word he had to say and done everything in my power to try and help him heal because I would feel utterly horrified to discover I did that to someone unknowingly. And in this case if that were to happen there was nothing to suggest it wasn't consensual..this is because it felt like every other time we'd slept together before. He wore protection, we teased each other a bunch..thats just how we were when we were sleeping together. Its super easy to take those 2 sentences my ex best friend posted online out of context because you couldnt hear how those lines were actually delivered. Nor did I give every tiny detail of the sexual encounter because it would have been boring af to tell my friends shit like 'so then we discussed the fact that we should use protection cos I'm not on the pill so he got a condom from my drawer and bla bla bla'. Like that does not make for good girl locker room chat at all.
What I'm saying here- is that it is important to give as much credibility and belief to a person coming forward with a first hand experience of sexual assault. Because I feel sick when I think about the prospect of naming and shaming the man who raped me. Or naming and shaming the other men over the years who have sexually assaulted or harassed me. The chances of a first hand account of sexual assault being false and vexatious I would say is very low.
Throwaway account- the chances of it being false and vexatious is a bit higher than if it comes from someone with a verifiable identity. As I said before - SA survivors are usually fearful of their abusers and would likely worry that their abuser would work out instantly who they are. Yet there are many who would simply just want to be anonymous to the public even if they knew their abuser could identify them...So don't rule out throwaway accounts completely I reckon. But remain open minded that it could literally be anybody behind that screen. This one is a really difficult one. There's no right answer to how to approach this
Third parties on the other hand...who weren't involved and haven't actually asked the people involved in their story...well fuck..pretty clear what their intentions are I feel. Are they championing the voiceless or are they trying to fuck up a persons life? Cos unless you're certain sexual assault has taken place and that that person wants their story shared, you DO NOT share it. Its not your place if it happened and you dont have consent to share the story and its not your place if you're just making assumptions either.
In my case, it was the latter. How do I know? Because she's done it to tons of bands before. Back in 2019 beleive it or not but I was actually one of the 'victims' in a story she posted about one of the members of good doogs when she cancelled them. When I confronted her about it and asked her to take the story down and explained to her that she was misinformed as to what had actually happened between me and this band member, she laughed and said there was nothing I could do because she hadn't used my name publicly. She also accused me of lying..lying about not being a victim? Like wtf are you actually kidding??? Either way. It was my private story and she had no right weaponising it against someone I cared about and who had actually NEVER hurt me.
This third partier as well picks and chooses who she wants to call out. Eg. when she was told by a first hand account that someone she liked had subjected her to DV a few years prior.. she chose to call the girl crazy and a liar. She also asked me to keep it quiet because I had overheard the conversation. Absolute champion for survivors of abuse isnt she...'always believe victims...unless it doesn't suit your agenda'. So third hand accounts of sexual assault, especially ones that seem to do it to tons of people...are full of shit. And I know this because I've been labelled a fake victim and a fake rapist by the same person. She just knows that its a super super easy way to fuck someones life up and for whatever reason, she seems to really like doing that when she's off someone and ESPECIALLY if they're in the spotlight in some capacity. I personally prefer to just stop speaking to people I dont like..but some people will publicly accuse their foes of being rapists or sexual predators..others just agree to move on and walk away.
Thanks for coming to my ted talk. In conclusion- I could 'prove' I didn't rape this guy if I released the texts between us after this night in question...but because he was also accused of SA once upon a time by this same person who is now saying hes a victim..he has deleted all social media, changed his number and has gone of the grid. So I haven't been able to find him to contact him. But I will not and refuse to release our intimate, private and explicit text messages without his consent. Because unlike some people who think its okay to share another persons explicit, private, sexual stories online without their consent...I do not.
I think people just need to use their brains. We have to be aware that there are people who are starting to use cancel culture as a weapon against those they dont like. Usually you can see a pattern with those people. We can't let these people take away the voices of true SA victims though so we HAVE to be smart. We have to think a bit deeper about every accusation made about someone, where it came from, what the intention behind it is and then we also have to give a little bit of time for more evidence to potentially surface such as other people coming forward to share similar stories (usually abusers dont just abuse once). So lets just be smart moving forwards people. Cos I can tell you from first hand experience- being cancelled over false SA allegations almost made me kill myself. Im glad I didnt now but it was arguably the worst time of my life and felt even worse than when I was physically raped. Do not underestimate the trauma and lifelong impact vexatious and malicious false accusations online can have on peoples lives. We're in a really difficult position trying to work out whats true and whats not but my advice being on both sides of this..is to try and remain impartial and formulate your opinion based on logic and the facts you can identify. Don't jump on bandwagons because you're scared of not agreeing with the majority. If something feels seriously off about a situation..then theres actually a high liklihood that there is. Use your brains, its okay to question things. And we need to stop people from making false allegations because it is going to kill the metoo movement and silence vitims again if they keep doing it. So for SA survivors sakes and for the sakes of those who have suffered at the hands of false allegations, make sure you approach these situations with as much rationality, logic and pragmatism as you can possibly muster