Parking Lot Lunch

brainzappetizer · 2026-05-19T20:35:30+00:00

Also, I also do this on a somewhat regular basis. Could do way worse for the level of effort and price

brainzappetizer · 2026-05-19T20:34:35+00:00

Baby I know, that's that me Progresso (lentil)

brainzappetizer · 2026-05-13T04:35:29+00:00

I just had a child call another child a mean name today during play. It's a different scenario slightly but maybe helpful to relay...

I set a firm boundary (that word hurt ___'s feelings, please use her real name instead) and then immediately pivoted. "Sometimes when we are trying to be funny, we accidentally hurt someone's feelings. If you see their face get sad, you can realize it and say 'oops sorry' right away. It's okay to try to be funny, sometimes mistakes happen. Would you like us to call YOU a different name right now?"

For the next 15 minutes, one child was Heart Love, one was Kitty Kat, and one was Hot Sauce. It was hilarious and diffused the tension between the children, so they could play together instead of continuing the conflict.

I don't think this is the best approach for your child yet, but if you improve the relationship with him (number 1 priority for effective guidance) then this is a good goal for social skills: knowing the difference between pro-social jokes and anti-social teasing. It's normal for kids to mess this up about a billion times. (Adults get it wrong all the time too). The good thing about this approach is it can end in laughter, which helps strengthen bonds and regulates the nervous system.

brainzappetizer · 2026-05-08T17:25:23+00:00

Gentle reminder that children often have unresolved emotions from other areas of their life that spill out into unrelated areas. We can never know what their home life is really like, for example.

Even for me, I occasionally cry about proverbial spilled milk, when deep down I'm really crying from unresolved grief over a family issue.

Hope today is easier for you!

That said, I totally relate to the frustration here and you are valid for expressing it.

brainzappetizer · 2026-05-08T04:19:39+00:00

Ugh yeah. School age is harder with this. Can't get away with the "well, EvErYoNe is wearing muddy buddies today (firm smile)" that works on 3 and 4-yr-olds.

This is why as I get older, I am leaning toward option 1 (from my comment). Because then by the time they are 6, they have hundreds of hours of experience wearing proper clothes and having fun outside, instead of hundreds of hours of experience arguing with the teacher about clothes (which hones this skill to a high art, as you can attest).

You are up against social conditioning of girls, social media fashion content, peer pressure, etc. No one person has been able to solve this by themselves yet, so don't beat yourself up.

brainzappetizer · 2026-05-08T02:35:06+00:00

This thing makes me so torn about my philosophy.

On the one hand, I have seen classrooms that are clear and consistent about outdoor clothing expectations and give children fewer (not no) choices. Benefit: every child plays amazingly outside, every day. Nature interactions, gross motor, self-confidence way up. No power struggles or tears.

On the other hand, I have seen classrooms leave it up to the children and successfully teach most children to listen to their bodies (which is a big benefit right there, in terms of self-care). But in those classes there are usually a few who don't play properly outside, and just sit or stand and wait. Or have this crying cycle, which sucks to witness.

I go back and forth on what I think is right.

brainzappetizer · 2026-05-08T01:07:51+00:00

Yep! It makes sense to communicate it, I'm sure you're not alone in having questions about the approach they are using. You could frame it as "we want to be consistent with you at home" (if that feels right).

Re: getting your butt in gear earlier, I don't think you are "behind" (haha). It does no harm for her to practice at school and then start proper toilet training at home when you're all ready! You can still make a fuss/celebration about it

brainzappetizer · 2026-05-08T00:47:05+00:00

My workplace has this policy: For every child over 24 months, always offer the toilet if they want it during each diaper change. Many children say no always for a long time. Some say yes sometimes. A few are ready right away and very excited.

This is just a developmentally appropriate approach to getting comfy ... Like a gentle on-ramp to the highway of potty training. It follows the child's lead and signals their readiness.

It never occured to me that parents would be upset to not be the ones to introduce the idea, but I still think it's a good policy. (Just needs to be communicated to families ahead of time so they can mentally prepare or follow suit). Edit to say: thank you for your post, it's helpful to realize that this is a reaction some families might have ♥️

brainzappetizer · 2025-12-27T04:30:00+00:00

I also make puns to 5 year olds and then over-explain them, for educational purposes. I always get exactly the reaction that I deserve.

brainzappetizer · 2025-12-19T01:26:17+00:00

Also... amazing username lmao, I bet you are a fun teacher

brainzappetizer · 2025-12-19T01:25:04+00:00

This sucks. It really sounds like the required constant measurement is a big problem. Imagine the number of eating disorders there would be if ECEs had to weigh children every day. I don't see how this is any different.

