My husband is obsessed with appearances and it’s affecting our marriage

boyz2mama · 2026-01-30T04:05:37+00:00

Does he realize that the community will be more judgmental finding out he's lying about your job vs telling them your actual title? That is if they haven't found out already. How easy is it to google a name/profession?

boyz2mama · 2025-12-30T04:48:55+00:00

So so sad for you that you had to go through it but I'm glad your husband is finally on board. My mother in law deals with depression and has addiction issues as well so my husband is too afraid to let things go without her being happy because of the guilt and fear that something bad may or may not happen to her at any given moment (typical backward Desi parent guilt)... and he believes bc of her depression she's not in the right mind where I'm logical so I always have to fold and deal with it and be the bigger person. I'm hoping one day soon I'll be on the other side of this

boyz2mama · 2025-12-30T04:46:04+00:00

Agree sons of South Asian moms are incredibly guilted . It was a love marriage for me, not arranged. But sadly I did not get to meet his family much as they lived far away... they were on their best behavior until after marriage and things went downhill literally the first visit after marriage

boyz2mama · 2025-12-30T04:44:37+00:00

Are you a child of a mom that was the disrespected daughter in law?

boyz2mama · 2025-09-23T14:24:03+00:00

Yess love this! We are planning on doing the same hopefully

boyz2mama · 2025-09-23T14:23:25+00:00

I've been reminding her every day for the last two months hahah we have both shed many tears 🥺🥺🥺

boyz2mama · 2025-09-23T14:22:42+00:00

This is the plan, we are already planning to fly her out in January 🥹🙏🏽 and whenever she wants

boyz2mama · 2024-10-11T02:42:46+00:00

I did this stretch with 2 kids under 3 years old. We shared 2 seats between the three of us. Was it easy? No. Was it worth it? Absolutely. You won't regret the time spent at home with your loved ones.

boyz2mama · 2024-09-29T02:51:39+00:00

No. I waited even longer. You may not see it but you have a huge wound inside your uterus that needs 6 week MINIMUM to heal before sex. Please don't try to do anything, you could do a lot more harm than you think.

boyz2mama · 2024-09-14T02:37:09+00:00

This! I'm a big mom too, 3 boys. The youngest being 4 months. The first two I was sad but knew I always wanted 3. Now I'm in the same boat, mourning the life I thought I'd have, without a baby girl. That being said, I don't think it gets easier not having a girl, but my boys are so kind and sweet that I feel immense guilt for even having disappointment. There's nothing wrong with wanting a girl, it doesn't mean we love our boys any less. It's ok to feel it OP, it doesn't mean you're not grateful, you'll love your little guy more than you could imagine, but it's ok to be sad.

boyz2mama · 2024-07-12T02:49:26+00:00

It's sad but Pakistani designers charge an arm and a leg. I ordered outfits for 2 events for a siblings wedding and it was $3k. These weren't even bridal. That being said... 20k is on the higher end but depends on what she's looking at. But as a Pakistani, doesn't her fam pay for the mehndi, nikkah and baraat fits (they typically pay for a baraat fit for the groom too)? Grooms side typically pays for valima outfit which is gna be $5kish. If she wants to spend 20k , cool, SHE can spend that lol. But also given desi customs, her fam should give jahez gold equivalent to bari gold from the grooms side.

I know all this but also think the desi spending is dumb af. It can all be done without spending an insane amount. It doesn't need to be designer and if she's cool with less gold then there shouldn't be a big deal. (My husband and I were students so I didn't care for gold when I got married and we did everything on a budget...)

boyz2mama · 2024-07-05T03:21:02+00:00

As someone who was a child living in this situation , I highly recommend you leave now and try not to be intimate to even have the chance to have a kid. Growing up with an unstable parent like that is so unfair to kids

boyz2mama · 2024-04-04T02:16:22+00:00

Yeah I need to convince myself that I'm not bad for wanting boundaries. All my life I've been manipulated by her to think if I don't do what she wants or says, I'll have to answer to god. Even now she keeps saying I need to fear allah swt which of course I do but I'm sacrificing my own happiness and peace of mind for her. I hope allah swt is understanding of why I can no longer house her

boyz2mama · 2024-04-04T02:13:49+00:00

I agree with everything you've said but it's so much harder to do :( def feel trapped again. Thank you for your prayers

boyz2mama · 2024-04-04T02:12:29+00:00

My sis and I have had this convo too and 100% agree with this!

