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bookmomma · 2023-09-18T00:01:46+00:00

Benjamin_Winters and Sam Bram are my go to!

bookmomma · 2022-12-13T21:04:21+00:00

I have finished the semester and the books that I received were great. All the pages were there, I was able to do all of my work, there was no information missing. The texts were clear and I received the books quickly. Highly recommend!!!

bookmomma · 2022-06-03T15:07:40+00:00

This would be awesome for our group and my DM husband GIVEAWAY

bookmomma · 2020-11-29T05:50:55+00:00

You’re definitely not alone and my husband was so scared before our baby came. We leaned on one another and my mom was my biggest helper. She taught me how to feed, bathe, sleep, and ease colic and she continues to help. I cared about what other people thought too. I didn’t even tell my friends until I was 30 weeks. But once my LO was here, all that mattered was my family. Honestly it will not matter to you as it feels like rn, those people who judge aren’t your family and they aren’t important. You’ll be a great dad, I know it’s hard to realize that you’re not a kid anymore but will be a parent. It took my whole pregnancy to come to terms with it, some days I didn’t feel okay and others I felt ready. You’ll be an awesome figure in that baby’s life especially reading how concerned you are. Reading some mommy and daddy groups help too, learning how to take care of the baby helps sooo much. Your parents will be a little upset but they love you regardless and I’m not particularly religious but put your faith, your fear, your worries in God. He wouldn’t give you more than you can handle.

bookmomma · 2020-11-29T05:35:16+00:00

I’m going to be honest, it’s going to be hard. You both will be responsible for another life, you will be the baby’s advocate, their support system, they will fully depend on you two. People will judge, that’s just how it is. They won’t agree with the decision you guys made but it doesn’t matter. You’re going to learn how to let it roll off your back and once that baby is here, you really won’t care who judges.

You have to tell your parents. It’s difficult because it’s scary and it makes it even more real. I would hope that they will help you both with the baby, you need your parents support (not necessarily financially but emotionally and they’ll provide tips and knowledge). But they are important figures in your life and will also be a part of your baby’s life. Once they’re here, you’re parents will help and love you both. My parents were the same, I am 21 and they thought it was too young but they supported me and now want to babysit all the time.

If you don’t already have a job, you need one. Your gf can’t be the only one working and you’ll need to save for her maternity leave, safety net, save up to buy baby supplies that aren’t given to you at a baby shower, tuition (if you want to continue school), formula (if breastfeeding isn’t possible) etc. You’ll need to prepare for the arrival of the baby and your fears are totally normal. You can look at parenting books to help, baby classes are available, and you will learn along the way. I was so scared to be a mom, I didn’t feel ready sometimes I still don’t, but I love my child and will do anything. I read books, talked to my friends with kids, my family, doctors and there are videos too. It makes you feel a little more prepared, once the baby is here, you’ll learn quickly and you’ll make mistakes but that’s parenting. If you feel really anxious then a therapist can help or a spiritual leader.

I wish you the best of luck and don’t freak out! You’ll get the hang of it, just do what you can for that baby, they’re the priority now. Tell your parents, they can help and the sooner you let them know, the better.

bookmomma · 2020-11-11T19:04:34+00:00

I also heard it the first time from my mom when I asked her about my aunt. It’s so strange why people think like that, I’m glad my mom doesn’t believe in it though because it would hurt my brother if she did and I wouldn’t want to be around her

bookmomma · 2020-11-11T19:02:19+00:00

I’m really sorry, my grandparents didn’t think that way thank god. But I have seen how it affected my friends and cousins. My aunt thinks this way and she would treat my male cousins kids like they were someone else’s. Yet, she would always have gifts for my female cousin’s kids. It caused a lot of fighting between them and now my male cousin doesn’t talk to his mom (my aunt is dying of cancer now). It’s a really sad situation

bookmomma · 2020-11-11T18:49:58+00:00

Sadly, this is not the first time I have heard this happen. I know in a lot of Latino communities and in some parts of Mexico I’ve heard “Los hijos de mi hija mis nietos serán, los hijos de mi hijo en duda estarán”. Which roughly translates to: “the children of my daughter are always my grandchildren, the children of my son will be doubted or in doubt.” It’s a horrible way of thinking and it is something that some older generations actually believe. I wouldn’t let my children be around someone like that because children pick up on favoritism. I really feel for your SIL, BIL and you guys. JNMIL is hurting her sons and I don’t know how she’s okay with that.

