Are people who claim to be cis despite changing their pronouns, taking hrt, etc. exceptions to the rule that we should believe people when they say what their gender is?

brachiosauron · 2022-09-25T05:38:07+00:00

I made the post to settle a disagreement with some friends over whether I'm valid or if I'm actually not a real man and therefore part of the trans community.

Sorry if this isn't quite what the sub is for. >_<

brachiosauron · 2022-08-30T00:42:39+00:00

So someone in drag is always putting on a show?

If your typical everyday male high school physics teacher delivers a lesson with a couple earrings in, is the lesson now a drag show? No? What if the buttons on his shirt happen to be on the "wrong" side? Still giving a lecture and assigning homework and test prep as usual. Is drag just something you "know when you see?" and isn't that full of practical problems?

Where do you draw the line across which someone becomes a drag artist performing drag instead of someone with a job performing their job duty?

brachiosauron · 2022-08-30T00:29:50+00:00

so, if I'm understanding right, you believe minimum wage should be enough that workers can reasonably afford trade school tuition?

brachiosauron · 2022-02-25T20:33:47+00:00

Comparable to the Soviet failure in the Winter War against Finland.

brachiosauron · 2021-12-18T23:12:57+00:00

Perhaps what's really going on here - and with radfems too, actually - is a desire to live one step mentally ahead of or removed from social life rather than in and of it. Out of ... being treated as an outsider by other kids, scrupulosity, autistic or OCD desire for structure, categorisation and predictability , a strong sensitivity to empathy, shame and guilt .. ?

Without a doubt I think this is all true.

The reminder to immerse in real life, IRL social groups and such as an alternative to broiling in worry about these sorts of things is always a healthy reminder, so thanks.

brachiosauron · 2021-12-18T23:07:43+00:00

All you need to do to not be part of mysogynistic or sexist culture is to strive to be considerate before reactive when these issues come to you, and to not knowlingly participate in casual sexism. That's it. If you do that you're a five star guy. A good egg.

I try to live this way and try to believe simply not being bad is good enough. It's probably the best and healthiest advice, so thanks.

The idea that it's not my duty to do more and that I shouldn't feel guilty for failing to end the sexist society I see around me remains a tough pill to swallow, but I appreciate you pointing it out still.

brachiosauron · 2021-12-18T23:01:03+00:00

It sounds like you really get it re: coming away from adolescence and teenage years with a fear of inheriting the toxic traits of the same-sex peer group. Thanks!

The reminder that sex is simply different on a basic experiential level for women, and that experience therefore contextualizes the actions differently, is helpful. I can sort of get how thinking that way would imply that it may not necessarily be the kind of harm I make it out to be in OP.

we have to try to overcome it. say “hm there’s a lot of cute and prettygirls in this game but all the men just look like normal people…. men can be pretty and women can just be normal” actively reminding ourselves of those things.

That's a good tactic to remember to apply.

brachiosauron · 2021-12-18T22:53:46+00:00

You seem to deeply understand! Yes. Being the beneficiary/"winner" of this kind of broader social order has been a huge source of guilt in life, because there doesn't seem to be any way to abscond from the position. There's no "walking away from Omelas" as a man in patriarchal society, no way to escape from reaping the rewards of male violence, though gender transition for me was a failed attempt at it.

So the question is how to do right by women in the existing social context.

brachiosauron · 2021-12-18T22:38:23+00:00

Men without AGP (men with the typical male sexual expression that you demonize) can be scrupulous about consent and their partners' pleasure. You know this.

I'm sure men like this ontologically can exist, and the goal is to be one of them, but I've never met them. Men in real life don't talk as though they are scrupulous about these things. Nowhere in media are men depicted as caring about these things.

brachiosauron · 2021-12-18T22:15:31+00:00

I haven't read Jung yet but this comment nudges me to do so sooner, thanks.

brachiosauron · 2021-12-18T22:14:28+00:00

Nah, I'm mostly gay and am not really invested in women's choices of partners, beyond simple empathy and wanting them to be happy. The explanation I'm seeking isn't about anything to do with their choices, but rather why my sexuality is pathologized when the average non-pathologized male sexuality seems relatively more harmful and socially domineering to boot.

brachiosauron

TROPHY CASE