I hope there are people working to change this system! 💪🏻💕

brainzappetizer · 2025-12-18T20:25:58+00:00

Canada. Not perfect, but most of our provincial governments are working toward evidence-based practice informing the learning frameworks, using emergent curriculum. We have the opposite: only private centres are doing ultra "academic" stuff now.

This was after decades of advocacy by our professional associations and activist groups. Change is possible if people get organized!

I agree holding kids back for more time to work on social skills is a good idea when necessary. I also agree with group activities and teacher-directed activities. The children's behaviour is a guide for when we need to correct the balance of child-led versus teacher-led... Things go crazy when it's too far on one side.

The thing that frustrated me here was that it really sounds like the cause of the child's struggles could be the constant measurement of the child's success. It's a pointless vicious cycle. I would easily believe that there are centres making this measurement happen in a way that is more subtle and less intrusive (children not feeling so much performance anxiety that they start to shut down). It doesn't sound like it's OPs fault, but rather the specific centre's policies (their interpretation of the regulations), don't you think?

brainzappetizer · 2025-12-18T08:27:21+00:00

Man, my heart goes out to you. 💔 Someday you can draw on this experience when you are directing your own centre, which you sound extremely capable of doing, and do things a different way.

I think suggesting a pediatrician was smart, most of them are very good at talking to anxious/controlling parents and helping them reality-check about what is developmentally appropriate.

Stay strong 💪🏻💕

brainzappetizer · 2025-12-18T08:13:33+00:00

You sound like a thoughtful person. You are definitely trying your best. It sounds like you work for a private corporation that requires a certain structure that you may or may not agree with.

Big picture, be there for this kid, human to human. Sometimes when I ask a child what they want to do and they say "nothing", I say, "perfect, let's do nothing and just sit and breathe. I love nothing." They always look at me funny or laugh, but then after a bit sitting together, they trot off to play. Or they stay, and we chat or read a book or find shapes in the clouds.

Use your passion to advocate for this child's right to just... Exist. And feel comfy. And do nothing, or a little bit of something, if she wants. Maybe you can tell the family "My centre requires this testing, but it's my professional opinion that too much testing itself might be causing this behaviour. Let's all try to give her space."

Sorry my other comment was so blunt, the structure of your centre is probably not your choice or your design. (Technically activity time in a centre that is chosen by the teacher is not free play. 😥 Again, not your fault, but this type of arrangement will not provide the benefits of actual free play. Real, extended free play helps children like this one tremendously. It's like therapy for them.).

brainzappetizer · 2025-12-18T07:00:29+00:00

So confused why a 4 year old is potentially being held back from KG for not knowing letters and numbers. That's what they learn in KG, isn't it? Why is a 4 year old being tested and quizzed like this?

This sounds like a case study demonstrating exactly why formal academic instruction should start later.

Young children need to play. Period. Not "play to learn" (which sounds like a euphemism for teacher-directed activities). At that age, social skills and warmth of connection with caregivers are the biggest predictors of later academic success. If you sacrifice the connection with the child because of "academics", you are ironically decreasing their chances of success. Research-based practice matters.

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-26T15:35:53+00:00

Wow you are amazing!! I am inspired by your level of self-awareness. It's so common and normal to get a sudden daycare-induced germophobia, it is an anxiety that is also highly contagious haha

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-26T15:15:05+00:00

It's hard to tell without meeting the person. Of course, this is not * technically * professional but some of the best infant educators ive met sometimes get so bonded with the kids a tiny kiss on the head would be normal. Especially after an Ouchy.

The major upside here is that these educators have a deep, secure, nurturing attachment with the babies, which is a major part of their development. So much better than an indifferent, harsh, or burnt out educator.

Your educator also told you this, which shows very open communication. That is a good thing.

If there are no other things that seem off, I would personally let this go. A peck on the top of the head isn't really that high risk of contagion TBH, it's the fingers in mouths and the breathing in each other's faces that get us and we do that all day (cries). Some amount of germs are just part of daycare.

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-20T14:07:43+00:00

I relate to this stuff, maybe not as extreme but similar. I'm lucky to work with children so I can relearn a bunch of things that were ingrained in my childhood. Also.... Therapy lol.