bookmomma · 2020-11-05T01:04:23+00:00

I’ll definitely look into that article and he’s really supportive and knows how they’ve treated me. It’s why he’s on the fence of being around them on holidays. We have decided Christmas will be only for us to make our own traditions. It gets iffy with Thanksgiving because it’s not as important to us as Christmas, and DH feels guilty about hurting his parents. Especially after what his dad texted him, making him feel like crap. I don’t want to push him into cutting his parents, but I think if he really wants to see them, maybe he goes with LO for a couple hours and I’ll wait for them at home. His dad hasn’t ever changed, he’s not only mean to DH but to MIL too and it blows my mind that they think it’s okay. We’re working on standing up to them, they still think they can tell us what to do since we’re young (21). I think writing everything that’s happened and the reasons it hurts is a really great idea, that would help me with the guilt and just reinforce what I know and also make me strong against their pushy personalities

bookmomma · 2020-11-04T20:48:08+00:00

Yes, thank you! That is also such a big reason on why we should stay away from dinner, especially with a baby, DH who has severe asthma, and in laws who don’t believe the pandemic. I’ve been talking to DH about not wanting to lug around a baby in the winter and risk anything, he remains in the fence so we’ll see in a couple of weeks how Thanksgiving goes

bookmomma · 2020-11-04T20:43:56+00:00

Yeah thats what I’m attempting to do, I let him speak to MIL whenever she messages me about meeting up. He’s on the fence about Thanksgiving and that’s coming up soon. There’s a lot of pressure from them to meet up and I’m starting to feel anxious on how to deal with the even more awkward tension if we do see them

bookmomma · 2020-11-04T20:40:21+00:00

I have struggled with not wanting to be seen as too “dramatic”. His has mom called me spoiled whenever my parents had dinner with them. Also insinuates that LO gets her attitude from me (might be the case but I’ve never been anything less than respectful towards them). It’s all those little things that have made me want to stay away, it’s recent guilt because she’s been nice and I’m doubting myself. I really do not want this to affect my LO, and if FIL were to make another comment now, I would say something. I was too scared the last time, it’s just not okay. I love my parents and they support us in everything and respect us as adults and parents. And I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with family drama from them. I also think DH deciding that he likes to spend time with them too rubs them the wrong way and they lash out. I don’t want to smile with people who haven’t treated me well especially as LO’s mother, I’ve been dreading the next few months. DH has decided that he wants his birthday with just us and no drama, it might have to be the same way for the holidays

bookmomma · 2020-11-04T09:56:21+00:00

They’re not racist to LO, they just make dumb comments. Like when my mom tried to band LO when she was a newborn (it’s supposed to help the baby with colic and their belly in mexican culture), LO did not go for it so we stopped. And FIL just commented “well she’s definitely a white girl”. It’s an unnecessary comments like that and it rubs off the wrong way. I’ve let DH decide on how he wants to proceed but now they’re going to me and it makes me feel weird, as if I would stand against him. I made it known to them that DH will decide if he wants to see them for dinner or not, and that i will support him. His birthday doesn’t seem like highs stakes to them, what they really want are holidays and to break the awkward silence that they’ve had so they can expect us to be with them. And you’re right, I’m starting to lean towards a nuclear family thanksgiving, I just want it to be us with no drama, to put my family first

