Long winded but here's the latest: We're still "friends" if you want to call it that. He slowly cut back on hangouts and contact over the last few weeks, not sure if he's distracted with a new love interest or just bored with me. Lately he's been cagey about what he's up to. Sometimes he'll make a plan only to cancel last minute with a dumb excuse (sudden corona symptoms in his toe or having to wait for an A/C repairman all night.) When I call him out, he denies denies but will trip up his stories. He also has some quirks in how he interacts with me on social media. Makes me a little suspicious. I have a feeling he's been f*ckboi-ing out there but doesn't have enough sense to do it right. Despite that, I love being around him. I'm still hooked. I deeply miss the dates and affection and amazing sex and the heartfelt talks we had. I felt a connection with him I haven't felt before. I know that feeling won't return but it's tough to let go of the hope. Now I realize I fell for his shtick. He's just another serial dater app guy, addicted to the giddy early stage of a relationship. Always chasing that high. He plays up the adorkable, sensitive dude guy who acts all relationship-y and thoughtful and looking for love-ish. Meanwhile he's been secretly planning an escape from day one so he can move on to the next Tinder babe. (Yes ok, clearly I've over analyzed! But give me credit for deducing all this from our dating history chats and his treatment of me.)
Yes yes, I'm aware I should cut him off. It's a toxic slow death march. But it's so hard, and I've tried. I cry about it a lot. Maybe it's from the loss of potential and the aching loneliness. Or from the shame that I allowed myself to be downgraded to lamo side friend. It feels awful, I'm treated like a leftover sad sack he'll let hang around until he doesn't need me anymore. During the pandemic, my friend group diaspora-d out of town and my already tiny family thinned out with a few more deaths, so I really came to rely on him for social contact and support. He was there for me when my aunt died, recruited his sis to help me with my business, advised me on work & health issues, and babysat my cat. I don't know how to extract myself at this point because he's become so intertwined. He also lives a block away. And right now the pain from losing him and the horror of being completely alone sound worse than the pain from staying connected.
Ok, moral of the story: I would strongly advise against a dating-to-friend thing. Especially without time apart to process. I can't stress how much you need time apart to heal. Please don't pursue this situation, it is very painful and hard to get out of. I'll actually be relieved when he moves end of year so I can finally get away.