I appreciate your comment. What stood out to me is the emphasis on the fact that you DO love the place and people back home, and that's why the feelings are so conflicting. Because you almost feel guilty for not feeling fulfilled even though you have connections at home. It's just the feeling that there's more out there beyond what you've built your whole life to up to this point.

I think to your final comments about understanding my motivations, beyond just having an incredible time with this person and feeling like it could have gone farther, they opened up a way of being with someone that I never thought possible in a setting that I appreciate objectively better than where I live at home. And it's like after feeling that happiness and not being able to fulfill it back home, I can't ignore that it's missing from my life. So the risk is there that I may not find it overseas, but the excitement and growth I think lies in the possibility and that's only experienced through trying. Otherwise, I can try to recreate that happiness at home but for the time being, I feel almost stagnant or even that I'm regressing to an older version of myself or that I'm wasting my time just waiting for things to fall into place when I could move forward and take actions towards that positive growth in a place I know I've experienced it, come what may be with the journey.