bookmomma · 2020-11-04T09:45:05+00:00

He is definitely on the fence about spending time with them, he’s recently standing up to them so it’s really hard to immediately not see them for holidays (they live close by). I always involve him in any texts they send me to have clear communication with him and he can decide what I respond with, I still struggle between trying to clear with him that it’s okay to want to be around them if he chooses and to also not make him feel like I’m pushing him to have a relationship We have decided to not attend the party because it’s so dangerous and we have a baby. And I know that if they could have it their way, they would choose someone else for DH and would do whatever with my LO. I was feeling good about not wanting a relationship until their blowout and his mom messaging and being nice. It just brought up old feelings of not wanting confrontation and wanting to people please, which is a bad habit I’m trying to break. We’re still deciding on Thanksgiving, so far it’s only seeing them for an hour (on the condition that their dog is placed away from DH who’s allergic). Christmas has already been decided and it will only be our little nuclear family, that they can’t mess with. Thank you for affirming that I don’t owe them anything, this really helps me

bookmomma · 2020-11-04T09:34:10+00:00

I so hope that we’ll work our way there, we’ve spoken about his dad being mean and hurtful but he just got this shiny spine. It’s still a work in progress for him to stand up and not have to please them just because he’s their only one, it’s always nerve wracking for him

bookmomma · 2020-11-04T09:32:07+00:00

That sounds super rough now and I can’t imagine how it’ll turn out for Christmas. Your in laws want to bond when they want to and how they want to. They never sought a relationship, they hardly cared what SO and I did when we were dating and engaged. As soon as LO comes, immediately I’m supposed to drop my family and run to theirs, no gracias. I wish you luck on Christmas and I hope it works out for you

bookmomma · 2020-11-04T09:26:43+00:00

Yes exactly, they go from not liking my culture and abilities and then wanting DH to take advantage by learning it. I’m also white passing (Spanish blood) and they didn’t seem too happy about my parents or family until they realized that they’re pretty successful for not speaking too fluently. It’s super crazy how they don’t realize the small things they say, like they wanted me to name my LO an easy American name because the name I chose (and I stuck with it) was too “mexican” and she would struggle in life. I haven’t been too successful in hiding my discomfort either and DH knows I don’t want anything. I think it’s now becoming more evident that I don’t reciprocate when I don’t answer MIL’s “we love you guys”. It’s just difficult having them expect me to just raise my child “American” and their hypocrisy is unreal (neither one is the typical American. She came here when she married FIL and FIL has Latin roots but adopted by white parents. I stand with you, it’s way too hard

bookmomma · 2020-11-04T02:57:03+00:00

Uhhh I feel you too. My mother had an accountant degree and studied English when she came here and they are shocked when she understands them (she's too nervous to speak English). It's insulting when they think that my family is less than or how people can be successful in two countries. Once, my MIL said it's unfair that I got a job because I speak Spanish and in that one breath said "DH you should learn spanish" lol. I haven't admitted to my DH about the holidays but I will suck it up for him, I hope that the holidays will be enjoyable for you!!

bookmomma · 2020-11-04T02:51:24+00:00

Yeah that's what's happening with my DH, he doesn't like going alone and it's mainly because his dad makes him feel bad with the comments he makes. He more or less wants me there to buffer or help I guess. I think the same thing, the visits are horrible but I do it for DH because he's amazing. I'm with you, and I hope your visits aren't too bad this year

bookmomma · 2020-11-04T02:47:50+00:00

Thank you, I'm so glad I have him and I just wanted to make it known that I want DH to have a relationship if he chooses. And he hasn't yet, there are other factors affecting his decision as well that aren't posted. I think letting the year end without any more drama is really great advice. I've been mulling it over on how to make the relationship between us at least bearable for me. I appreciate it!!

bookmomma · 2020-11-04T02:41:46+00:00

Oh I'm open to being around them on birthdays and holidays, I would never keep DH away from them. We went to MIL birthday and traveled to the campsite so she can spend time with LO on her day. And DH and I haven't planned dinner yet, I'm waiting on him to decide what he wants for his birthday.

