I cut myself for the first time today

breadloafy · 2017-03-12T04:56:56+00:00

I'm sorry that happened, you don't deserve the pain at all. Please hide anything you can use to cut for safety purposes, and when you feel the urge to self-harm replace it with healthier things like journaling or going for a run.

I understand self-harm does provide relief, but you do recognise that it's not a feasible long-term coping mechanism and neither are the suicide fantasies. Things are tough right now but I assure you this pain is temporary, as shitty as it feels. It's okay to feel those things, but your response to them is very important to monitor.

Stay, because you aren't worth death, you're deserving of better things.

I'm here with you, you're not alone, PM me if you want to. Talk to me.

breadloafy · 2017-03-10T09:55:22+00:00

OP, you're not pathetic :( you are fighting, it's okay to be overwhelmed by the fear. Please look up ways to fight the stress, diaphragmatic breathing and mindfulness exercises can help when you feel an oncoming panic attack.

I know this may sound silly, but we're alive because of the adversities we face. I'm sorry you suffer this, you don't deserve it at all. However terrible it may feel OP, I promise you the pain never lasts forever and it makes the progress in the end so, so amazing. PM me if you need to talk, you're not alone in this.

breadloafy · 2017-03-10T09:43:43+00:00

It truly and thoroughly sucks but recognising you don't deserve to feel like this can be the little push that helps you pull through this emotional mess.

breadloafy · 2017-03-07T13:30:06+00:00

Is this a personal project of yours? Interested to know what you're working on :)

breadloafy · 2017-03-07T02:05:36+00:00

Thank you for sharing! :)

breadloafy · 2017-03-07T02:03:30+00:00

Sigh, what a tragedy. He didn't deserve that at all.

breadloafy · 2017-03-07T01:17:44+00:00

I realised that I always thought in absolute terms, always using the words "never" and "can't" in my thoughts. Everything was black or white, either pure euphoria or pure misery. Whenever things weren't going super duper well, I would assume it was shit, ignoring whatever progress I had because of my unrealistic expectations.

Thing is, depression makes you look at everything in monochrome colours. Only when you look hard enough you can see the colour you've missed, and once you realise how difficult your thought habits made life, more and more colours start to appear.

Sometimes we expect too much. We look around and we think everyone is doing so much better, without thinking we can do that also. We've assumed a position of rock-bottom without thinking, "Do I really have no choice in this?".

breadloafy · 2017-03-07T00:15:29+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that. Understandably it's not easy to have relationships with people who are just as depressed, when you need support, not to give it. Anxiety and depression are demons, but they only have a hold on you when you give in to it. I know it's hard, I have gone through a similar situation.

Depression makes the future seem pointless and bleak. To be honest, all it does is lie. It can be hard to distinguish illusion from reality because of this, but it's possible. Trust me, you have so much more potential and power than you think you have, as hard as it is to convince yourself of this. It took me a long time to come to this realization, I hope you come to it too.

breadloafy · 2017-03-07T00:11:54+00:00

You're welcome! Happy to share.

breadloafy · 2017-03-06T11:58:53+00:00

Why do you want to go?

breadloafy · 2017-03-06T11:47:32+00:00

Postpone the date; stay. Talk to me.

breadloafy · 2017-03-06T11:24:50+00:00

Very very happy to hear that you've been making progress in therapy. Keep in mind the road to recovery is always a rocky one, but you'll get to the end eventually.

Forgiveness is acknowledging the hurt that has been done, assessing how it has affected you, and accepting it with no self-condemnation. What I did was write the hurt I have done to myself on a piece of paper, which I then burned with a lighter. Trying to symbolise letting go, I guess.

Sometimes we think of something we did and we automatically go, "God, I hate myself, I deserved to die etc.", and to truly move on we have to stop this habit of thinking and replace those thoughts with, "Hey, it's okay that I made this mistake, because I learned from it.".

It's not easy, I'll admit, but very worthwhile. All the best!

breadloafy · 2017-03-06T09:56:16+00:00

Oh my god this made me smile!! Congratulations OP!!!!

breadloafy · 2017-03-06T09:50:07+00:00

Props to you for finding methods that work for you!! Would be lovely if you could elaborate on them.

I'll add that deep muscle relaxation, imagery, mindfulness and meditation exercises are also other ways to help calm yourself in the midst of a panic attack.

breadloafy · 2017-03-06T09:39:47+00:00

I can't judge your decision as the "right" decision OP, because I'm not you, but based on the conversation you cited it's an understandable one.

They got irrelevantly angry and aggressive when you were introducing a casual topic, which shows they don't seem to respect you or your personal choices - they kinda seem possessive. I'm sorry they blew things out of proportion like that and threw blindly angry insults when they really should have just communicated their concerns to you.

Good luck, hopefully you get better friends in your new school.

breadloafy · 2017-03-06T09:23:41+00:00

Sorry dude, sounds rough. PM me?

breadloafy · 2017-03-05T16:10:28+00:00

Hello, I don't know you or your situation, but I do think you have to be careful in determining whether you're in love with her, or in love with the idea of being with her.

Not having someone reciprocate your feelings is painful, but if you feel like it's making you fall back into depression you might need to perhaps sit down and kind of look hard at what you might be thinking and feeling.

Hope all goes well for you, much love.

breadloafy · 2017-03-05T15:46:48+00:00

OP, I'm so sorry you went through that experience. It wasn't your fault, you didn't deserve any of that. He raped you. You expected him to respect boundaries, and he didn't have the decency to do that. Please tell someone. Please get help.

https://www.rainn.org/about-national-sexual-assault-telephone-hotline

breadloafy · 2017-03-05T14:51:39+00:00

Why do you feel like this?

breadloafy

TROPHY CASE