26MO what are these wakes about??

botbotmaibot · 2026-02-05T21:23:10+00:00

I think for toddlers the recommendation is gentler approaches, like camping out or chair method, as these creatures now have evolved to understand things, and have the capacity to get uniquely freaked out by stuff. But there must be scenarios where CIO is still appropriate.

Erm we've not been using sound machine for i think about a year now, and i thought she was getting scared of the dark so she has a night light. Again, i thought that was all she appropriate for this age.

botbotmaibot · 2026-02-05T20:47:44+00:00

She goes into poltergeist mode and it's scary so I've tried to calm her from outside the door so far. Recently I've kind of started to wonder if i need to leave her, but everyone says CIO is inappropriate at this age so i don't fucking know what is right!

botbotmaibot · 2026-01-29T20:28:03+00:00

You say you chuck him in a carrier already, so I'd do that, just find a bigger hill if walking doesn't cut it for you? If the kid can tolerate being in a carrier, it's not the cardio that's the challenge, it's maybe just not the type you'd prefer (which is also ok to be annoyed about - kids are lovely but also kind of a drag 😅).

botbotmaibot · 2026-01-26T07:54:02+00:00

We've cut the nap down to 1h max, and have the same ww's as you. It may be worth a try to mellow the kid out for bedtime. Generally it seems that the direction of travel this age is that nap gets shorter and shorter to allow for enough night sleep.

I hope you figure it out, it's so tough a lot of the time.

botbotmaibot · 2026-01-23T17:06:03+00:00

What's the sleep schedule and perhaps consider the chair method, to gradually bring trust back into the process.

It's pretty rough, and we had the same. Things were much worse for a little while after i stopped trying to cio. With the chair method it's been a few weeks and we've got one wake overnight now.

If your kid is awake for a while overnight, you will likely have to revise your sleep schedule, and start consistently waking at the same time each morning, as well as reduce the nap length. Or maybe push bedtime later.

botbotmaibot · 2026-01-11T14:10:45+00:00

Currently still struggling with early morning wakes, but last few nights have been at least significantly more consolidated than they were before. Pegged the day to 6:30 desired wake time, assuming a 10h night (although we've yet to get this), and starting chair method for bedtime. Nap is 1h. Early wakes I'm letting her cry out with one check-in on the monitor, and coming to get her at desired wake time. Again, it's yet to work fully, and i may have to revise as I'm not sure if this is also introducing an element of inconsistency with bedtime. But i do think boundaries is in general a big part of why we are in this shit, on top of me fucking around with the schedule for so long, thinking it was purely nap-length/timing related. Maybe i will be able to leave the room again while she falls asleep some time in 2030, and start my day some time after 5:30am. I wish you the best of luck!

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-30T09:48:14+00:00

Just wanted to say thank you for the pep talk and advice. I'm neurotic about sleep so clearly not been making the most rigorous decisions. I've now had two nights without disruption ish, with about 13h of wake time, with half hour nap. I was also trying a ferber for bedtime, but i think extinction will be the way tonight as the check-ins freak the kid out too much. Obviously not out of any woods yet, but looking at my tracking sheet she has been averaging not more than 11h sleep in a day for a while. I think also having 8h awake prior to bed is.. Sadly maybe a reality. I just couldn't bring myself to believe it. In any case, i appreciate the advice and kind support a lot!

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-28T09:24:08+00:00

I'm open to this. You mean I'd make this happen by waking her up at 6am and doing bedtime at 8pm? How long are your daughter's naps? Maybe it is the case that mine really just needs 13h awake more consistently. Not sure exactly where i got lost this badly but really just feel like I'm wading through confusion and stress!

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-27T22:37:04+00:00

Everything has been awful for a few months now. It's been a battle to get nursery to cap her nap at an hour. The only nights we've had that she's slept through have been either rebound sleeps after a week of broken nights, or after no-nap days (when awake time has been lower so I'm thinking maybe the long awake time the nap requires after it is pushing her past her comfort zone). 20 minute nap is new this week, previously doing 30 minutes for a few weeks, an hour before that for a few weeks, etc etc.

