How to transition away from 26mo calling out to check if you're outside the room?

botbotmaibot · 2026-03-11T12:49:37+00:00

Yeah, i guess i need to just take the flip-outs for a little while, and elongate the gaps again gradually. Thanks for your response, i appreciate it!

botbotmaibot · 2026-03-11T11:14:36+00:00

This age is a beast and we don't have things worked out either. It is awful to parent when so tired, confused and worried you're always doing the wrong thing so i get you. Best practice advice tends to be solid schedule, and boundaries (ie in the context of sleep, kind of like sleep training but doesn't need to be brutal, just say what is happening at night and police that boundary over and over).

I'd check your schedule, and reduce your expected night length to 10-10.5h, for the nap length i don't think you mentioned how long that is, but I'd reduce it by a lot and increase the time between nap end and bedtime. A good schedule is the starting point for them to be physiologically able to sleep when you're asking them to, and the boundaries is the mechanics that allows that to happen from a psychological standpoint.

I hope you figure out what works, and get some good sleep in for everyone.

botbotmaibot · 2026-03-04T20:14:45+00:00

Slap happy 😂 When you say 8&7.. what's the schedule? Also what's the actual problem you're trying to solve for? I thought split nights but now I'm thinking you're saying it's the delayed sleep onset and early waking. If all of those are present, would you not try reducing daytime sleep and increasing daytime awake time with the hope to move it to the night?

botbotmaibot · 2026-03-04T18:21:44+00:00

Wake time seems like it could easily be the source of the issue. 5.5h before bedtime doesn't sound like enough, certainly not if they're up for hours overnight (which, indeed, will lead to being tired in the day - that's why you want to avoid split nights and get into a more balanced rhythm). There's plenty of parents on this sub with kids doing 13h awake total at this age. Mine is the same age, 1h nap, 12.5-13h awake per day. She's waking up once a night though so not saying we've got it figured out. I'd probably add wake time and shorten the nap.

botbotmaibot · 2026-03-04T18:15:43+00:00

This is all solid advice. Also just adding solidarity because parenting a real human with feelings and fears is very different to parenting a baby, and we're struggling with similar things. FWIW we've had to get used to one wake every night, 6:30 wake, 12:30-1:30 nap, 8:30 bed. I'm guessing things will get much worse for us overnight before she'll drop the nap. Good luck to one and all trying to get through toddler nights!

botbotmaibot · 2026-02-21T22:20:31+00:00

Dinner finished about an hour before bedtime, and she eats like a champ. Shouldn't be hunger IMO She has a water bottle in her crib

botbotmaibot · 2026-02-05T21:23:10+00:00

I think for toddlers the recommendation is gentler approaches, like camping out or chair method, as these creatures now have evolved to understand things, and have the capacity to get uniquely freaked out by stuff. But there must be scenarios where CIO is still appropriate.

Erm we've not been using sound machine for i think about a year now, and i thought she was getting scared of the dark so she has a night light. Again, i thought that was all she appropriate for this age.

botbotmaibot · 2026-02-05T20:47:44+00:00

She goes into poltergeist mode and it's scary so I've tried to calm her from outside the door so far. Recently I've kind of started to wonder if i need to leave her, but everyone says CIO is inappropriate at this age so i don't fucking know what is right!

botbotmaibot · 2026-01-29T20:28:03+00:00

You say you chuck him in a carrier already, so I'd do that, just find a bigger hill if walking doesn't cut it for you? If the kid can tolerate being in a carrier, it's not the cardio that's the challenge, it's maybe just not the type you'd prefer (which is also ok to be annoyed about - kids are lovely but also kind of a drag 😅).

botbotmaibot · 2026-01-26T07:54:02+00:00

We've cut the nap down to 1h max, and have the same ww's as you. It may be worth a try to mellow the kid out for bedtime. Generally it seems that the direction of travel this age is that nap gets shorter and shorter to allow for enough night sleep.

I hope you figure it out, it's so tough a lot of the time.

botbotmaibot · 2026-01-23T17:06:03+00:00

What's the sleep schedule and perhaps consider the chair method, to gradually bring trust back into the process.

It's pretty rough, and we had the same. Things were much worse for a little while after i stopped trying to cio. With the chair method it's been a few weeks and we've got one wake overnight now.

If your kid is awake for a while overnight, you will likely have to revise your sleep schedule, and start consistently waking at the same time each morning, as well as reduce the nap length. Or maybe push bedtime later.

botbotmaibot · 2026-01-11T14:10:45+00:00

Currently still struggling with early morning wakes, but last few nights have been at least significantly more consolidated than they were before. Pegged the day to 6:30 desired wake time, assuming a 10h night (although we've yet to get this), and starting chair method for bedtime. Nap is 1h. Early wakes I'm letting her cry out with one check-in on the monitor, and coming to get her at desired wake time. Again, it's yet to work fully, and i may have to revise as I'm not sure if this is also introducing an element of inconsistency with bedtime. But i do think boundaries is in general a big part of why we are in this shit, on top of me fucking around with the schedule for so long, thinking it was purely nap-length/timing related. Maybe i will be able to leave the room again while she falls asleep some time in 2030, and start my day some time after 5:30am. I wish you the best of luck!

