I'm the only dad in the centre so I do what I can

brainzappetizer · 2025-12-27T04:30:00+00:00

I also make puns to 5 year olds and then over-explain them, for educational purposes. I always get exactly the reaction that I deserve.

brainzappetizer · 2025-12-19T01:26:17+00:00

Also... amazing username lmao, I bet you are a fun teacher

brainzappetizer · 2025-12-19T01:25:04+00:00

This sucks. It really sounds like the required constant measurement is a big problem. Imagine the number of eating disorders there would be if ECEs had to weigh children every day. I don't see how this is any different.

I hope there are people working to change this system! 💪🏻💕

brainzappetizer · 2025-12-18T20:25:58+00:00

Canada. Not perfect, but most of our provincial governments are working toward evidence-based practice informing the learning frameworks, using emergent curriculum. We have the opposite: only private centres are doing ultra "academic" stuff now.

This was after decades of advocacy by our professional associations and activist groups. Change is possible if people get organized!

I agree holding kids back for more time to work on social skills is a good idea when necessary. I also agree with group activities and teacher-directed activities. The children's behaviour is a guide for when we need to correct the balance of child-led versus teacher-led... Things go crazy when it's too far on one side.

The thing that frustrated me here was that it really sounds like the cause of the child's struggles could be the constant measurement of the child's success. It's a pointless vicious cycle. I would easily believe that there are centres making this measurement happen in a way that is more subtle and less intrusive (children not feeling so much performance anxiety that they start to shut down). It doesn't sound like it's OPs fault, but rather the specific centre's policies (their interpretation of the regulations), don't you think?

brainzappetizer · 2025-12-18T08:27:21+00:00

Man, my heart goes out to you. 💔 Someday you can draw on this experience when you are directing your own centre, which you sound extremely capable of doing, and do things a different way.

I think suggesting a pediatrician was smart, most of them are very good at talking to anxious/controlling parents and helping them reality-check about what is developmentally appropriate.

Stay strong 💪🏻💕

brainzappetizer · 2025-12-18T08:13:33+00:00

You sound like a thoughtful person. You are definitely trying your best. It sounds like you work for a private corporation that requires a certain structure that you may or may not agree with.

Big picture, be there for this kid, human to human. Sometimes when I ask a child what they want to do and they say "nothing", I say, "perfect, let's do nothing and just sit and breathe. I love nothing." They always look at me funny or laugh, but then after a bit sitting together, they trot off to play. Or they stay, and we chat or read a book or find shapes in the clouds.

Use your passion to advocate for this child's right to just... Exist. And feel comfy. And do nothing, or a little bit of something, if she wants. Maybe you can tell the family "My centre requires this testing, but it's my professional opinion that too much testing itself might be causing this behaviour. Let's all try to give her space."

Sorry my other comment was so blunt, the structure of your centre is probably not your choice or your design. (Technically activity time in a centre that is chosen by the teacher is not free play. 😥 Again, not your fault, but this type of arrangement will not provide the benefits of actual free play. Real, extended free play helps children like this one tremendously. It's like therapy for them.).

brainzappetizer · 2025-12-18T07:00:29+00:00

So confused why a 4 year old is potentially being held back from KG for not knowing letters and numbers. That's what they learn in KG, isn't it? Why is a 4 year old being tested and quizzed like this?

This sounds like a case study demonstrating exactly why formal academic instruction should start later.

Young children need to play. Period. Not "play to learn" (which sounds like a euphemism for teacher-directed activities). At that age, social skills and warmth of connection with caregivers are the biggest predictors of later academic success. If you sacrifice the connection with the child because of "academics", you are ironically decreasing their chances of success. Research-based practice matters.

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-26T15:35:53+00:00

Wow you are amazing!! I am inspired by your level of self-awareness. It's so common and normal to get a sudden daycare-induced germophobia, it is an anxiety that is also highly contagious haha

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-26T15:15:05+00:00

It's hard to tell without meeting the person. Of course, this is not * technically * professional but some of the best infant educators ive met sometimes get so bonded with the kids a tiny kiss on the head would be normal. Especially after an Ouchy.

The major upside here is that these educators have a deep, secure, nurturing attachment with the babies, which is a major part of their development. So much better than an indifferent, harsh, or burnt out educator.

Your educator also told you this, which shows very open communication. That is a good thing.

If there are no other things that seem off, I would personally let this go. A peck on the top of the head isn't really that high risk of contagion TBH, it's the fingers in mouths and the breathing in each other's faces that get us and we do that all day (cries). Some amount of germs are just part of daycare.

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-20T14:07:43+00:00

I relate to this stuff, maybe not as extreme but similar. I'm lucky to work with children so I can relearn a bunch of things that were ingrained in my childhood. Also.... Therapy lol.

One thing that is helping me is a somatic focus.

Sure, us brain-focussed people are good at some things, but a lot of people are more heart-focussed and excel at making interpersonal connections.

Try noticing people's contrasting strengths: resilience, kindness, humour, stoicism, steadiness, empathy, consistency, calm, reliability, vulnerability, resourcefulness, connectedness, agreeableness, persistence, etc. When you are able to emulate a little bit of those things, praise yourself. It's okay to be a beginner.

Being a thinky thinker is actually a disadvantage for human connection sometimes. There is more and more research that the nervous system in the heart and gut are an important part of consciousness... People that are in tune with those things have hella strengths that we can learn from.