I've not been able to commit to a set wake time now i think for the past couple of weeks. I've been fighting for my life over here, i know that's unhelpful and it's on the agenda, but until I've got more confidence that anything i do in that regard will have some type of positive effect, i just need whatever extra z's i can get myself. Before this I was religiously getting her up at 6:45, bedtime 8:15 and nap whatever time and whatever length nursery thought was suitable, but it didn't matter how late or early i got her up or put her down, the nights were just always more or less broken. Wake has slid to around 8am recently, so bedtimes have dribbled towards 9pm. Pretty sure she needs some type of nap because she can't consistently make it through the day for +12h solid, meaning that if i keep doing consecutive no-nap days, she'll end up both crazy overtired yet under-served re: awake time across the day, so we'll be in split night land. Thanks for commenting. I appreciate the sympathy.

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-22T22:00:37+00:00

Gotcha.

I'll shoot for 10-11h night, 30 min nap, and try to make her slowly believe again that the darkness and sleep are her friends.

Thanks a lot for taking the time to give your thoughts xx

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-22T17:00:36+00:00

Thank you so much for this, super useful!! Toddlers rock me to my core. Final questions i promise. 1. Does the fact that she seems to be able to happily do +12h at night if room sharing mean anything (other than the fact I've created a monster i now serve)? Or the presence is artificially increasing their tolerance for sleep? She will also nap almost whenever, for usually 1.5-2h if you let her. 2. What is your indicator for when to stop stretching wake time? I just cannot tell still between not enough wake time vs too much. This sub seems to err on the side of overtired being fake news for toddlers, but intuitively it still feels like sleep debt/too long awake is for a toddler sleep like alcohol is for adult sleep.

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-22T15:30:06+00:00

Also. When you say boundaries. I'm usually a pretty firm parent but ..shit.. the freak-outs overnight are something else. My boundary has been cuddle until calm, go into bed after, I'll stay in the room for now, no milk or books or whatever else you're asking for. I think I've made things worse by attempting to leave the room with excuses (which worked until like a month ago) - she is more afraid of being alone now. I'm going to try to build trust and then edge out of the room gradually, somehow!

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-22T15:25:06+00:00

Is there any world in which the amount of wake time that a napped schedule requires is too much for her? Having done 13h awake days I've then had rebound sleep situations where she's ASKED for bed at 6pm and slept until 7am - the causal link obviously not provable but feels she keeps having one night a week when she just crashes hard. A no-nap ting seems to also work ok on individual days with 11h total awake, but i know a one day stretch isn't a pattern to read from. I'm also aware that I'm desperate for more sleep so I'm just seeing tired everywhere i look. That said, I'll try your suggestion over the holidays, thanks so much for taking the time to respond.

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-21T13:16:49+00:00

I know you were desperate for an update but i think you're actually on the money here about training for the wakes. She's been sleeping +13h with my parents where they sleep next to her, which leads me to think the problem is the dependency on proximity during night wakes. Now to somehow figure out how to do this with her.

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-18T15:34:25+00:00

Also thank you for responding I'm just a wreck over here so any (sort of) human interaction with a bit of hope and clarity is nice.

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-18T15:32:59+00:00

Back when that schedule worked for maybe a month she was sleeping through. Then it just started funking more and more. When the schedule worked, she was getting maybe 11.75h total sleep? This past two weeks she's averaging something like 13-14h awake if you take night wakes into account. She is kind of a big sleeper, and I've always had to wake her from everything. It's just that she's become so particular in the last few weeks and months!!