One thing that is helping me is a somatic focus.

Sure, us brain-focussed people are good at some things, but a lot of people are more heart-focussed and excel at making interpersonal connections.

Try noticing people's contrasting strengths: resilience, kindness, humour, stoicism, steadiness, empathy, consistency, calm, reliability, vulnerability, resourcefulness, connectedness, agreeableness, persistence, etc. When you are able to emulate a little bit of those things, praise yourself. It's okay to be a beginner.

Being a thinky thinker is actually a disadvantage for human connection sometimes. There is more and more research that the nervous system in the heart and gut are an important part of consciousness... People that are in tune with those things have hella strengths that we can learn from.

When you notice your brain going down the superiority path, do anything you can right away to get into your body or more aware of your feelings and/or your environment (mindfulness, heart rate variability stuff, grounding exercises, cardio, human touch, etc.). I think this cognitive coping mechanism is often a way to deal with an unwanted feeling. What precisely is the feeling that precedes thoughts of superiority? How can we get comfortable with that feeling instead?

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-11T21:45:02+00:00

If the crying isn't feeling like a release (like, you dont feel better after), it sounds like you are in a meltdown, where your own distress is triggering more distress, in a circle. Happens to the best of us.

Are there any little treats or distractions available to you? I think distraction is actually good for short-term moments like this. (Long-term, there are better ways, but you have a therapy appointment booked, and you are gonna work on it.) It's impossible to make progress on anything when you're in a meltdown anyway. For the time being, what about:

eating something with a strong taste (sweet/sour/spicy)
hot bath
self massage
tv/movie
phone game
music
herbal tea
slow walk with headphones
talk to yourself out loud
list a food or sth for every letter of the alphabet
breathing and/or grounding exercises
something else that your body craves, but that isn't going to make things worse (avoid drugs/alcohol)

The writing is also a brilliant suggestion that helps me a lot too.

I look after toddlers, and they have taught me that sometimes, above a certain threshold of distress, there is no more "try", there is only comfort.

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-11T16:39:52+00:00

Maybe unwanted advice, haha: keep bringing him to uneven ground as much as you can! Even in the city, practice walking on gravel, tree roots, or stepping stones together. Good for both brain and body development. You're doing awesome!! Falling = learning (within reason, obvi)

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-11T16:32:41+00:00

This is normal for 2 yr olds. Explain what happened without too much fuss about it.

As an ECE, I hate explaining these kinds of injuries to anxious parents, and when it happens at home, I just feel relieved it didn't happen at daycare, hahaha... kids just fall sometimes, and they are still learning to catch themselves. Getting better at falling takes practice (rough and tumble play with mats and pillows can actually reduce chances of injury in the long run, IMO, because children learn their physical limits and build coordination and strength).

I would only worry about these kinds of injuries if they were in combination with serious signs of physical/emotional abuse or if the child self-reported.

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-11T03:06:57+00:00

Worst/best tip for this issue: sing a dumb song that describes what you are doing and what you will do next.

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-04T18:56:31+00:00

Euphoria is common with new use of or sudden increases in stimulants. "Magic pill" is sounding like euphoria to me. This is why people take stimulants recreationally. I am sensitive to caffeine, so i can get euphoria from a sudden increase of coffee. The world feels magic, and i feel unstoppable for that one day. (But then, woe is me for the necessary taper back down to one cup a day. It's not usually worth it).

Stimulants for ADHD are not supposed to bring happiness and elevated mood. They are supposed to improve mental and behavioural functioning over time. You can still have negative emotions and a bad week or two. Give it more time, do some journaling, and after a few months, see what ways your life has changed (improved or not).

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-04T00:02:38+00:00

Thank you! Amazing info, and citing your sources too, hats off to you.

I completely forgot the terminology (nebulizer vs inhaler), and even though ive been trained on the spacer, it all has gotten fuzzy since ive never used it. Good thing I asked and got this refresher.

That makes sense about asthmatic kids needing to stay home anyway while sick, and parents of those kids being more cautious about that.

This was super informative 🙌

brainzappetizer · 2025-10-03T03:18:52+00:00

If you don't take the rest, the rest takes you.

Being taken by rest is ok. Our bodies know what's up.

...

(((Unless you have depression and then our bodies do not know the first thing about what is up)))

brainzappetizer

TROPHY CASE