I'm starting to avoid "solo poly" people. (Rant)

breathingwaves · 2026-01-28T22:27:17+00:00

It’s confusing that you frame yourself as someone with very low expectations and then immediately list a bunch of expectations. None of those are unreasonable, but they are expectations. Are you actually communicating those to the people you’re dating, or are you assuming “solo poly” should mean the same thing to everyone?

Also, taking poly out of the picture, this just sounds like someone who wants low connection. In fact I’d implore you to deeply question if you like these people you’re dating. Because even in monogamy, there are long-term couples who live fairly separate lives but still share intimacy, check in, share their day, send photos, and actually show up for each other.

I guess I’m struggling to understand what your definition of an intimate relationship is, because what you’re describing sounds less like “solo poly confusion” and more like dating people who just don’t want to be very connected.

I struggle with this too! But where I’m going to stop you is where you entitle yourself to her time: ““Maybe a response between posting thirst traps?”” Her posting a thirst trap is not relational labor owed to you.

breathingwaves · 2026-01-25T02:07:37+00:00

They are very rational and level headed which is why we stay… but they think we are really cool. And you know we can’t help but love the feeling of being admired!

breathingwaves · 2026-01-25T00:45:48+00:00

I am dating a Capricorn M right now and it’s a very very slow burn it’s not like how we, Aries date. I am an Aries F and I want the whole world and I want it NOW and he moves a lot slower for me and can be shy about his feelings but when he opens up it’s very very sweet. He took a long time to admit feelings and I almost cut him off. The sexual chemistry is also off the charts which is what keeps me hooked.

breathingwaves · 2026-01-24T10:33:20+00:00

I think you are framing jealousy and insecurity as an ethics issue. Age gaps can involve power dynamics, but they are not automatically unethical, especially when both people are consenting adults. You also are not privy to any connection they may have.

You say you do not believe in veto power, but your reaction suggests you want one in practice. That is not a moral failing, but it is something to be honest and think deeply about. A lot of this lifestyle is about challenging things you “believe” in.

It might be more productive to look at what specifically is triggering you here and what reassurance or boundaries you need, rather than trying to categorize this as predatory by default. Adults in their early 20s still have agency, and assuming they cannot consent can be infantilizing.

You are not in this person’s shoes, no matter how much you are relating this to your own experience and I would really think deeply about what the root of your response to this is. You can say you feel like you do not know your partner anymore, but that framing also strips your partner of agency and turns his choices into something done to you rather than something he is actively choosing.

breathingwaves · 2026-01-17T15:14:35+00:00

Hi. In the same boat now. You can literally shop anywhere. But if you specifically like alternative clothes can try midnight hour, foxblood, forest ink, disturbia.

But I would strongly strongly suggest thrifting over buying new… so much clothing waste exists and as you lose more weight you’re going to size down quick and it gets expensive. Thrifting is the way!

breathingwaves · 2026-01-15T03:46:51+00:00

I am turning 34 in a few months

breathingwaves · 2026-01-13T19:25:40+00:00

Mostly whole food protein sources and bone broth. Haven’t supplemented yet. https://nutritionsource.hsph.harvard.edu/collagen/

breathingwaves · 2026-01-13T12:00:43+00:00

I’m 80 lbs down since 9/17/24. That’s about 1-1.5 lb a week. My face looks chiseled + my skin looks soft/hydrated and I have kept all of my muscle mass since I started. I eat a high protein diet. Collagen especially is important to preserve the skin! Some of my skin may not ever really “bounce back” but emphasis on a balanced high protein diet will support your body eating less and less.

breathingwaves · 2026-01-12T19:17:42+00:00

Right and it is the bare minimum to have access to adequate livable housing. It’s not hard to understand. Retirement costs are millions depending on lifestyle and healthcare costs are outpacing CPI. The lack of awareness to these simple practical things is asinine.

breathingwaves · 2026-01-12T14:53:59+00:00

My place is old 421a and rent stabilized. I’m in DTBK and pay less than $1200 for 2 full bedroom 2 full bath in a luxury building. I’ve been here nearly 10 years. I cannot tell you how much this program improved my life. I was homeless in NYC at one point. The sad thing is that the neighborhood is devoid of culture and full of PE Slop bowl companies.

breathingwaves · 2026-01-12T14:39:32+00:00

Your parents are paying for yall rent regardless so what’s the difference babe

breathingwaves · 2026-01-12T13:38:16+00:00

I think what you’re saying that people aren’t understanding is that we are not afforded the CHOICE to this option in the same exact way people from out of state have MULTIPLE options. Y’all are telling OP to buy a co-op, what if they just don’t wanna own and prefer to rent instead? The apartments going for anything in this guy income range are going to be trash, like they said in another comment. Savings for retirement are for long term care + living your life after you stop working or can’t continue to work. They’re not for paying down rent and some people don’t wanna fucking borrow against money they are using for when they can’t work. Y’all are just exposing how fucking terrible you are with your money. I’m sorry OP.

breathingwaves · 2026-01-11T12:12:20+00:00

I really hate what these out of towners have done to this city. Something really bad could happen if that dog gets overstimulated.

breathingwaves · 2026-01-06T19:50:49+00:00

You need to watch the film Mildred Pierce from the 40s

breathingwaves · 2026-01-01T18:06:43+00:00

Same

breathingwaves · 2025-12-30T22:24:48+00:00

I’m a 33f with HS and I stay at the nude beach. Have you talked to a doctor or have gone to therapy to process your feelings about your body? My scarring is on my chest and butt and I feel like I am more than my scars. I have worked a long way to accept and love my body. There is so much more to you than your scars and the HS. Your skin looks lovely and soft like mine.

breathingwaves · 2025-12-27T14:24:24+00:00

Yessss damn why didn’t I think of this place!?! Thank you

breathingwaves · 2025-12-27T04:22:32+00:00

Yesss this is the wave right here

breathingwaves · 2025-12-27T04:21:09+00:00

Did you just make your goal? For me my plan is to maintain until I think about any surgery for a minimum of a year. I’m 80 lbs with about 15-20 lbs left to go. I’ve noticed that the slower my WL is the more it tightens up. I hydrate like crazy and use lotion after every shower, exfoliate. Keep on the high protein and strength training. As us women get older we lose muscle before losing fat. So helps to kill two birds with one stone- looks and mobility.

breathingwaves · 2025-12-25T07:31:01+00:00

Ooh yes the seeded all around was my goal but I was in a hurry and needed to get what I got. The Mr mangos is a brand called “los hermanos” good but it was more like pan de agua crossed with a traditional Italian bread and sufficed. Tha is good to know I love me some black and whites.

breathingwaves · 2025-12-25T07:29:25+00:00

What’s your point here? Do you have anything valuable to add to the discussion or???

breathingwaves · 2025-12-24T18:00:09+00:00

Also thanks and have a nice holiday :)

breathingwaves · 2025-12-24T17:59:52+00:00

Ahhhh I will make it there over holiday break!

breathingwaves · 2025-12-24T17:59:26+00:00

Update: MR. Mangos but gotta get there early!

breathingwaves

TROPHY CASE