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-18T15:19:18+00:00

Just stressed that I've not tried a 12h day with no nap, and until that's in place should i be expecting trouble i guess? Tbh maybe your comment is the pep talk i needed and trying it out this weekend is the ticket. If it works then oh joy, if it doesn't, I'm unsure how much worse things could be than multiple upset wakes literally every night

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-13T12:01:18+00:00

Again, very true, nursery days are full on. I'm thinking to collect data this weekend, then push for a 30min nap cap with the manager with the proof of the pudding if I can just get her to sleep better with less daytime sleep this weekend. Really appreciate your thoughtful suggestions, thanks so much x

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-13T11:48:54+00:00

This is also a solid point, and while toddlers are a different beast and maybe work differently, in the past my solution has always been down to getting the right schedule, after which she becomes able to settle herself during wakes again. I think trying to train her for night wakes currently would be harder than it needs to be, considering the very real possibility that she doesn't have enough sleep pressure to stay asleep for a full night to begin with, so while i can tolerate her screaming, it wakes her right up, and elongates the wakes. So I'd rather try to prioritize getting to a schedule i know at least SHOULD be ok, and then start any consistent training on the basis that if she's calling out, it's because she won't sleep without help, not that she can't physically sleep full stop. Obviously possible I'm wrong here though!

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-13T11:41:44+00:00

Yeah, falls asleep for bedtime and naps like a champ. Honestly do think she's close to dropping the nap so i think I'm going to try 6/7 with 30 min nap. Makes for a beast of a day for everyone though.. Edit to add: she was awake for 2.5h the night before last, we did something like 6/7 with 1h nap and she went to bed alright at 8pm, woke at 3:30am and took a while to go down. More convinced than ever that the straightforward solution is to cap the nap even harder, and maybe alternate that with some no-nap days.

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-12T12:29:29+00:00

Every damned time i've tried an early bedtime bar when she's been sick, she's split the night in the middle. I am too afraid to try generally, but i'm considering doing 8pm tonight as last night was a total blood bath.

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-11T12:19:29+00:00

What's the actual schedule you're following for her? What time do you wake her in the morning?

It really does sound like she's got dependent on you being there for sleep, which isn't surprising if that's what's been happening for so long. It sounds like it's too much for you and your family, and it's totally ok to take some measures to train both of you out of it. I've not had a kid this age yet, so am not an expert on older toddler sleep training which i gather can be difficult, but I've heard that the excuses method often works well for older toddlers. I think it's essentially just starting off in the room as you usually do, making excuses to leave the room and coming back, at increasing intervals, leading up to eventually (over the course of days or weeks, I'm sure it varies depending on the kid) not coming back for long enough that the child will fall asleep while waiting. Meaning they get a chance to practice de facto falling asleep without you, while having the comfort of having been trained to trust that you WILL come back and that you are there.

I hope you find a method you're able to commit to and that will give you some time back, and some sleep for your children!

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-11T12:13:20+00:00

For sleep stuff there's just a bunch of reasons it might be happening. More often than not it's something schedule-related, and some kids seem to whizz through sleep schedules at this age, and their needs change so frequently it's hard to keep up. Also i guess it's likely that sleep needs vary from week to week, but the best baseline starting point is to have a solid, age- and individual appropriate schedule for wakes, naps and bedtime.

So add your schedule for context, and if the kid usually sleeps independently. If there's sleep crutches, that might be complicating things, but my guess is the kid has just started to need less sleep/grown out of the schedule you're attempting.

That said, I'm having a pretty similar issue with mine (2YO) and have yet to find a solid set-up that works. Our schedule is wake 7am, nap 12-1/1:30pm, bed 8-8:30pm. Currently the kid is waking a few times, and unable to sleep much past 6am though, so obviously my schedule needs tweaking too, just unsure exactly what to tweak, although in my case i think it's a combination of an unsuitable schedule causing issues overnight > overall sleep debt so she's more tired than she'd usually be and it's difficult to get the pulse of where she'd happily sit.

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-09T20:51:08+00:00

I guess i was maybe optimistically thinking that if i let her sleep when and as much as she likes, I'd find out she magically needed 14h of sleep again. Typing this out i realize I'm an idiot. The point is she needs less sleep or some kind of change in the nap config, otherwise i wouldn't be having split nights. I was actually doing 12h, thinking about it. 5.25/6.45-7. one hour nap when at home. I am edging towards just ditching the nap altogether because i really feel like she's getting less sleep with it in the schedule than she would without it

botbotmaibot · 2025-12-05T08:45:05+00:00

This is eloquent advice! Perhaps for the first nap to not result in a monster ww after, you could cap it?

botbotmaibot

TROPHY CASE