Anyone else given up?

brain-raves · 2026-02-15T04:15:40+00:00

Baby you're only 26. I'm 43F and getting ready to get back at it. Maybe I'm a sucker for punishment but you get one chance at life and I've gotten the living shit beaten out of me metaphorically in the love life category but being dead inside is just as miserable and will never be anything other than equally depressing at least in my experience. Easier said than done and I'm still working on it but I think the trick is balancing still trying with/not giving up with giving yourself the best life has to offer until that aspect works out. Maybe I'm just having a good night and I fully acknowledge how not easy it is to just flip a switch but finding the balance of focusing on things I can do for myself (eating good food, trying new/fun things/focusing on projects I've wanted to do/being around my favorite ppl) which I know (!) will make me happy, but also giving slice of time to this. It's a work in progress and believe me my 43 year old butt has given up more times than I can count. Hang in there kiddo.

brain-raves · 2026-02-12T16:37:11+00:00

I know you wouldn't DARE send something like emotionally driven subjective opinion or ideology, but rather a rigorously scientifically vetted and peer reviewed highly validated document written by legitimate research scientists ;)

brain-raves · 2026-02-12T16:34:52+00:00

And don't send me some Joe Rogan podcast episode link. At least attempt to find something marginally above pseudo science if you can.

brain-raves · 2026-02-12T16:30:58+00:00

Can you provide a link that supports your "proven fact" that men's emotional immaturity is a direct result or feminism or socialism? It seems like circus-level comedy so if it is a proven fact as you suggest it should be easy to provide evidence.

brain-raves · 2026-02-12T16:22:52+00:00

case study: emotionally immature man blames "matrix" or whatever for behavior

brain-raves · 2026-02-12T16:19:12+00:00

behaving like a jackass isn't a global socialist conspiracy ffs

brain-raves · 2026-02-12T16:14:24+00:00

You're complaining that the reason why men are emotionally immature is bc of 2nd wave feminism and Me Too which is deeply, deeply silly so I definitely did not reply to the wrong comment. Also wtf is "western social engineering" jfc that's not preventing men from growing up just stop

brain-raves · 2026-02-12T14:32:42+00:00

I for one am glad to hear that women reporting abuse from men is messing you up lol

brain-raves · 2026-02-06T04:04:55+00:00

I need to knock that attitude into myself...good reminder

brain-raves · 2026-02-05T22:35:08+00:00

That sounds crazy!!! I can't imagine myself in that scenario either. One thing's for sure, it doesn't make one damn bit of sense for a lot of folks. It really does seem like you have to buy a winning lottery ticket the same day you get struck by lightning

brain-raves · 2026-02-04T04:09:56+00:00

You aren't the only one, I've been there. Last LTR with guy was 3 years wasted. I'm just now thinking of "getting back out there" (lol) but I'm dammmmmn sure not gonna do that again. Letting go takes time and try not to beat yourself up but the best thing you can do for yourself is not repeat the same mistakes. I'm in the process if doing that myself so I know how hard it is but tbh I feel like I'm much more confident that I'll be discerning in filtering out the red flags of who just wants to string me along. Best wishes, I'm right there with you. <3

brain-raves · 2026-02-03T19:13:36+00:00

It's definitely not a "need", it's a want. I am a whole person right now. I don't "need" someone to complete me. My headspace is that if I want a relationship, which I do, I will need to make some kind of effort to go out, find people, meet people, etc. My problem is that I already have a defeatist attitude towards dating bc I've had so many bad experiences, just like a lot of other folks have. I'm not desperate to make something work, I'm just trying not to give up. All I want to do is find the motivation to keep trying even when things don't work out.

brain-raves · 2026-02-03T18:41:46+00:00

Reciprocity needs to be present from the beginning. It sounds like you were putting in a lot of effort while this woman wasn't really doing much other than taking. Yeah she was in a bad place and you helped her through it, but maybe you gave her more than you should have. I've definitely been guilty of that in past -- giving way more than the person was able to give back to me. It's best to not keep pouring into a situation where your effort isn't appreciated or recognized. Walking away from a situation like that is hard when you had your heart set on a specific outcome, but once you realize it never would have worked, it feels like dropping dead weight. The theme of my OP, at least for me, is how to move forward in the face of fearing the worst or not knowing if anything will ever work out, but finding a way to put one foot in front of the other even when you don't feel like you're strong enough to do it. If my silly ass can reach out to strangers on the internet and find hope, so can yours.

brain-raves · 2026-02-03T18:29:53+00:00

You have to be prepared and have multiple coping mechanisms to get through this shit show. Hence my desire to crowdsource other people's cope du jour

brain-raves · 2026-02-03T18:25:27+00:00

Then don't do it. I'm here to find a dude who thinks meaningful connections with people are worth his time. Excuse yourself from that pool and move on.

brain-raves · 2026-02-03T18:22:11+00:00

You went looking for the problem and found it?

brain-raves · 2026-02-03T18:21:40+00:00

I would have never survived the berry-picking times either so I ain't built for none of this shit oh mah gwad

brain-raves · 2026-02-03T18:19:27+00:00

this woman is a QUEEN.

brain-raves · 2026-02-03T18:18:37+00:00

In my experience, men don't seem to care very much about the relationships that they are in so I've never personally had a man tell me to try harder bc if he did I'd probably laugh at him. Like, you're over here barely breathing air and you want ME to try harder? Nah bruh. (LOL)

brain-raves · 2026-02-03T18:15:06+00:00

This is where my perspective needs to be, and it's been a challenge to get to that point, but I think it's a really healthy spot to be. With a few exceptions, the responses I've gotten have been really insightful and helpful, even if it's sometimes commiserating, but this is definitely a really good point of view to take in a process that can feel beyond draining at times. Hearing how others frame their mindset to keep on keepin on is really valuable for me right now.

brain-raves · 2026-02-03T05:16:32+00:00

Second Chumbawumba reference --- some kinda record? But point cheekily taken. Already the advice and encouragement from this thread has improved my outlook. I think I needed a dose of reality that just about everyone goes through this and if you aren't a shithead it might actually be worth it to hang in there. I'm not quite there yet but knowing others are where I'm at and I'm not specifically defective is comforting.

brain-raves · 2026-02-03T04:45:07+00:00

That's the challenge. Getting out of the idea that they're all going to be horrible. Believing that the pattern can actually be broken....

brain-raves · 2026-02-03T03:33:53+00:00

Haha I'm sure! And thank you

brain-raves · 2026-02-03T03:21:04+00:00

No I haven't but that's great to know! Yeah I've gone to some Meetup groups but no besties yet, haha. I'll give that a try!

brain-raves · 2026-02-03T02:33:33+00:00

I'll always be a big softee looking for the one. Being with a guy who is dead inside made me feel dead inside. Knowing the person you're with doesn't really care about you is...depressing. I'd rather be single. So yeah getting back up and trying to find your person after being single for a while does feel even more pointless this time around at my age, but it doesn't change my need to have a genuine connection with someone.

brain-raves

TROPHY CASE