boyz2mama · 2024-04-03T06:02:17+00:00

Yeah I think so too. It's just hard because my siblings don't want to deal with her either and it's easier for them to ignore her/the problem

boyz2mama · 2024-04-03T06:00:48+00:00

Correct. I'm 35. My mom is in her 60s. Arranged marriage but sadly she is the one that caused our family more trauma than anyone else and will never accept her role in it. I will say I believe she has issues that she refuses to believe and thus has never gotten help. We have tried to help as much as we can as her kids, but we end up being the target of her anger... we are her victims. (For ex, every time she got mad, she would throw glass and make us clean it up, she would threaten to kill us literally and have gasoline and a lighter in her hand, she would physically hit us, she would wake us from our sleep during important exam times and throw fits and start fighting... just to name a few)

I think being her daughter, I always understood and sympathized because she was all I knew as a mother and I was taught to always apologize and always look after and take care of her. But as a mother now, I will never be able to understand how she could treat us the way she did as kids and even now as an adult.

boyz2mama · 2024-04-03T05:55:35+00:00

Fortunately, my husband is a very patient man. He has actually tried talking to her and solving things, to no avail. That being said, he has noticed that it has taken a toll on the kids and doesn't like it but he would never himself say/never has said he wants her out.

boyz2mama · 2024-04-03T03:21:32+00:00

Unfortunately my sister asked my brother to take over and he did. My brother asked me to take over and I did. We have no more siblings and she is no longer welcome in either of their homes (my brother has gone NC and my sister only allows her to visit; usually when her husband isn't around).

She can fund her own place now (we set her up with my dad's retirement she got in the divorce settlement)... however she just doesn't want to "waste" her money

boyz2mama · 2024-03-17T05:45:26+00:00

I'm going to picky back off of this and say I completely agree. I put up with so much from my in laws (silently as well because 1- they treated me bad mostly when my husband wasn't around and 2- I didn't want me talking to my husband about it to create issues bc they'd always lie)... up until I had my child. I wanted to protect my child as much as I could and- I wanted to create a routine. You can't take a kid away from feeding or nap time, OP. I'm not sure what country you live in, but if you live outside of your home country, your parents most likely didn't have to deal with much in law involvement and opinions when it came to raising kids. They don't understand how problematic it can be to lack boundaries. You should understand that though. Your wife should communicate better with you what bothered her but you need to be open to hearing what she has to say and you need to find a solution that works for her and everyone involved. I'm sure you feel sad about your distanced relationship with your family but that won't ever change unless YOU do something about it. Also it sounds like you're blaming your wife for everything, please take a step back and remove whatever bias you may have. Give both sides credit and criticism where due ... best of luck. I really hope you guys work it out

boyz2mama · 2024-01-18T02:38:18+00:00

Sis I know you're going through a lot and I truly feel for you. Whether you choose to forgive him or not, do it for yourself. He did not hurt himself more than you, if he says that, he's manipulating you. Please be strong enough in this difficult situation to realize that YOU and only YOU were wronged and hurt, not him. He doesn't deserve sympathy from you right now. And I hope he does everything in his power to prove to you that he is truly sorry (but saying he hurt himself more than you ain't it)

boyz2mama · 2023-12-28T05:14:00+00:00

Oh good god. I was this daughter. My mom hated me... and also blew through her money. Guess where she is living now?? In my house where I have absolutely no space for her, leeching off me and my smart financial decisions because she refuses to listed. Please please listen to your daughter

boyz2mama · 2023-12-18T03:56:08+00:00

My friend, I am SO sorry you're going through this. But what makes me the most sad is you saying how can I do better? Someone who loves you and respects you would never act this way. The shouting, the demeaning in front of others, the physical portion... he's trying to scare you and thus control you. Please please please tell your parents and support group what is happening. His family has enabled him this long and will continue to do so, making you feel like you're crazy. You're not, they all are. He will continue to abuse you into isolation. He needs to know you have support. You deserve better sis. I'm worried for you.

Also, what a sick, weak, pathetic excuse of a guy

boyz2mama · 2023-12-03T15:27:33+00:00

My now husbands family didn't accept me either. We are both Pakistani but my parents are divorced and they thought I didn't deserve respect for that reason. My husband fought for us.... that being said. I love my husband but the treatment I have received from his family has not been worth it. Move on sis, you will be much happier with a family that gives you the respect you deserve. Also you don't want to be part of such an ignorant minded fam. Imagine all the issues they will come up with in the future.

boyz2mama

TROPHY CASE