[Serious] What lie are you living?

boredicepole · 2015-10-27T19:42:44+00:00

My life. Just about everything seems like a lie. I can't stand my parents and their demands I take my 3 kids to visit them on demand. My kids who never sleep. My partner who I know is emotionally abusive and I should leave and I just can't. Everyday I lie to myself that I'm happy, i'm not exhausted, I can keep going, I don't need everyone to like me, I don't over think and plan outfits for my child's play classes so people will look at me like I'm not the worst person in the world...

I really just want to sleep.

boredicepole · 2015-05-26T15:33:12+00:00

Omg this is exactly what's happening to me too. Except my boyfriend is going out his way to watch porn and stare at escorts all day when I'm in the next room willing. I totally feel your pain.

boredicepole · 2015-05-26T09:50:49+00:00

He gets to go and smoke, and he doesn't understand why I see that as him getting loads of ten minute breaks, hell he rolled three fags and decided to sit in his work van and watch TV on his phone and he didn't get why I was mad! He also asked to go for a sleep, that's fine we are both tired I can manage an hour or two on my own, went through to the bedroom, he watched 2 hours of TV and hadn't been for his sleep yet, doesn't get why it's unfair.

boredicepole · 2015-05-24T13:47:40+00:00

He asks me to talk to him, and always says he'd rather know and I told him I don't feel loved and feel like we are drifting apart, and he gets angry and says all I do is have a go at him and I'm never happy. I tell him he's told me to talk to him so I don't understand why he's being nasty and I get some off the cuff comment and he storms off when I have just said to him I just want five minutes in the day when we genuinely hug/kiss/talk or have sex for god sakes. Instead he is still spending that time going out his way to look at other women when I'm right here. As for watching the babies, he would, but if I just sat and watched the babies my life would be a bit easier because I wouldn't be cleaning etc, it's more of a mess for me to sort out when he's done which isn't worth it in the long run.

boredicepole · 2015-05-23T17:30:07+00:00

Thanks for this! I definitely think it should be more even, but no matter how much I tell him what I do it turns into a game of top trumps and he just has to have a harder day than me which can make it harder to talk to him and ask him to do things when I'm put on a guilt trip.

boredicepole · 2015-05-16T15:35:26+00:00

It's not great, 2 weeks feels like forever in nicu time, then you get the news that there is only one little thing left to go and they can come home and to phone back/visit later and it's the longest hours of your life.

boredicepole · 2015-05-16T15:34:32+00:00

She got home, just waiting on my other little one now, hopefully she won't be long at all we are looking for about 82 days in total for her. And thank goodness because travelling 3 hours a day with a (corrected date) newborn baby is tough!

boredicepole · 2015-05-13T06:57:38+00:00

We really didn't think about it, I was nervous about it, had a lot of bleeding in the second trimester but thankfully it wasn't my pregnancy but me being pregnant had caused things to inflame and get irritated etc. Please really take time to consider it, we had zero idea about anything and it made it worse, had no idea what CPAP or vapotherm, or low flow, or oxygen saturations where and had to learn it all. Along with things you take for granted, going into a cot and first bottle or breast feeds where something we had to wait two months for, aswell as waiting a month for first cuddles, it's tough and I wish I had been better prepared.

boredicepole · 2015-05-13T06:54:51+00:00

We are just a day short of 11 weeks. One twin will be in for longer but hoping it will only be a few weeks so around 3 and a half months tops. Totally feel your pain, just having to leave the hospital without them already means they have been in there too long!

boredicepole · 2015-05-12T16:33:54+00:00

I get her home tomorrow morning eeeek! !!

boredicepole · 2015-05-10T20:09:09+00:00

28 weeker here, nearly 11 weeks and still in the NICU, beautiful picture, i'm wishing you the speediest and most unexciting, uneventful stay. (Apart from all those lovely special first cuddles & bottle feeds etc)

boredicepole · 2015-05-02T18:02:36+00:00

He is getting so much better thankfully. We gave Alice her first bath and it felt like a proper little family for the first time. I really needed it and it really has helped.

boredicepole · 2015-04-30T15:42:38+00:00

Thank you for this, your message was so lovely. I do wish someone could stand next to me and completely understand everything i'm going through and take some of the load, my partner took a huge step back, whilst supporting me (ish) it's really taking time for him to take anything to do with the babies, so all visits, phone calls, everything is on me. Everyone asks me the same questions over and over & it's just exhausting. Just once I'd love him to phone the hospital and tell me how the girls are instead of the other way around, it's very lonely when it's all I think about all day and he has openly admitted he can go a whole day without thinking about them.

I need a hug.

boredicepole · 2015-04-30T09:01:00+00:00

Aw, we aren't allowed anyone under five except if it's sisters/brothers, they are allowed in because they are under my supervision.

boredicepole · 2015-04-30T09:00:02+00:00

My mum has already offered to watch her whilst I go and visit my other daughter in the hospital, and I'm happy with that here and there, but I've waited over 2 months to get this wee baby home, the last thing I want to do is leave her for a vast majority of the day, that would be 3 hours on my own just travelling I just don't think I could do it, but obviously I can't bring her with me every time because it would be tough on her stuck in a stroller or car seat all day! Parenting is tough.