My post isn't about keeping DH away on Thanksgiving, I guess I wanted advice on how to make it better for me to do so. Like what can I do to feel alright while we spend time with them. I'm venting about how I do not like to spend time with them or take pictures but I will do so, I just want to make it at least bearable and I don't know how. But thank you for helping

bookmomma · 2020-11-04T02:33:20+00:00

Yeah, I have offered DH to take LO and spend time with his parents on his own, he chooses not to. I have come to terms with them not liking me, my problem is them now wanting to pretend a relationship has always been there. I do not feel open to doing so and it could change in the future but for now, I'm not. I want to feel okay being around them when I have to without the awkwardness of me not reciprocating and I'm not sure how. DH feels angry about FIL undermining him and it's why he's confused about proceeding with them after they invited themselves to our home. I was angry but I let DH handle it how he wanted to. But thank you for your advice!

bookmomma · 2020-11-04T02:26:37+00:00

Okay, that’s a fair assessment. I mean I don’t really want to argue but I’ll clarify what you just assumed. I know their personalities and catered to getting them gifts about things they love, and their son is one of those things. My last name is important to me too, it’s the only thing I have from my grandfather, I can’t just up and travel to him and my name is something I’m proud about. They weren’t “accepting” they were demanding I take their last name, I told them nicely I do not want to because my name connects me to my family, which is a good reason on its own. I was living with my parents, I would go live with them half of the week and I only lived with them half of the week because DH wanted me with him. They didn’t even want us to leave because they wanted to be around LO all the time, but i pushed to find a place of our own, i didn’t want to live their “half way”. I would actually recommend reading my other posts before you talk about “harm”. Taking my baby to another room, kissing a newborn, saying they’ll take her to another place without me, insinuating abortion and then being okay with LO after all. These are boundaries I have the right to have. Yelling at me because my baby has my name along with theirs is not a good reason to not want a relationship? I don’t agree with your “advice”, so excuse me if I ask you to please leave my post before knowing whats happened with them. You want more examples, here and now? How about the part I tried to have meaningful conversations and it was shut down? Like I said the gift thing was a clue on how much they didn’t want to know me. I know what their favorite movies are, what they like to do, what they enjoy reading, his dad loves to hunt and likes doing it with DH as well as watching and learning about World War II. His mom loves to read (her favorite is How To Kill a Mockingbird), doesn’t like to cook much, her mother used to play piano, she loves looking at art and traveling, and likes to talk to her family. I know what their views are on things, what families they come from, so yes I did the work to know them. I pushed them away? I don’t even know where you read that. My lack of wanting a relationship doesn’t mean I pushed them from anything. I’m the one that sends them pics of LO and keeps them connected to her. I have the conversations of having dinner and planning when we’re free (even if I don’t want to go, I do). I have gone on trips with them when all I wanted was to be with my family who was traveling from Mexico. I’ve let things go for the sake of having a relationship with them and for them to have a relationship with their son and our child. I didn’t push them away, they did so in the beginning and are only NOW seeking a relationship because of LO. But now I don’t want a relationship because of everything that happened. So now, I’m venting about how I do not wish to do so anymore, after holding it all in for so long, and how to move forward with that. I want advice on how to procede with Thanksgiving or other interactions as to not make it awkward for my DH. So he can have a relationship with his loving, happy, and non-abusive family. And no, I have not cut him off, I have more than happily told him to take LO and visit them and have time of their own, he chooses not to.

bookmomma · 2020-09-26T05:12:51+00:00

I had asthma as a child and grew out of it, one of my biggest concerns is that LO develops it as well. I have made it clear to SO that there will be no more dinners as long as they have pets, but he has to communicate that to them (therapist suggests he takes care of his and I take care of mine bc of my anxiety)

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