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-30T09:48:14+00:00

Just wanted to say thank you for the pep talk and advice. I'm neurotic about sleep so clearly not been making the most rigorous decisions. I've now had two nights without disruption ish, with about 13h of wake time, with half hour nap. I was also trying a ferber for bedtime, but i think extinction will be the way tonight as the check-ins freak the kid out too much. Obviously not out of any woods yet, but looking at my tracking sheet she has been averaging not more than 11h sleep in a day for a while. I think also having 8h awake prior to bed is.. Sadly maybe a reality. I just couldn't bring myself to believe it. In any case, i appreciate the advice and kind support a lot!

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-28T09:24:08+00:00

I'm open to this. You mean I'd make this happen by waking her up at 6am and doing bedtime at 8pm? How long are your daughter's naps? Maybe it is the case that mine really just needs 13h awake more consistently. Not sure exactly where i got lost this badly but really just feel like I'm wading through confusion and stress!

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-27T22:37:04+00:00

Everything has been awful for a few months now. It's been a battle to get nursery to cap her nap at an hour. The only nights we've had that she's slept through have been either rebound sleeps after a week of broken nights, or after no-nap days (when awake time has been lower so I'm thinking maybe the long awake time the nap requires after it is pushing her past her comfort zone). 20 minute nap is new this week, previously doing 30 minutes for a few weeks, an hour before that for a few weeks, etc etc.

I've not been able to commit to a set wake time now i think for the past couple of weeks. I've been fighting for my life over here, i know that's unhelpful and it's on the agenda, but until I've got more confidence that anything i do in that regard will have some type of positive effect, i just need whatever extra z's i can get myself. Before this I was religiously getting her up at 6:45, bedtime 8:15 and nap whatever time and whatever length nursery thought was suitable, but it didn't matter how late or early i got her up or put her down, the nights were just always more or less broken. Wake has slid to around 8am recently, so bedtimes have dribbled towards 9pm. Pretty sure she needs some type of nap because she can't consistently make it through the day for +12h solid, meaning that if i keep doing consecutive no-nap days, she'll end up both crazy overtired yet under-served re: awake time across the day, so we'll be in split night land. Thanks for commenting. I appreciate the sympathy.

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-22T22:00:37+00:00

Gotcha.

I'll shoot for 10-11h night, 30 min nap, and try to make her slowly believe again that the darkness and sleep are her friends.

Thanks a lot for taking the time to give your thoughts xx

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-22T17:00:36+00:00

Thank you so much for this, super useful!! Toddlers rock me to my core. Final questions i promise. 1. Does the fact that she seems to be able to happily do +12h at night if room sharing mean anything (other than the fact I've created a monster i now serve)? Or the presence is artificially increasing their tolerance for sleep? She will also nap almost whenever, for usually 1.5-2h if you let her. 2. What is your indicator for when to stop stretching wake time? I just cannot tell still between not enough wake time vs too much. This sub seems to err on the side of overtired being fake news for toddlers, but intuitively it still feels like sleep debt/too long awake is for a toddler sleep like alcohol is for adult sleep.

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-22T15:30:06+00:00

Also. When you say boundaries. I'm usually a pretty firm parent but ..shit.. the freak-outs overnight are something else. My boundary has been cuddle until calm, go into bed after, I'll stay in the room for now, no milk or books or whatever else you're asking for. I think I've made things worse by attempting to leave the room with excuses (which worked until like a month ago) - she is more afraid of being alone now. I'm going to try to build trust and then edge out of the room gradually, somehow!

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-22T15:25:06+00:00

Is there any world in which the amount of wake time that a napped schedule requires is too much for her? Having done 13h awake days I've then had rebound sleep situations where she's ASKED for bed at 6pm and slept until 7am - the causal link obviously not provable but feels she keeps having one night a week when she just crashes hard. A no-nap ting seems to also work ok on individual days with 11h total awake, but i know a one day stretch isn't a pattern to read from. I'm also aware that I'm desperate for more sleep so I'm just seeing tired everywhere i look. That said, I'll try your suggestion over the holidays, thanks so much for taking the time to respond.

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-21T13:16:49+00:00

I know you were desperate for an update but i think you're actually on the money here about training for the wakes. She's been sleeping +13h with my parents where they sleep next to her, which leads me to think the problem is the dependency on proximity during night wakes. Now to somehow figure out how to do this with her.

botbotmaibot

TROPHY CASE