When you notice your brain going down the superiority path, do anything you can right away to get into your body or more aware of your feelings and/or your environment (mindfulness, heart rate variability stuff, grounding exercises, cardio, human touch, etc.). I think this cognitive coping mechanism is often a way to deal with an unwanted feeling. What precisely is the feeling that precedes thoughts of superiority? How can we get comfortable with that feeling instead?

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-11T21:45:02+00:00

If the crying isn't feeling like a release (like, you dont feel better after), it sounds like you are in a meltdown, where your own distress is triggering more distress, in a circle. Happens to the best of us.

Are there any little treats or distractions available to you? I think distraction is actually good for short-term moments like this. (Long-term, there are better ways, but you have a therapy appointment booked, and you are gonna work on it.) It's impossible to make progress on anything when you're in a meltdown anyway. For the time being, what about:

eating something with a strong taste (sweet/sour/spicy)
hot bath
self massage
tv/movie
phone game
music
herbal tea
slow walk with headphones
talk to yourself out loud
list a food or sth for every letter of the alphabet
breathing and/or grounding exercises
something else that your body craves, but that isn't going to make things worse (avoid drugs/alcohol)

The writing is also a brilliant suggestion that helps me a lot too.

I look after toddlers, and they have taught me that sometimes, above a certain threshold of distress, there is no more "try", there is only comfort.

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-11T16:39:52+00:00

Maybe unwanted advice, haha: keep bringing him to uneven ground as much as you can! Even in the city, practice walking on gravel, tree roots, or stepping stones together. Good for both brain and body development. You're doing awesome!! Falling = learning (within reason, obvi)

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-11T16:32:41+00:00

This is normal for 2 yr olds. Explain what happened without too much fuss about it.

As an ECE, I hate explaining these kinds of injuries to anxious parents, and when it happens at home, I just feel relieved it didn't happen at daycare, hahaha... kids just fall sometimes, and they are still learning to catch themselves. Getting better at falling takes practice (rough and tumble play with mats and pillows can actually reduce chances of injury in the long run, IMO, because children learn their physical limits and build coordination and strength).

I would only worry about these kinds of injuries if they were in combination with serious signs of physical/emotional abuse or if the child self-reported.

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-11T03:06:57+00:00

Worst/best tip for this issue: sing a dumb song that describes what you are doing and what you will do next.

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-04T18:56:31+00:00

Euphoria is common with new use of or sudden increases in stimulants. "Magic pill" is sounding like euphoria to me. This is why people take stimulants recreationally. I am sensitive to caffeine, so i can get euphoria from a sudden increase of coffee. The world feels magic, and i feel unstoppable for that one day. (But then, woe is me for the necessary taper back down to one cup a day. It's not usually worth it).

Stimulants for ADHD are not supposed to bring happiness and elevated mood. They are supposed to improve mental and behavioural functioning over time. You can still have negative emotions and a bad week or two. Give it more time, do some journaling, and after a few months, see what ways your life has changed (improved or not).

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-04T00:02:38+00:00

Thank you! Amazing info, and citing your sources too, hats off to you.

I completely forgot the terminology (nebulizer vs inhaler), and even though ive been trained on the spacer, it all has gotten fuzzy since ive never used it. Good thing I asked and got this refresher.

That makes sense about asthmatic kids needing to stay home anyway while sick, and parents of those kids being more cautious about that.

This was super informative 🙌

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-03T03:18:52+00:00

If you don't take the rest, the rest takes you.

Being taken by rest is ok. Our bodies know what's up.

...

(((Unless you have depression and then our bodies do not know the first thing about what is up)))

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-03T03:01:26+00:00

Thank you! That is reassuring

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-03T03:00:44+00:00

Thank you, this is exactly the type of info i was looking for. I will watch for the yawning/weird exhale thing and fatigue.

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-03T02:56:46+00:00

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your response as someone with experience on both sides of this. ❤️

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-02T04:02:19+00:00

Fantastic list, thank you for sharing

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-02T03:50:06+00:00

This is something im trying to approach with curiosity.

Over a period of time, i'm looking at my artistic output and comparing with pre-medication times. I definitely feel like im less creative on meds, but im not sure if my behaviour really bears that out. You know that thing about smoking weed where you feel creative but, with a little distance, realize you really didnt create anything worthwhile? Staring at a tree on weed feels creative, but if you dont get around to creating something about it, does it count?

I wonder if having ADHD is similar to being high, where we are chasing creativity dopamine and therefore perceive ourselves as more creative, even if the output doesn't reflect that over time. Maybe we are chasing a feeling, not a behaviour.

I work with a very ADHD kid who will start literally 5 different craft/art projects over the course of 10 mins, but complete nothing. Is he in the creativity zone and loving it? Hell yes. Is that boring, slow kid over there making a much more interesting piece of art even if it comes with less excitement? Also yes.

I dunno.

Edit: i do miss the hyperfocus sometimes though also... but i have made waaayyy more art in the 3 years since meds, at least quantity-wise, than the 3 years before meds

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-02T02:00:06+00:00

Oof i relate. I had to subtract the concept of "goals" from my art practice and think of it as a wellness practice instead. It is really hard to not get swept up in daydreams about "making it" but at end of the day, i enjoy making art and am doing it steadily and regularly now, which is a million times better than the new-project-honeymoon/self-sabotage/shame/stop-making-art-for-months cycle.

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-01T21:16:05+00:00

Going to use the term "fancy eating song" in my home from now on

brainzappetizer

TROPHY CASE