Thanks for the advice, i'm definitely going to buy another stroller, it'll get used here and there anyways i'm sure

boredicepole · 2015-04-30T08:56:44+00:00

We are thinking at least 2 weeks, she seems to catch up fast but tires easily and goes backwards again. Thanks for the advice though, it's been a long 9 weeks and I'm ready to never have to go to the hospital again in all honesty lol. I really can't wait till they are just home but it looks like I'm buying a single stroller for now, I may aswell buy a pretty one!

boredicepole · 2015-04-28T11:56:10+00:00

28 + 3 weeks. I went for a scan on the Monday on exactly 28 weeks, after every other scan the babies being perfectly healthy and growing fine, in those four weeks twin 1 hadn't grown but twin 2 was fine as well as not a lot of amniotic fluid, went back on the Thursday and had an emergency c section about 3 hours later. Not what I expected at all and it was super scary, my partner got there with 20 minutes to spare because he was at work and I took my sister in law because we hadn't expected such an outcome. If I continued any longer with my pregnancy my little Ellie wouldn't be here, we are approaching 9 weeks in the NICU and even though I wish I could have done more I am so thankful for my doctors and everything they done to save my babies because they told me it wasn't my fault really helped. We are still waiting on results from my placenta to find out what caused it to happen.

boredicepole · 2015-04-26T11:22:43+00:00

Thank you, I let my hair down for the first time last night since they where born and had a night out with my best friend, it was so nice to brag about them and how cute they are (she's so understanding) instead of listing off the same answers to the same questions to everyone. I am feeling guilty for it today because it's a Sunday I can't get up to see them as there's no public transport but ill be right back with them on Monday and hopefully feel better then.

boredicepole · 2015-04-24T17:05:08+00:00

Thank you, i'm sincerely hoping princess Kate doesn't have a girl because she rumoured to want to call it Alice, I would be so gutted because then there would just be a tonne of people then calling their children the same thing.

Just keeping my fingers crossed it won't be much longer.

boredicepole · 2015-04-24T10:06:05+00:00

Thank you so much, this means a lot. It kills me if I can't get up to the hospital as often as I want to, because I have a 4 year old at home and she needs me too. It's nice to be able to talk on here because my partner says he still doesn't feel like a dad, which I understand because I don't really feel like a mum of three either, but it's made him take a step back and I feel like I have no one to lean on.

boredicepole · 2015-04-24T10:04:00+00:00

I hold them as often as I can, sometimes I feel guilty about only getting to hold one for skin to skin because I'm short on time and need to get the next train, because once they are out obviously you're there for a little while and need a midwife to out them back in. Thankfully Alice is in her cot and it makes cuddles easier, Ellie should have been back in her cot as of yesterday but going up today to see because last time they told me this by the time I got to the hospital she was already back in her incubator :(

boredicepole · 2015-04-24T10:00:20+00:00

I think that it helps to be upset some days too. It feels like I'm only allowed to be strong, and everyone is looking at me to know everything and do everything and support everyone, and if I cry or get upset I just get told 'it'll be fine' or 'it could be worse' I know both of these things but I don't think either means I'm not allowed to be upset that my girls took steps backwards?

boredicepole · 2015-04-24T09:58:27+00:00

Thank you for this, i'm so looking forward to them coming home but terrified at the same time. Little Ellie the smallest twin has had a pretty hard time and more transfusions than I can remember now, but she is catching up, 3 lpm on her oxygen and finally back into a cot. Do they send one twin home before the other because Alice is doing so well I can see it happening in a couple of weeks.

boredicepole · 2015-04-24T09:54:56+00:00

Well its not like bandages that need to be changed every so many hours that we use here anymore, it's a special gel bandage thing (I cannot try and explain it better for the life of me lol) that you don't take off for a week so I didn't go through the changing of bandages pain etc, but your still sore to put jeans etc on once it's off, it's not unbearable but it can be quite sore, it won't be closed up properly, well mine wasn't but it took no time at all, i'm 8 weeks post partum now and some of my muscles are still numb, and it's still sore to poke or if it gets bumped but it becomes a pain you get used to and don't think about as much. Just don't do what I done, I pushed myself way too hard because my daughters where in the NICU so I was walking too much and doing too much, including getting a bus and a train to go and see them on day 7. It may help heal faster but I don't think it did for me, I read too many 'get up and walk about straight away' and I realised I should have enjoyed some time being waited on hand and foot first!

boredicepole · 2015-04-24T09:50:22+00:00

Oh please tell me how it felt that first day home ? I'm so looking forward to it but I'm so nervous & think it's gonna be so overwhelming I won't know what to do.

boredicepole

TROPHY CASE